What's "Up Chuck"?

Bo Snagley and I were led to the old cabin in the trees and told to sit down on the edge of the porch. The old man, aka the Alligator, gave Bubba the shot gun then went into the house leaving us there with the giant. “Woo wee you fellers sho did pick the wrong day to fish gator swamp.” Bubba said. “Yeah, I reckon we did.” Snagley responded, and then farted. “What exactly you all planning to do with us?” Bubba shifted the gun to the crook of his arm, took a sniff of Bo’s odor and spread his legs. He reached one meaty paw into the crusty brown waist line of his underwear, freed his manhood from its confines and smiled. “Aww, I figure we’ll think of something.” He said. “Uh, I can’t speak for my friend here but I can definitely tell you that I’m not going to be doing anything that involves that.” I said, nodding towards his midsection where he was hanging out there for all to see. “Shit boy, what the hell you think I’m talking about here?” With that he let lose a stream of putrid smelling urine in our direction. Bo and I both lifted our feet as his piss began to pool near the edge of the porch. So much for using the outhouse, I thought. He continued, “It ain’t me y’all are gonna be romping with. So don’t be givin me no ideas now ya here?” Bo and I both exhaled in relief just as the old man stomped back out on the porch. “Bubba you hick, don’t you be pissin’ out here in the yard. What would your maw, God rest her, say if she seen you a-doin that?” He yelled. “Well Paw I didn’t want to leave these fellers while I went down yonder to the outhouse.” “Hurry your ass up and get these boys in the house. Times a-wastin!” He said, then returned inside. Bubba shook himself a couple times then flopped it back into his drawers and said, “Come on…let’s get goin.” He ushered us through the screen door and into the dim front room of the cabin. When my eyes adjusted to the light I could see an old truck bench seat over in a corner along with a couple other sad looking chairs. On the other side of the room was a mattress that did not look much better than the one down by the pond. On it were two moldy looking pillows and a badly stained blanket. On the back wall, next to the only closed door, stood an old cook stove, and on the wall a couple of shelves with various can goods and pots and pans. Right next to the shelves hung a picture of Jesus. Bo nodded to the picture and said under his breath with a laugh, “Good, they’re Christians.” “What you say there boy?” Bubba asked. “Uh, nothing Bubba…just was admiring the art work.” “Well this ain’t no museum so get your asses over thar and sit down.” He waved us over with the shot gun in the direction of the truck bench. Bo and I sat down next to each other on the bench trying to avoid the rusty springs sticking through the rotted leather and waited to see what would be next. Fortunately we didn’t have long to wait. The closed door on the back wall opened and out stepped the Alligator. Behind him walked two of the most sexiest creatures I had ever laid eyes on. Surely this wasn’t the Irma and Gertie previously mentioned. They followed their father into the room, but never took their gaze from the floor. The old man began talking, but I wasn’t listening. I couldn’t take my eyes off the girls. Finally, I thought, this has to be a joke. There is NO WAY in hell these two hotties are any relation to the disgusting specimens of manhood who were also standing in the room. Irma and Gertie stood about four steps behind the old man and stared shyly at the floor while their father talked. Gretie was about 5’7” with a perfect figure. Her fire red hair was pulled into pigtails which rested on her pale white shoulders. Irma could have been her twin, except that her hair was more of a strawberry blond. Both girls were wearing pink tube tops and their firm ample bosoms were straining to get free from the fabric. From their tits my eyes trailed down their tight trim and bared stomachs to two pairs of the shortest denim shorts I think I had ever seen this side of a porn site. Daisy Duke would have blushed in embarrassment to have ever worn anything that short. They, like the rest of the family, were barefooted, but the nails on both their feet were painted a bright shade of pink. These girls were hot I tell you. Suddenly I realized things were getting a little cramped in the crotch of my jeans. I continued to stare until Bo’s elbow jabbed me in the ribs and brought be back to reality. “Are you hearing what he’s saying?” He asked. I cleared my throat and turned my gaze from the ladies to the Alligator. “Uh, sorry…no. What was that?” I said. “Boy, get the wax out your ears and listen up. What I said was we be needin’ us some babies. We heard tell thar is plenty of that thar welfare money out thar and we’re aiming to get us some.” “Yeah, and don’t forget the cheese