What's "Up Chuck"?

I thought I should post something since I left you all postless on Monday. Really though, I don’t have anything. I’m out of town, in a hotel, cause you know I “work hard for the money”. Yeah, I’m wishing Donna Summer, circa 1980, was here right now.... It’s actually around midnight on Monday night as I write this, and I’m pretty much three sheets to the wind. I have this arrangement with Julie where she’ll post for me in the morning (and correct my misspellings), while I’m fast asleep (she’ll be up getting her kids ready for school) and she’ll change the time so it looks like I posted in the morning. Well now you all know my secret. Yeah, did I mention that I’m drunk? And now for some random Drunk Thoughts... So, how about Florida? What about that national championship? I’m glad to see that butt licking California team loose again. Don’t get me wrong....I hate me some Florida Gators, but I’d still rather see a SEC team win than anyone else. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Certain kinds of jeans don’t look as good on me as others. I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s the cut of the material....maybe it’s the color of the denim...but for some reason my package looks bigger in two out of the four pairs I have. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note to self; Be careful when shaving the balls. If you don’t get the skin smoothed out just right you might cut the sack. Blood in the underwear, later when you look, can really freak you out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you’re talking to random people at the bar at Chili’s be sure you don’t have an itchy crotch from a recent shaving. All the scratching might make people think you have parasites...ie, crabs. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I’m thinking of taking up belly dancing. Or at least becoming an instructor. There are some hot mama’s who belly dance, and I don’t mean just the Middle Eastern ones. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My hotel bed is one of those Sleep Number beds. I’m not sure which number to set it on. I’m thinking 27, but I could go as high as 35. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There is a mirror directly in front of the desk where I sit now. I’m looking at myself (shirtless) in the mirror as I type this and I’m thinking I really need to look into shaving my chest...or at least waxing it a little. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wish Dr. Phil was my Dad, or at least my Uncle. If he was my Dad maybe I’d be the son who married the Playboy Playmate instead of that other guy. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Titties are nice. They’re warm and comfy and squishy....and they have nipples. Much better than cantaloupes. Cantaloupes have a rough skin that hurts when you suck on it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Those idiots from PETA...wouldn’t it be better if it was called PITA? And stand for Pain In The Ass? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you hear a couple having sex in the hotel room next door, who says its wrong to take one of the water glasses and press it up between the wall and your ear? I mean, why would they give you glasses if they didn’t want you to hear? They could just provide the plastic ones, like the cheap hotels have. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife is the best Step-Mom in the world. She works 60 hours a week, their Mother works none, but she can leave work early to take the stepson to soccer practice, while the Mother sits in her apartment and thinks of anyone else but her children. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My underarm hair is scary.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay, there you go with some random drunk thoughts from Chucky. They don’t make much sense but I just had to put these thoughts out there. Have a great Tuesday!!