What's "Up Chuck"?

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2008-01-14T01:35:00.000-06:00

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2007-08-19T18:28:00.000-05:00

Collard Greens: Almost as good as Sex....

2006-06-02T08:05:00.000-05:00

I’ve had a few requests via comments on my blog, Julie’s and through e-mail for my recipe for collard greens, so I thought I’d indulge y’all. First I have to say, Southerners love them some greens. Whether they are turnip, spinach, mustard or collard....no down home cooking is complete without greens, cornbread and some kind of meat dish. Collard greens have actually been around for thousands of years and are one of the oldest members of the cabbage family. The ancient Greeks ate them, as did the Romans. They gained their most recent (300 hundred years ago) popularity thanks to the African slaves who were brought/forced to the New World. When the greens are cooked down properly they produce, around the cooked leaves, a liquid. The slaves on the plantations would drink this liquid, along with eating the greens, and they called it “pot likker”.

Collard Greens Raw

Collard Greens Cooked with pot likker

My Recipe The way I cook my collard greens has been handed down in my family since before the War of Northern Aggression. According to family lore this recipe was dictated by the recently emancipated black cook (her name has been lost to time) to my Great-Great Grandmother in the kitchen of their home on Church Hill in Richmond, Virginia, just before the Yankees invaded.

In a big pot place ham hocks, or salted pork, and a whole onion (peal off the outer layer).

Pour in enough water to cover the meat.

Bring to a boil then simmer for one hour. The onion should be falling apart after an hour.

While the meat and onion are simmering, slice the stalks out of the greens, then chop them up and wash them in the sink. Keep rinsing, and draining the leaves to ensure all dirt or bugs or whatever is gone. It actually should take 5 to 6 washings to get them right. You’ll notice that the water will turn green with each washing. Keep at it till the water is clear. I like to let them soak for a while between the last couple of washing cycles.

Once the hour is up, start adding the clean greens to the pot, layering them on top of the meat and onion. Once they’re all in they should cook for about an hour, or until they are tender. Stir them up a little while they're cooking. You may want to add salt and pepper to the pot to add additional flavor, if needed. When done they should be very tender.

Serve them up with cornbread and add a dash of hot sauce/tabasco or vinegar if you like. The ham pieces add a perfect garnish.

Well there you go...My collard green recipe. I’ve shared something very special with you folks, I hope you’ll appreciate it. If you choose to make some for yourself let me know about it. Even better, take a picture of the finished product and e-mail it to me. Y’all enjoy!

My Most Excellent Adventure...

