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Tuesday, September 13, 2005


The Good Old Days...

Just so you know I've started back on the Atkin's Diet. I've mentioned on these pages before about the success I've had with the diet. I lost nearly 100 pounds on it over about six months back in late 2000 and early 2001. Then by February of 2003 I had gained about half of it back. Then, thankfully, my wife decided to leave me and let me tell you....divorce is a great appetite supressant. I quickly lost more than I had gained and was able to attract a new wife. But you all know about those days already. About six months into my new marriage Susan and I began to get a little lax in the diet arena and over the past yeah old Chuckie has gained too much weight back. Well those days are over, beyotch! I done kicked Atkins back into full gear, but there are draw backs. True, you can lose a ton of weight pretty quick and if you're into meat/cheese/eggs like I am the diet is a breeze. But....there are always the negatives. For me it's the lack of frequent bowel movements and well, flatulence. These are two of the daily joys of my life, but for some reason when the carbs are cut these wonderful acts diminish for me. While I'm consuming the carbs I usually enjoy four to six nice and moving experiences on the toilet. You can't imagine all I get done while "dropping the kids off at the pool." I have some wonderful telephone conversations, I read Playboy, Maxim, Penthouse, People and Southern Living and I even surf the web. Unfortunately those days are behind me. I'm lucky now to get to "build a log cabin" every other day. God that's like, terrible. And then there is the farting....nice, loud, juicy and sometimes stinky, pootage. I'm not the only one who misses this. Imagine how much my wife and kids are longing for the days when I regulary made anal announcements. I'm sure they wish I would once again lean over to the side, while sitting on the couch, and release the "one-cheek sneak". Damn, aren't you glad you don't have to live here with me under these new circumstances? Yeah, that's what I thought.

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