What's "Up Chuck"?

Good Tuesday morning everyone! I’m writing this on Monday night around 11 pm. I’m sitting in a hotel room in Jackson, Mississippi. It’s a rather nice hotel room, by the way; a two room suite with a whirlpool tub. Not too shabby. Anyway, it’s been a busy past couple of days. I got in here around noonish on Sunday and have been working pretty much non stop ever since. But I have had my evenings free. The following are just a few things I may or may not have done over the past few days. Feel free to speculate on which are true and which may be false.....

• Was pulled over for speeding in Meridian, Mississippi. I was doing 84 in a 70 mph zone. Flirted shamefully with obviously gay State Trooper and got off with a warning and his cell phone number. Hey, if the chicks can work what their mama’s gave ‘em, why can’t the men?

• Went to Hooters to eat wings/crab legs/drink beer and noticed a very attractive redhead sitting about four feet away. She was wearing a wedding band and so was I. We made small talk; her hubby was out of town and so was I. She liked watching NASCAR and I liked wings, boobs and beer. We ended up sitting together and she helped me crack open my crab legs, and dipped my meat in the melted butter. Got her cell phone number, but being the “true to my vows” kind of guy I am....I didn’t call. Nor did I memorize/save to my phone for when I'm in town again....

• Watched the Sopranos and Big Love, sitting on the couch in my separate sitting room...wishing I had the one I love sitting there with me.

• Took a shower in my whirlpool tub slash shower, letting the hot massaging water beat upon my neck and aching back, and accidently soaked the floor of the bathroom. Used all but one of the towels to sop up the inch of water on the tile floor.

• Picked up someone I’ve never met before at the airport.

• Before the night was over I ended up getting a killer buzz with said person from the airport.

• Dined at this restaurant and had one of the best beef fillets I have ever eaten, topped with lump crab meat and 6 grilled shrimp on the side.

• Shared a couple of killer bottles of red wine, along with two Sky vodka tonics. Taking my fifth sip of the first vodka tonic I felt something between my top front teeth. Went to pull it out and discovered a black hair, about six inched long. Ended up getting all the mixed drinks for our table free, but still the tab was $280.

• Got back to my hotel room in time to lay on the very comfortable king sized bed and masturbate while watching Greta Van Susteren on Fox News. She’s hella hot!!

• Discovered that I have to cut my business trip short and come home early on Tuesday because my good for nothing ex wife, who has no job or responsibility, can’t take my son to have his soccer team pictures made.

So, which do you think are true or false? Or are any of them actually false? You be the judge... I’ll be back to regular blogging tomorrow, and who knows...maybe I’ll even pull a HNT out of my ass for Thursday. It’s not a promise, just a possibility...so don’t go being all pissed if it doesn’t work out!