2006-05-31T08:15:00.000-05:00

This is a bit on the long side, but go ahead and read it all....you know you wanna! Howdy friends and neighbors! I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. Boy, did I ever! As most of you know, I spent the Memorial Day weekend with Julie and her family at their home in Texas. It was one of those memory making experiences. She already wrote about it here, but I wanted to chime in and give y’all my two cents worth. I took Friday off and headed out on the drive pretty early. I made the 500 plus miles in good time and arrived around 2pm. It was wonderful seeing my Julie again after so long! Her husband Paul was in the pool with the kids, so she took me in and gave me the tour of her lovely home. After a bit (meaning a quick stop off in her bedroom) she and I headed out to do some shopping. At Wal-Mart we saw several people who were friends or acquaintances of she and her family. I’m sure the sight of her with some good looking/sexy stranger caused some minds to wonder and some tongues to wagging around town! Our next stop was the liqueur store, and boy did we load up. Yadda, yadda, yadda....later that night we totally got our drink on and once the kids were in bed, the really wild times began. I can’t remember now who suggested it, either Julie or Paul, but we eventually ended up naked and in their pool. Now it’s been a while since I’ve skinny dipped, and I can’t ever actually say I’ve done it by myself with a man and his wife. It was an interesting experience. Much craziness took place...J&P got in the pool before I, so it was left to me to make the trek out to the pool all alone and completely naked. I must say I felt a bit shy having two sets of eyes on me the whole way to the pool. One set looked on in envy and the other in lust...I’ll leave it to you to decide which were which! We swam around a bit and took a few pictures. Julie posted this one on her blog, that's me at the top, but the others are too explicit to share. After all this is a family blog! As we swam around Julie got up on a raft and lay there on her back, spread eagle. At some point Paul, as he was pushing her around on the raft, dumped her over the side and she crashed four feet to the ground. Thankfully she wasn’t hurt, but damn was it funny as hell! She, of course, was mad and embarrassed and stormed off into the house. He and I stood there continuing to laugh, until we realized we were naked and standing real close....yeah, we promptly stepped away from one another. Anyway, she didn’t hurt anything but her pride and soon rejoined us out at the pool. Another thirty minutes of grab ass/underwater fondling later, and we retired to their back porch for more drinking. It was soon after this that Niagra Falls let loose. Only instead of water, this water fall was pure vomit. Luckily it happened in their bathroom so I didn’t have to witness it! Saturday we pretty much lounged around the house till the late afternoon. Around 4 we left and drove out to a catfish joint on a lake. It was some hella good food! Between J&P, me and their daughters, we scarfed down a medium sized school of fish. It was most excellent (sorry, watched Bill and Ted today), and we drove home very full and lethargic. That evening Julie and I went out to rent some movies, buy some more food and liqueur, and find a dark parking lot to “talk”. Unfortunately no dark parking lots were to be found....her whole town is lit up like a Christmas tree...weird, huh? ;) Yeah, that's what I'm thinking... Sunday my boy, P-Dog, started the smoker early in the a.m. and cooked some awesome brisket all day long. A side story, on my way into town on Friday I was listening to the radio and heard a commercial for Kroger. The ad advertised the fact that Kroger had brisket on sale for .99 cents a pound. Luckily I was able to inform the QoP’s and they ended up buying like 48 pounds of meat for, yes you guessed it, forty eight dollars. It’s quite an accomplishment, don’t you think? Their deep freeze is quite full now. Anyway...Paul cooked the brisket, then later he smoked a couple chickens, without rolling papers. Meanwhile, in Julie’s kitchen, I cooked pinto beans and a pot of collard greens. Yep, I brought a little bit of Alabama to East Texas!! I even enlisted their middle daughter to help me in the “washing of the greens” which all good Southerners, or Soul Food connoisseurs, know is vital to the preparation. The meal was excellent. The brisket and chicken were mouth watering. We sat on the couch and ate, and ate and ate. Oh yeah, I forgot....during all this we were watching the NASCAR race. In case you’re like most people and have no idea what NASCAR is, I’ll be happy to let you know. It has something to do with cars, drivers, rednecks, race tracks, sponsors, rednecks, beer, titties, gay men named Junior and Gordon, Coca-Cola and white trash. Anyway, it was the first whole race, (I actually sat through about 80%), that I had ever watched. Some dude named Kanye won...I’m thinking he’s a rapper on his days off. It was a ground breaking experience and I owe it all to J&P. There is something I should mention here...something I’m not too proud of. After we had eaten the enormous meal we all were a bit of the drowsy side. I was actually experiencing a few stomach pains from all the meat, beans and greens I had eaten. Somewhere around lap 4000 of the race I unbuttoned my shorts and slipped down my zipper. I felt the urge to let the gut out to relax a bit....I’m sure there are a few of you, who may still be reading, who understand what I’m saying. Imagine if you will....Thanksgiving, around 4pm...you’ve just eaten enough food to support a family of 18 in a third world country. You feel the button straining...and the cramps are beginning to rear their ugly head. So you’re with me, right? Well, I had unbuttoned and unzipped and soon J&P and I had fallen asleep on their sectional couch. Paul was reclined on one end, I was reclined on the other, and Julie was asleep in the middle. (Yeah, we’re old...it’s pathetic...) After about thirty minutes we woke up and I suddenly felt the urge to take a piss. I inclined the recliner and stood up, turned to walk away and my shorts fell down to my ankles. I should also point out that I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Had we not have had the “skinny dipping” experience this could have been a bit on the awkward side. So I bent over to pull up my shorts and gave Julie, who was laying with her head toward me, a memorable view of my spread ass, nut sack and elephant trunk....yeah, I’m sure you get the picture. Unfortunately for you, there wasn’t a camera handy! The whole experience was quite funny, as I’m sure you can imagine. So all in all it was a wonderful weekend. I haven’t had so much fun in a very long time. I had a great time with all five of the Pinks. I especially enjoyed getting to know the three Julie Spawn. They came to know me as “Uncle Chuck” and I love ‘em like my own kids. They are all super smart children, and could possibly be a chip off the old maternal block...but if you look real close you might see they’re more Paul than Julie! I want to take a moment to thank them all for having me, and for showing me such great hospitality. I’m looking forward to Julie’s visit to my house, sometime this Summer, and my eventual return visit to Texas. Maybe I’ll even take my wife with me the next time.... Before I close...I thought y’all might want to see a picture of us together. This was taken on Sunday night, after Julie had invited two of her girlfriends over to party. It’s me, Paul, Julie and her friends....and it’s definitely not SFW. Click here to see the pic....LOL Thanks for reading. I’ll blog at y’all later....

“Do I Make You Proud?”

2006-05-24T21:50:00.000-05:00

Yes Mr. Hicks you sure do! I've been behind you from the beginning! How about another American Idol from the great city of Birmingham, Alabama!! We here in da’Ham are hella proud of our boy Taylor. Damn, what a finale show....all the special singing guests...Prince even! At the moment of truth, when the winner was announced; me, my daughter, my dog Trooper, my son and Susan were holding hands/paws and standing in the middle of the living room awaiting the result. And then it was announced....we commenced screaming, celebrating and I actually shed a couple tears. Yeah, I did....and I’m man enough to confess it. You’ve got to admit, Taylor is awesome!! I’m fixing to go online and buy tickets to the American Idol tour for when it comes to Birmingham in August. I’ll be there with bells on. Okay, so I had to come out of semi retirement and post about this special evening. Folks, I’m not going to be gone for good. I’m just needing to take a little break. Y’all don’t give up on me, okay? Have a great Memorial Day weekend! I’m heading out of town Friday morning for an extra special four day weekend with some extra special friends. More details, and pics, later.... Alabama, the home of American Idols. Yeah, after Ruben, Bo and now Taylor I think they need to change to state motto....

Goodbye.....for now.....

2006-05-19T07:34:00.000-05:00

Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past two weeks and I’ve come to the conclusion that my break from blogging must continue. How long? I’m not sure. Will it be forever? Who knows. All I do know, as of now, is that all things blog related must be shelved for the time being. I didn’t want to disappear and leave you all wondering where I’d gone. I will try to get around to your blogs when I can and leave a comment, and maybe some day I’ll pick back up here. Until that day happens I wish you all, (you regular readers and friends of mine), well.

Chris......So you had a bad day?