Paw.” Bubba interrupted with a smile. “Shut your mouth boy and let me speak.” He back handed Bubba across the chest and continued, “They way we figure it, if Gert and Irma can get one in the oven we can live high on the hog on all that thar government assistance they hand out. There ain’t been no one come round these parts in a while so you fellers will just have to do.” “Why don’t you just take them down to Tuscaloosa for a weekend and drop them off on fraternity row. I am sure they’d come back with a bun in the oven.” Bo said with a laugh. The Alligator grabbed the shot gun out of Bubba’s hands and pointed it at Snagley. “Now don’t you go getting smart with me boy. I can’t do that seeing as I need to be there to make sure it’s done right. We gots us a way to make sure it takes on the first try. Why the hell you think country people always have so many younguns?” “Yeah Snag.” I said, again eyeing the girls. For once in my life I found myself thanking God for the Democrats and their ideas of giving handouts to folks who have no desire to help themselves. “Sir I think we’d be more than happy to help you out with your little, uh…problem here.” I added. With that both girls looked up from the floor for the first time and Snag and I both winced. Irma and Gertie both had the worse case of crossed eyes I had ever seen. I swear their faces were directed straight at where Bo and I sat, but their eyes were looking at both sides of the room. At first it was a little eerie, but I soon got over it. Hell, I thought, it isn’t like I have to look them in the eye while I am doing it. Besides, once I am done with them their crazy eyes will be rolled back in their heads in ecstasy. I silently chuckled at my own thoughts until I heard Bo speak up. “Well Mr. uh, Alligator sir. I would love to help you here but you see I am a married man. I got a wife and kids back home and it wouldn’t be right for me to go against my vows.” He nodded towards the picture of Jesus on the wall and added, “I’m sure Jesus there would agree. But you are in luck; Chuck here is getting divorced any day now. I’m sure he would be happy to oblige.” The old man thought a second and said, “That’s the truth. Jesus and these here girl’s poor mama, God rest her, wouldn’t want them hunching with no happily married man. I reckon you can watch at the foot of the bed with Bubba and me.” I was extremely excited about the prospect of showing these girls the time of their lives but I had to admit I wasn’t too happy that it was going to end up being a spectator sport. “Why don’t y’all let Bo here take my car on home and I will stay the night. Surely it might take more than one try to get it right, if you know what I mean”, I said with a wink, “Bo can come on back in the morning and pick me up.” “You just might not be able to walk in the mornin’ once we’re done with ya.” Irma said and both girls started to giggle. I couldn’t tell if they were looking at me, but I took it as a good sign once they started licking their lips. The Alligator took a seat in one of the old chairs and seemed to think for a minute. Finally he looked up and said, “Alright it’s decided. You go on back to whar ever you come from and be back here ‘round breakfast tomorrow. You can get your buddy here, then.” Bo looked at me and whispered, “You sure about this man?” then silently farted. (at least he is a gentleman) I waved the horrid smell away with my hand and said, “I have never been more sure of anything in my life.” Bo stood up and immediately Gertie and Irma skipped over to me, titties bouncing, and each took a seat on one of my knees. They began to rub their hands over my chest, stomach and crotch while they each planted wet kisses on the sides of my head and neck. “Well, I guess I will see you in the morning.” Bo said and started towards the door. Before he left he turned back and added, “You sure you’ll be alright?” The girls stood up in unison, pulled me up from the bench and began to lead me to the back bedroom door. They both crossed their arms behind my back, and placed a hand on each of my ass cheeks. “Yeah man…don’t worry about me. The kids are out of town with FA so I can’t think of any better way to pass the night. Just be sure to come get me in the morning.” Insert intense and graphic sex scene where Chuck rocks the world of two country chicks, all night long….. So finally you have the tale of the Alligator. As you know Bo has been bugging me to share this story for months now. I was hesitant to do so but figured ‘what the hell’ and wrote it anyway. Today, somewhere in the back woods of Alabama near a place called Gator Swamp, there are two little two and a half year old kids who look a little like The Chuckster (except for their crossed eyes), living off government aid with their Mothers, Grandpaw and uncle. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.