What's "Up Chuck"?

You may remember my recent posts about my exwife, FA, and her reluctance to help out financially with the kids. You may also remember that I had written that I intended to have a talk with her soon about needing some financial support in the near future for the kids and their school expenses. Well today was that day….but you won’t believe the circumstances of our discussion. I left the house today around 1pm to run and pick up a few things from the store. Just as I was leaving she called me on my cell phone. What follows is a synopsis of what was said on the phone call: FA: You remember that time you wanted to have a talk with me about ending the alimony and you asked to meet me for lunch? Me: Uh….yeah, why? FA: Well, I need to talk to you. Can you meet me somewhere today? Me: Uh….maybe, what’s up? FA: I’d rather talk in person. Could we meet somewhere in about thirty minutes? Me: Okay, I will be at Wal-Mart, call me when you get close to there. We met in the parking lot and I intended to have her sit in my car and talk but she asked if we could go somewhere and eat. I had already eaten, but she said she was starved. She chose the new Hooters restaurant and I readily agreed. We arrived at Hooters, found a seat, ordered drinks and she began to tell me she had three things she needed to talk to me about. The first item floored me right away. She informed me that she wouldn’t be able to keep the kids anytime in the near future because she was having surgery on Friday and would need some recovery time. I asked what the surgery was for, thinking she had something terribly wrong with her (besides her mental state) and she proceeded to tell me that she was having a boob job! She is getting her tits increased from a low B to a double D. She said her Mother is paying for it and since she had paid to have her sister’s boobs done she felt obligated to do it for FA too. After all it’s an “image thing”, she informed me. Immediately my mind went to the four thousand dollars Susan and I shelled out for my daughter’s braces, not to mention the countless other things we pay on a day to day basis. You know, the regular expenses in raising kids. The expenses FA does little to help with. She couldn’t ask her Mother to shell out a grand for the braces, but she sure can beg for some boobage. Secondly she informed me that she is transferring to the University of Alabama at Birmingham in the fall to go to medical school. She is three classes shy of qualifying for med school, besides taking the MCAT, and should be able to enter their med school in Spring 2006. Now many of you may be thinking there is no way, based on what I have written about her, that she could make it in college much less medical school. Well I guess I should let you know that since she has been back in school over the past year and a half (except for the times she was in hospital for attempted suicide) she has done quite well. Taking the required classes for nursing school, she has maintained a 4.0 grade level. The chick may be dumb, but she ain’t stupid. Then again, when you don’t have to worry about working or raising kids, anyone could do well in school. I can not believe that I may have to refer to my exwife as “Doctor FA with the big tits” someday. Thirdly, she is suing the married/therapist/pastor man she was screwing late last year, and the church he worked for. It is a very long story and I shan’t go into it here. Suffice it to say she has a very good case. This man took advantage of a patient he was treating for suicide attempts, depression and sexual addiction and made her another notch on his headboard. He has since confessed his indiscretion and resigned his position at the church/cult, but he still has a row to hoe when it comes to FA. She very well may be able to take him to the cleaners. So not only will my ex become a doctor someday…she could be rich even before she ever has a practice. The kicker to this last part is that her attorney asked her if I would be willing to testify, if needed, that she was never suicidal any during the fourteen years I knew her. I am thinking for about 10% of any winnings I would be willing to say anything. After all, it would be for the kids. ;-) Once she had her say about everything I told her there was something I needed to tell her. I told her that we would be needing some financial help this school year with the kids. I let her know that I expected her to pay for T’s hot lunches at school every other month (about $50 a pop) and that I wanted her to split the cost of L’s preschool with me every month as well ($75 per week). I would also need some help with clothes and other school related expenses that come up along the way. She didn’t batt an eye and said, “Sure, that won’t be a problem.” Yay, me!! So there you have it. Quite an interesting day for the Chuckster. I can’t wait to see what happens next!