2006-05-11T06:15:00.000-05:00

Well folks I’m on the third day of my travels. I’m sitting here in a lovely three room suite with a whirlpool tub big enough for three. I know this for a fact because a couple years ago I stayed here and happened to meet two young ladies from the hotel bar who happened to come up to my room to test out this theory. Of course it was done all in the spirit of experimentation. Nothing happened between me and the lovely, sexy and busty blonde chicks......right? Anyway, I know I said on Monday that I would be away for a while but the results from last nights American Idol show forced me from my hiatus. So Chris....did you have a bad day or what? Man that was a shocker, huh? Actually it wasn’t. If you follow the phone and text vote results on this website and this one, you can pretty much be sure who’s going to go home every week. They’ve been right all but like one or two weeks so far. They’ve even chosen the bottom two or three pretty accurately each week. I tell ya, my boy Taylor is kicking some AI bootay! Once Kat goes home next week it’ll be an easy finish for T-dog versus Elliot. He’ll be in town (Birmingham) this Friday making appearances at the Fox television station as well as the radio stations where my wife works. She’s already been invited to attend his live on air concert Friday morning at 6am, and I told her she better get me an autograph! One of Taylor’s best buds from high school and college is also a friend of Susan’s. So possibly she’ll have somewhat of an inside track. Although I doubt it. Maybe I could get a picture of him wearing this shirt. Isn’t that hella cool? Yeah that Pixie chick rocks! She designed it. Y’all start taking your orders now....I’m sure the price will be reasonable! Thanks Pixie!! Okay, I’m back to business. I’ve got one day of food shows down and two more to go. Then Susan and I are taking a relaxing four day romp on Florida’s beautiful sugar sand beaches. Don’t you wish you were here? Later.

2006-05-08T09:36:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday all. I thought I should update and let you all know that my hiatus is going to be extended for a while. I leave tomorrow, Tuesday, for a nine day trip. To be totally honest with you all, I’m not too clear as to the future of my blog. The next week or so will tell. Work and home obligations have taken the front seat lately, as they should, and I’ve found myself gradually losing interest in the Blogosphere. It’s hard to believe, after almost two years, but it’s true. We’ll see what happens. Meanwhile I hope you all are doing well. I’ll update again, when I can, and let you know what’s going on. Take care.

The Alligator, revisited....

2006-05-04T07:23:00.000-05:00

As y’all know I’m busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest this week. I’m going out of town later today to Dothan, Alabama for an all day meeting on Friday. I didn’t plan on posting anything again this week until I heard about Bo Snagley’s post from the other day. It seems he re-posted his, misguided, tale about the time he and I met The Alligator. So that those of you who read his version would know the real story, I also decided to re-post mine. I originally wrote this in three parts last June. First, let me give you a little back story... Last Spring I wrote about nine posts detailing all I went through with my divorce, as well as my meeting and eventual marriage of Susan. I called them The Divorce Chronicles. Each time I’d post a new installment old Snagley would leave a comment asking, “When you going to tell about the alligator?” Well, eventually I got tired of his bitching and moaning and I composed the three part story I offer again to you here today. He quickly followed up with his “version”. If you have the time feel free to click on the following links and read the story. It’s quite entertaining; complete with colorful country folk, flatulence, mystery and SEX! I won’t be posting again till Monday so if you don’t have time to read it all today, y’all just come on back and check it out over the weekend! It’s too bad the comments aren’t there anymore....there were definitely some good’uns!! Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Have a good rest of the week and weekend!

Busy Week For Chuck....

2006-05-02T08:27:00.000-05:00

Sorry I wasn’t around yesterday, but I’ve been busy!! This week isn’t going to be an easy one, so I thought I’d give y’all the heads up that I might not be posting again for a few days. Hopefully things will settle down a bit and I can update you on the excitement that is my life by weeks end, but who knows. In the meantime I hope you all have a super week! P.S. Go check out that beer belly link in the side bar....it’s my new favorite toy!

Chuck The Tour Gulde...

2006-04-28T07:19:00.000-05:00

As most of you know I’ve been working in Mobile, Alabama this week, although I’m home now. It was a productive business trip during the day, and a hella fun time in the evenings! As is normally the case on my travels I made some great new friends in Mobile (big shout out to Ed, Homer, et al). I hit the town, and hit it pretty hard, with those guys (and several others) last night and had a blast! I’m looking forward to my next trip in another month or so. Wednesday night dollar margaritas....I’m there! Well since Chickie suggested it, and I since I mentioned it in my lame ass audio post yesterday, I thought I’d post some pictures I took when I toured the USS Alabama and USS Drum. So sit back and let Chuck be your tour guide! And try not to fall asleep at your desk... It rained all morning long on Wednesday and I was really worried I wouldn’t be able to visit the Naval exhibt, but luckily around 1pm the skies began to clear and I took a little time from work to head toward the ships. Here I am driving west on I-10 towards downtown Mobile. See the skyline in the far distance? I began the tour and was amazed at how huge the battleship is. I walked all around the deck, checking out the guns (small, big and HUGE), then headed below decks to look around. Everything is pretty much restored to appear exactly as it did during World War II, when the 2500 plus crew was out in the Pacific kicking some Japanese ass. Being the way I am I couldn’t help but take a couple pictures of the enlisted men’s head, including the urinals and shitters. Luckily it wasn’t stinking, but I can imagine it would back in the day. After the battleship I walked over to check out the submarine USS Drum and along the way I passed a group of planes and fighter jets. As you can see in this pic, if you click to enlarge, most of them look like they’ve been through a war zone. Well that’s a fairly accurate assessment. They’re heavily damaged not from war, but from Hurricane Katrina. It’s really a shame. Here is the sub, torpedo room and bridge. It was a bit claustrophobic. I can’t imagine living on one of those things for months at a time. An even bigger problem I had was trying to fit my 6'5" frame through the hatches. I couldn’t imagine being in a war time situation, scrambling to battle stations and trying to hurry through a hatch and being yelled at from behind, “Hey man move your fat ass!” Well folks, there you go. I hope it’s been very educational for you all. I’ve got a big day of catch up with admin crap for work, so I better close this out. Y’all have a great weekend! Talk to you next week.

