What's "Up Chuck"?

A bit of random rambling…. I have been terribly down in my back. It is a muscle pull, I think, but I can not for the life of me think of a time I could have pulled it. It’s not like I do too much in the strenuous department. A few months back I could have blamed it on the strenuous thrusting and slamming of sex, but there hasn’t been an encounter like that in a while. Maybe it is just sore from sitting on my ass reading too many blogs. Anyway, yesterday my wife was on her way home for a little while during the work day. While on her way we talked on the phone and she told me she would rub my back for me when she got here. This was all contingent on my having made bacon and eggs for us to eat when she arrived. You see we started on the Atkins Diet yesterday and foods like that will become staples for a while now. After eating our breakfast/lunch (brunch?) I got in the shower and then, once clean, asked if she was ready to commence the rubbing. Dressed only in my boxers she told me to bend over the edge of the bed to stretch my back out. I did and she stood behind me, as if to mount me in the doggy style position, and began to rub and knead. She pulled my boxer shorts down about mid ass and focused on the tight knot of muscles at my lower back. She remarked about how tight they were and said I should see a real massage therapists sometime soon. She then got out some BENGAY cream and began to rub it in. I could immediately feel the hot burn of the cream as it went to work on the cramped muscles. What I wasn’t expecting was what she did next…She took one of her BENGAY covered fingers and slid it up the crack of my ass, getting the stuff well coated on my bootyhole. Oh what pain! Now this was NOT nice. I immediately began to squirm and told her to clean the shit off ASAP. Not taking my advice of using her tongue she took a wet wash cloth and cleaned my crack. It didn’t help much and I was forced to leave the house for my trip to Wal-Mart with a burning bung hole. Fortunately it stopped burning by the time I met FA at Hooters. Let’s see, what else…As I mentioned above we are doing low/no carbs. Last night for dinner we had hamburger patties fried and covered with sharp cheddar. Later in the evening we took a shit load of pepperoni slices and baked them in the oven on 425 for ten minutes till they we nice and crispy. It was actually a rather nice snack. I love pepperoni and I like it when its real crispy on top of a pizza. Mmmm, pizza…. My kids are up in Tennessee spending the week with Nana and Papa and my sister. I talked with T this morning and she told me they have been having a ball swimming in the pool, staying up late, shopping and just hanging out with the grandparents. It reminds me of when I was a child. I used to spend a week or two every summer with my Mother’s parents in Southwestern Virginia. My grandfather was a coal miner and he usually worked over night. I can remember him leaving for work in the evening and my Granny packing his lunch in the big black lunch box he always carried with him. He would come home from work in the mid morning hours covered in black coal dirt. It was funny to see him practically change races daily. He would stand over the grate in the basement floor and, using a garden hose attached to the washing sink, wash the black dirt away. Then he would tell me to go check his lunch box for a surprise. He would always save me one of his Little Debbie cakes from his overnight meal. He was a great guy and a wonderful Granddad. I also remember the time my Granny took me for my first pair of overalls. I can remember her taking pictures of me in the overalls, wearing one of Grandad’s hats, with a corn cob pipe in my mouth. Yeah, I was a cute kid. I didn’t wear overalls again till college. I was actually wearing a pair in the cafeteria on the day FA first saw me. She always said she wondered why she thought I was so hot since on first glance I was dressed like a hick. In other news we are still struggling with house training Trooper. We have been lazy parents and haven’t been as diligent with the training as we should. All that has changed now. We’re watching and constantly and taking him out regularly. Especially after he eats. Carin Terriers have a very short colon and it doesn’t take them long for their crap to make it’s way out. Speaking of colons I was speaking with a friend the other night and was told that I should try to allow Susan to massage my prostate during sex. First of all, getting her to do this would be difficult. She ain’t much into the kinky side of things. Secondly I am not sure I could handle it. I’m sure there are many of you male readers out there that like to have things shoved up your asses, but I am not one of them. I reckon there are even a few of YOU who like to use gardening tools for this purpose. I’m not sure about it though. I will have to do some heavy meditation on the subject and get back with you. I did mention it to Susan a little while ago and her response? “You’re not having gay fantasies are you?” So I guess that doesn’t bode well for the future of prostate massage. If I decide to try it I might be able to find someone down at that Adult Video Arcade down on 10th street to give it a whirl. Okay, that’s about it for today. I hope you all are having a swell Tuesday! edit…1:57pm…Richard Scrushy has been aquitted here in Birmingham of fraud. I am glad to hear it. This was just another example of THE MAN trying to hold the rich white man down…