What's "Up Chuck"?

Ah, the sights you can see at the Wal-Mart parking lot! Well folks, my weekend of freedom didn’t turn out quite as good as I had hoped. I played bachelor for 48 hours and I didn’t get into one bit of trouble, including when I went for drinks with a friend. I guess I’m just losing my ability. There was a time where I’d go to a bar and end up with at least one or two women flirting with me. These days? Not so much. Maybe it’s just a mental attitude thing. Now that I’m happily married perhaps I’m not putting the vibes out there. Hmmm, must be...because God knows I’m just as hot now as I was the last time I was fighting off the honeys down at the watering hole. Let’s see...let me recount my weekend without the wife and kids: Friday night: Sat at home - laptop in lap - drinking heavily - talked to Blog friends and ex wife (fun) on phone - in bed with my dog Trooper by 1am, read my new book till 2. Saturday: Sat at home - laptop in lap - went to Wal-Mart and wondered aimlessly looking at crap and buying nothing - went to Hooters - sat by myself eating wings, drinking beer and watching basketball on tv - considered giving blood, but changed mind cause I smelled like Hooters - watched it rain all day - sat again with laptop in lap - drank heavily - went for drinks with friend - in bed by 2 with Trooper, read till 4 Sunday: Wife calls at 9am wakes me up - can’t go back to sleep - sit with laptop again - go to grocery store and McDonalds - try to take nap, read instead - clean entire downstairs of house in the last hour before family return - prepare wonderful and healthy meal - watch tv with family - drink heavily - screw the crap out of wife - bust three days worth of pent up man juice all over wives face (accident of course, really) - bed by 11 See how hella exciting my weekend was? Don’t you wish now you’d taken me up on my offer and come for a visit? Y’all sure missed out on some memorable times.