2006-04-27T09:13:00.000-05:00

Boring Post From The Road....

2006-04-26T07:03:00.000-05:00

Once again your good buddy Chuck is out of town and writing from a lovely hotel room in Mobile, Alabama. It’s been a very long day! I left home around 10:00 this morning and all was well till about 35 miles outside of Mobile when the rain started. It wasn’t your usual rain storm, it was hellacious. It was one of those down pours that even the high setting on the windshield wipers wouldn’t handle. The rain hitting the hot interstate created a hella amount of steam. It was like driving in a snow storm white out. Luckily I made it here safely....obviously. Thanks for being all worried for me and shit. So, y’all remember the last time I was down here and I made friends at a nearby restaurant? Well the same thing happened tonight, only it was a different restaurant in a entirely different part of the city. Last night I went to the local Ruby Tuesday and sat my ass down at the bar, as I often do, and within a few minutes I was chatting up several people sitting around me including the female bartender. After about thirty minutes a guy came and sat down next to me and in no time he and I quickly became buddies. As the beer and shots flowed we talked more and more about all kinds of crap. I learned that he is a architect who works on historical building renovations and he learned that I’m a big American Idol fan. After our third Soco and Lime shot I crossed that proverbial line and told him all about my blog. I even wrote down the address for him and was sure to mention the HNT links on the sidebar. As I write this now, sober, I’m wondering if that was such a good idea...Anyway....Ed my friend from Mobile....if you’re reading this, I had a great time talking with you last night. Next time I’m in town we’ll have to do it again! Today I have to work with a customer, but I’m hoping to be able to knock off a bit early because I intend to tour the USS Alabama and take some pictures. I also plan on going downtown and taking some pics of some of the beautiful old buildings. If I do I’ll be sure to post them here on my blog. Aren’t you all kinds of excited? Stay tuned boys and girls....it’s sure to be a edge of your seat blogging experience! Till then, here’s a picture of the room I’m staying in at this very moment. Pretty exciting, right? Y’all have a great Wednesday. I plan on hitting the town pretty late tonight, so I probably won’t be posting again till Friday. Then again, maybe I'll do an audio post at some point on the drive home on Thursday....we'll see....Later!

The Chuck Quiz....

2006-04-24T07:36:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to post this for almost six hours now...Blogger has been a bitch this morning! Since everybody and their brother has created one of these, I thought I'd join the bandwagon... Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com! Go ahead, see how well you know your old buddy Chuck. This should be good....

What I did on my Florida Easter Vacation

2006-04-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

By: Chuck Second Grade Mrs. Harris’ class Well let’s see, where to begin? I know you’re all wanting to read the juicy sexy stuff, so I guess I’ll start with that. Here is a picture of two young chicks who were laying out next to Susan and I on the first day. Over the four or five hours I shared a space on the deck with them, we all got to know one another pretty well. Early in the afternoon Susan went up to the room to shower and nap and I, fueled with alcohol, decided to stay and continue to get to know them. Every time the drink girl would walk by I’d buy them pina coladas which would cause them to want to learn more and more about your boy Chuckie. They were both college Seniors from Georgia, at least that’s what they said, and I think they even might have been a little sweet on each other. Several times they’d take turns rubbing suntan oil on the other and it took all I could do to not offer to give them a hand. Especially when the one in black was rubbing the inner thigh of the blonde. I swear she got within a half inch of the honeypot. Yeah, I was sporting some major wood. Every ten minutes or so I’d remember that I was a dad, and that I was 37 years old, and that I had a wife up in the hotel room. That would help the swelling go down! They did invite me out for drinks and dancing that evening, but alas I had to decline. On the second day we actually started off down at the beach, then moved up to the pools later. Here is a view from the sand looking back up at the hotel and pool areas. We rented a couple of the chairs and umbrella (that's ours on the far left, chairs pulled out facing East) and after about an hour or so a couple with two kids took up space three umbrellas down from ours. The were definitely Eastern European, based on their foreign speaking, and the fact they had no issue with public nudity. At first it was kinda cute, nothing odd, especially when they stripped the little ones down and dressed them in bathing suits. It got weirder when the father stood up, didn’t even take a look around to see if anyone was looking, and stripped out of his Bermuda shorts, standing there naked from the waist down. He then paused for a second to flop his cock and balls around, maybe to air them out or something...then bent over, ass facing us of course and pulled on a red and yellow Speedo. It was freaking hilarious! It got better though when the wife took off her t-shirt and bra and put on a bikini top. She had some nice milk bags...from the size of 'em she must have still been breast feeding! I wish I’d been brave enough to pull out the camera and snap some pictures, but Susan wouldn’t let me. It’s a shame. I should have walked over and introduced myself. Mr. Speedo could have definitely used some advice on manscaping. Dude had more hair on his crotch than he did on his head. Our hotel room was what they call a Junior Suite. It was basically three rooms; a small area with bunk beds, a dressing area/bathroom, and a large room with king sized bed, couch, table and chairs. Then there was the balcony. We were on the fifteenth floor. Here’s a couple pictures looking out from our balcony. It was hard to find some time for Susan and I to be alone as man and wife, so to speak, without the kids being around. The kids were always keyed up and raring to go. They wouldn’t want to go to sleep till really late. Usually by then Susan and I would be too tired to kiss good night, much less knock one out. But we did find the time, on the last night, to get a little freaky. My son was asleep and my daughter T was busy reading on the bottom bunk. I told her that Susan and I were going to go out on the balcony and smoke and talk for a while. She looked up sleepily and said good night. The wife and I slipped out on the balcony, closed the sliding glass door and drapes and started making out. Within a minute we’d stripped out of boxers and panties and I had her hold on to the railing, leaning over, while I kissed her back and neck and fingered her from behind. At first she was a bit scared. Not just from the possibility of being seen, but also from being so far up from the ground. I put on my best salesman voice and assured her that everything would be okay, it would be exciting actually. I leaned her back over the railing (notice the rail in the picture above) and slipped inside her, but I didn’t pound too hard. It would have been such a tragedy if my hard doggie style thrusts were to force us to break the railing and fall fifteen floors to our death. That would have been an embarrassing crime scene...no doubt. All turned out well though and she admitted the orgasm was pretty intense. I’m guessing that was due to looking down from so far up, and the exhibitionism of it all. Surely it had nothing to do with lil’Chuck and my lovin’ skills!! A funny thing did happen while my daughter T and I were standing in the ocean. You may remember that she recently became a woman and got her first period. Well, we were standing there in the water and I was telling her about how, if she needed to pee, she should just walk out into the water about waist deep and let it go. It would be a lot easier than trekking all the way back up to the hotel restrooms. She stood there a minute contemplating the information then asked, “What if a little blood squirted out, since I got my period, and the blood attracts sharks?” I don’t have to tell you how hard that made me laugh! We both laughed about it for a good while. Later, once we were back in the water, I said...in all seriousness, “You know there is a certain breed of shark that is attracted only to menstrual blood.” Luckily she’s still gullible enough to believe me. Don’t worry, I told her it was a joke. Well, that’s pretty much all I feel like going into detail about now. We had a wonderful time. Like I said last week...it was the first time, since Susan and I have been married, that we’d taken an actual vacation with the kids. We may have spent a shit load of money, but it was worth it! I’m looking forward to the next time. Have a great weekend everyone!

The Perfect Woman...

2006-04-20T06:30:00.000-05:00

What’s perfect about her you ask? Well....she won’t talk back (queefs don’t count), you can share her with three of your friends, when she’s on the rag you still have another end to have fun with (wait, that’s the case with a chick with a mouth too...), she won’t spend your hard earned money, when she lays around the house all day it’s totally acceptable, you don’t have to take her out anywhere unless you want to and she can't get a lousy haircut so you don’t have to worry about acting like you like it. Can you think of any other advantages? In other news....here’s Kelly Pickler’s prom picture. I’m thinking she’s “not that innocent!” Yeah, I’d pick Pickler....for a one night stand. I’m thinking she’d be a pretty cheap date...in more ways than one! I bet some North Carolina sixteen year old redneck punk had a fun time with her the night this picture was taken. Nice yard Kelly. It looks like your Grandpa needs to mow some of that there grass behind you. Yeah, y’all’ve probably already seen both these pictures but I hadn’t until yesterday. Seeing as I still haven’t downloaded my pictures for the vacation post I thought I’d make an attempt to entertain you with something else. Hopefully it worked. Easter Family Vacation Post tomorrow.....I promise...(fingers crossed)...Later! P.S. Hey ladies...no offense, okay? ;) P.S.S. Glad to see Ace leave last night. Now that he's gone Paris, Elliot and Chris will follow. We'll be seeing Taylor and Katharine as the final two. Mark my words! Unfortunately my satellite went out twenty minutes into the show, damn thunder storms, but luckily I was able to do a Blogger search and find the results on Brigitte's blog. Thanks girl!

If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy....

2006-04-19T07:21:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone! Sorry I didn’t get a chance to post yesterday. We got back from vacation Monday evening and then I was slammed all day Tuesday with work. I never had more than ten minutes yesterday to myself. Missing Friday and Monday really put me behind, but I will post about the trip soon. Thanks for all the comments on my Easter post. I hope you all had a good holiday weekend. We sure did! I intend to post very soon (possibly tomorrow - but don’t hold me to it) about our family four day weekend on the Florida Gulf Coast. I’ve got pictures to share and tales to regale you with. Just give me a day or so and I’ll get right to it. As a teaser you can looking forward to discussions on the following subjects; random full frontal nakedness, boobs flashed in public, urinating in the ocean, painful sunburns, zombies eating human brains, pounds and pounds of crab legs and penile contortions. Meanwhile, did y’all watch American Idol last night? There were some pretty damn good performances. I of course thought The Soul Man, Taylor Hicks, did great....but what about Ms. Katharine McNiceAss? She was smokin’! She was definitely the best out of the six. So who do you think is going to be in the bottom three tonight? Who do you think will be going home? I say it’ll be Ace and Kelly in the bottom, then I’m mixed on the third. It’ll be either Paris or Elliot. I’m thinking Ace will be saying “bye-bye” tonight. It was also good to see Rod Stewart last night on A.I. and his big tittied girlfriend and their new baby. Do any of y’all remember the story about Rod from back in the early 80's where he had to have his stomach pumped from swallowing too much man juice? I was telling Susan about that last night, but can’t remember if it was real or just one of those urban legends. Whatever the case, the man has an awesome voice and he’s had some sexy wives/girlfriends! Alright kids, this is it for today. I have another busy day with work and I have to find some time today to go register my son for kindergarten. I can’t believe my baby will actually be going to “big boy school” in four months. Where has the time gone?

Here Comes Peter Cotton.........D'oh!!!

2006-04-14T07:13:00.000-05:00

This is the last you’ll hear from me till next Tuesday, at the earliest, and I wanted to wish you all a Happy Easter! We’re fixing to head off for our four day vacation down in Destin, Florida. I don’t suppose I have to express again here how excited I am. I have a feeling this is going to be a great family get-a-way. It’s been a while since we’ve had to worry about the “sex with kids sleeping near by” thing, but thankfully we’ll have a two room suite and the kids will be in bunk beds in the other room. I’m also hoping for a little “sex on the beach” action. I think my twelve year old might have to watch a DVD with her brother while Susan and I slip down to the moonlit beach, with a blanket for a little one on one time. Don’t worry, we won’t leave them alone for long...hell, it only takes me five minutes after all! LOL Once I’m back I’ll regale you all with tales of our adventures. Maybe I’ll even snap a few anonymous bikini pics while laying around on the beach. Wouldn’t that be exciting? Is it just me, or do other guys (and maybe a few girls) like to see those voyeur pics of unsuspecting chicks walking or laying on the hot sand? Maybe it is just me....I am a perv after all! Before I go I thought I’d present for you a special Easter picture. Since it’s NSFW I have it on my picture site. It’s a picture of me, pre-op. I hope you enjoy!! HAPPY EASTER WEEKEND!!

Home Again, Vacations and Becoming a Woman...

2006-04-12T09:03:00.000-05:00

It’s good to be home again. I’m swamped with work today, trying to catch up thanks to two and a half days out of the office. I got home yesterday just in time to get my son dressed in his soccer gear and head off to have individual and team pictures made, then to play a make up game missed from Saturday, due to the rain. We made it back home in time to order pizza and watch American Idol. Taylor and Chris were certainly the stand outs last night. I certainly don’t think they have anything to worry about for tonight. Who do you think might be going home? I can see Ace and Paris in the bottom three. Not sure about a third person though. Ah, bring on the relaxation! We’re leaving on Friday for four days chillin’ in Destin, Florida. I’m really looking forward to it. This will actually be the first vacation, as short as it may be, that Susan and I have taken with the kids in the two and a half years we’ve been married. We’ve taken many vacation trips together, as documented on this blog (beach trips/cruises to Cozumel/Banff, Canada - where I was sexually molested by a ghost), but never as a family. It should be a blast! I can’t wait to lay in the sun, swim, drink fruity drinks, play with the kids in the pool and eat a truck load of fresh seafood. Yeah, I’m ready to leave now! There was a monumental event that happened in the life of the Chuck family this past Saturday. I was in the master bathroom wrapping up a very satisfying bowel evacuation when I head my 12 year old daughter yell from upstairs, “Hey can someone bring me a pad!” A pad? Hmmm, that can mean only one thing! Someone just took her first big step into adulthood. I finished things up and followed Susan up the stairs to investigate the excitement. Susan went into the bathroom to help my daughter with her menstrual materials and I stood outside the closed door singing the Neil Diamond song, “Girl you’ll be a woman soon”. It was one of those classic moments. She was embarrassed and excited, and I was sure to rib her about it all day. I made her call my Mom, my sister and various other family members and share the good news. Susan gave her the same advice her mom had given her when she first started, “Remember...sticky side down”. I threatened to hang a banner up outside the house to announce to the neighbors that T was now a woman. She didn’t like that idea, but I did have her write on a piece of printer paper, in red magic marker, “I got my period - April 8, 2006" and then I took several pictures of her holding up the sign. Hey, someday she’ll appreciate it. She’ll always have photographic evidence of the exact date she first got her period, and what she looked like on that day. Ain’t I a peach? I’m so proud of my little girl! We’ll that’s it for today. I’m back to slaving for corporate America now. Y’all have a good one!

Two Nights in a Hotel, and True or False....

2006-04-11T07:24:00.000-05:00

Good Tuesday morning everyone! I’m writing this on Monday night around 11 pm. I’m sitting in a hotel room in Jackson, Mississippi. It’s a rather nice hotel room, by the way; a two room suite with a whirlpool tub. Not too shabby. Anyway, it’s been a busy past couple of days. I got in here around noonish on Sunday and have been working pretty much non stop ever since. But I have had my evenings free. The following are just a few things I may or may not have done over the past few days. Feel free to speculate on which are true and which may be false.....

Was pulled over for speeding in Meridian, Mississippi. I was doing 84 in a 70 mph zone. Flirted shamefully with obviously gay State Trooper and got off with a warning and his cell phone number. Hey, if the chicks can work what their mama’s gave ‘em, why can’t the men?

Went to Hooters to eat wings/crab legs/drink beer and noticed a very attractive redhead sitting about four feet away. She was wearing a wedding band and so was I. We made small talk; her hubby was out of town and so was I. She liked watching NASCAR and I liked wings, boobs and beer. We ended up sitting together and she helped me crack open my crab legs, and dipped my meat in the melted butter. Got her cell phone number, but being the “true to my vows” kind of guy I am....I didn’t call. Nor did I memorize/save to my phone for when I'm in town again....

Watched the Sopranos and Big Love, sitting on the couch in my separate sitting room...wishing I had the one I love sitting there with me.

Took a shower in my whirlpool tub slash shower, letting the hot massaging water beat upon my neck and aching back, and accidently soaked the floor of the bathroom. Used all but one of the towels to sop up the inch of water on the tile floor.

Picked up someone I’ve never met before at the airport.

Before the night was over I ended up getting a killer buzz with said person from the airport.

Dined at this restaurant and had one of the best beef fillets I have ever eaten, topped with lump crab meat and 6 grilled shrimp on the side.

Shared a couple of killer bottles of red wine, along with two Sky vodka tonics. Taking my fifth sip of the first vodka tonic I felt something between my top front teeth. Went to pull it out and discovered a black hair, about six inched long. Ended up getting all the mixed drinks for our table free, but still the tab was $280.

Got back to my hotel room in time to lay on the very comfortable king sized bed and masturbate while watching Greta Van Susteren on Fox News. She’s hella hot!!

Discovered that I have to cut my business trip short and come home early on Tuesday because my good for nothing ex wife, who has no job or responsibility, can’t take my son to have his soccer team pictures made.

So, which do you think are true or false? Or are any of them actually false? You be the judge... I’ll be back to regular blogging tomorrow, and who knows...maybe I’ll even pull a HNT out of my ass for Thursday. It’s not a promise, just a possibility...so don’t go being all pissed if it doesn’t work out!

A Rare Saturday Post...

2006-04-08T10:24:00.000-05:00

Found this on Tommy Gunn's blog. Thought it was too cool. There can't be much better than seeing your name spelled out with naked people! Go ahead and click on it if you want, and make your own. Hope you can read Russian. The storms didn't do much for us here. Just some high wind and big ass thunderstorms. I stayed up till 3:30 am just to make sure the tornado warning didn't come to our area. My son's soccer game was cancelled today, so I guess it wasn't all bad! Well, we're off for a family fun day. We're heading out to do some shopping then out for sushi tonight! Later.

T. G. I. freaking F.

2006-04-07T14:56:00.000-05:00

Thank God this week is winding down. I've just got in from a morning meeting in the capitol city. That would be the Alabama capitol and not the U.S. There is a hella big ass storm heading this way. They're talking hurricane force winds, tornados and hail the size of my nuts. It'll be a fun evening here....probably with no power and scared kids. But the sex by candle light should be entertaining. Of course that can be done with or without electricity. I get one day of rest then I head out again on Sunday for three days. I am soooo ready to spend some time at home again. I feel like I've been gone on another tour of duty in Iraq or something! Well, that's about it. I've got to get some more work done before the storm gets here. Maybe if I'm bored Sunday night in my hotel room I'll post some naked pics of me, or something. If you're lucky, that is! LOL Have a GREAT weekend!! Edit: 10:00pm, we haven't had a drop of rain yet. Folks up in Tennessee, and other places north of here, haven't been so lucky. Sandy, I hope y'all've stayed safe. And, yeah...funny testicle jokes in the comments....Guy and Snag, y'all are so funny...

Tragedy, Times Three...

2006-04-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

Do you recognize this guy? Huh....Do ya? He’s one of my favorite singers ever. His music played a big part of my “redneck existence” from the time I was in the ninth grade till pretty much the present day. I can’t count the times I’ve sat around drunk with fraternity brothers, listening to his music and spitting Copenhagen juice in a cup. I learned a valuable lesson from him, a lesson that I’ve kept close to my heart ever since the mid 80's and that is that, “We say grace and we say ma’am, if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn.” Yeah, a county boy can survive. I’ve loved Hank Williams, Jr for years...but you never see him without his hat and sunglasses. You seriously NEVER see him this exposed ever since he had his nearly life ending fall from a mountain while climbing it, or something, back in the 70's. But here he is....It seems he’s been arrested for some kind of assault. You can read about it here if you’d like. He’s got to be innocent. Hank Jr. wouldn’t do something like that. He’s all about love, you know. I’m ready to protest. Who’s with me? It's a tragedy. In other news...wow, what a shocker last night on American Idol. Mandisa, what happened girl? Maybe you shouldn’t have sang a Shania song. You’ve got a hella voice, but when we think of a Shania's tunes we think of a hot chick from Canadia. But you do have a very pretty face! It’s a shame she’s gone. Next week they’re singing songs from the great group Queen. Hell, if she was still around she could perform Fat Bottom Girls! It's a tradegy. For those of you wondering what’s up with me and HNT, well I think I’m about spent in that department. I’ve shown pretty much everything that can be shown half-nekkid. Yeah, I know...It's a tragedy. I left a rather descriptive comment yesterday in response to a question on this subject from Bellarosa. But now that Osbasso has the anonymous HNT site going on, I might just have to contribute! Stay tuned... Later.

Homeward Bound....

2006-04-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

Today I head back home after two nights out of town. I’ve got one night at home, then I leave again on Thursday for another night out. I’m home then Friday and Saturday and then I head out again on Sunday for three days. After that I get a half week with my family then a wonderful Easter weekend at the beach with them. Yeah, I’m looking forward to that. Hey, I want to thank y’all who commented yesterday about how awesome my wife is. You know what? She really is! I’m so fortunate to have found and married a woman like Susan. She does so much for her family and I’m the luckiest man in the world. I’m thinking today when I get home I’ll just have to show her how appreciative I am. I might even let her cum this time! No, seriously she always get’s off...I make sure of that. So, did y’all watch American Idol last night? I have to say that pretty much everyone’s performances sucked big disgustingly hairy balls (and you all know how I feel about nut sack hair maintence). Even my boy Taylor, although singing one of my favorite songs, left a lot to be desired. It’ll be interesting to see who goes home tonight. How do y’all predict will be outta there? I think Bucky needs to pack up his stuff and head back to Hicktown. Alright folks, this is about all I’ve got for you today. Go have a wonderful day and take full advantage of Hump Day! I sure do intend to hump my way to mutual happiness later today, and again tonight!!

Random Drunk Thoughts....

2006-04-04T07:06:00.000-05:00

I thought I should post something since I left you all postless on Monday. Really though, I don’t have anything. I’m out of town, in a hotel, cause you know I “work hard for the money”. Yeah, I’m wishing Donna Summer, circa 1980, was here right now.... It’s actually around midnight on Monday night as I write this, and I’m pretty much three sheets to the wind. I have this arrangement with Julie where she’ll post for me in the morning (and correct my misspellings), while I’m fast asleep (she’ll be up getting her kids ready for school) and she’ll change the time so it looks like I posted in the morning. Well now you all know my secret. Yeah, did I mention that I’m drunk? And now for some random Drunk Thoughts... So, how about Florida? What about that national championship? I’m glad to see that butt licking California team loose again. Don’t get me wrong....I hate me some Florida Gators, but I’d still rather see a SEC team win than anyone else. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Certain kinds of jeans don’t look as good on me as others. I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s the cut of the material....maybe it’s the color of the denim...but for some reason my package looks bigger in two out of the four pairs I have. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note to self; Be careful when shaving the balls. If you don’t get the skin smoothed out just right you might cut the sack. Blood in the underwear, later when you look, can really freak you out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you’re talking to random people at the bar at Chili’s be sure you don’t have an itchy crotch from a recent shaving. All the scratching might make people think you have parasites...ie, crabs. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I’m thinking of taking up belly dancing. Or at least becoming an instructor. There are some hot mama’s who belly dance, and I don’t mean just the Middle Eastern ones. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My hotel bed is one of those Sleep Number beds. I’m not sure which number to set it on. I’m thinking 27, but I could go as high as 35. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There is a mirror directly in front of the desk where I sit now. I’m looking at myself (shirtless) in the mirror as I type this and I’m thinking I really need to look into shaving my chest...or at least waxing it a little. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wish Dr. Phil was my Dad, or at least my Uncle. If he was my Dad maybe I’d be the son who married the Playboy Playmate instead of that other guy. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Titties are nice. They’re warm and comfy and squishy....and they have nipples. Much better than cantaloupes. Cantaloupes have a rough skin that hurts when you suck on it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Those idiots from PETA...wouldn’t it be better if it was called PITA? And stand for Pain In The Ass? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you hear a couple having sex in the hotel room next door, who says its wrong to take one of the water glasses and press it up between the wall and your ear? I mean, why would they give you glasses if they didn’t want you to hear? They could just provide the plastic ones, like the cheap hotels have. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife is the best Step-Mom in the world. She works 60 hours a week, their Mother works none, but she can leave work early to take the stepson to soccer practice, while the Mother sits in her apartment and thinks of anyone else but her children. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My underarm hair is scary.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay, there you go with some random drunk thoughts from Chucky. They don’t make much sense but I just had to put these thoughts out there. Have a great Tuesday!!

Heartbreak Hotel

2006-03-31T07:08:00.000-06:00

Yesterday my twelve-year-old daughter T came home with tears in her eyes. I had just gotten in from a day of meetings and work when she walked home from the bus. I could tell immediately that something wasn’t right. I assumed that something had gone wrong at school, and I was right. It seemed one of her best friends made a move towards T’s boyfriend and won. She’s heartbroken. Now I’ve known this “friend” of hers for a couple years. We’ve had her over to spend the night countless times and taken her places with us, etc. This girl is a total piece of shit. She’s been busted already at school and at a store for stealing. She’s a habitual liar. When she’s here at the house she puts on the “Eddie Haskell” act and tries to act all nice and polite, but you can see right through her. Susan and I’ve tried to get T to drop this friend for months now, but my ex is a friend of the girls Mom so it makes it hard for T to end things. Hell, the girl’s step Dad is a minister so you’d think she’d act like she had some kind of home training. Then again, you know what they say about Preacher’s Kids… So I laid it on the line with T yesterday afternoon and told her she needed to cut off this skank once and for all. Once I was done hugging her and wiping away her tears I told her that I’d help her write a note to the ex boyfriend. Last night after dinner I sat down and dictated what I thought she should say to the punk. Man did we have fun with that! It took a couple of drafts, but we finally got things like we liked them. We ended it with this statement, “I’m not saying all this because I want to get back together with you. I’m writing it because I want you to know the truth about _____ . Besides, I wouldn’t want to go out with someone who would stoop so low as to break up with me for someone as disgusting as her.” Ain’t no two bit punk ass 7th grader going to mess with my precious! Just to clarify, the kids in the seventh grade here don’t actually go out. “Going out” is the phrase they use for being boyfriend and girlfriend. Like when I was young we said “going together”. Anyway, it’s mostly a relationship for the hallway at school. They don’t even talk on the phone together. But still, he was her first real boyfriend and I hate to see her hurt. Well it’s Friday, but the weeks not over for me. I’ve got a shit load of work to do today before the whistle blows and I slide down the dinosaur’s back, clock out and head home to Wilma. I’ve also got a lot of travel time in my future. I’ll be out of town three days next week and then three more the week after. What will my wife do without me? I already told her that I’m sorry she’ll have to go without the wonders that are my manhood and sexual technique for so many nights. She just rolled her eyes and snorted. Ah, it’s great to be so loved…. Y’all have a great weekend!

Happy Hump Day!

2006-03-29T07:00:00.000-06:00

Yo, yo, yo! Sup Dawgs? Sorry, just channeling Randy Jackson there for a minute. Hey folks. Damn, this week is kicking my ass and it’s only half over. I have never looked forward to a Friday more than I am now. I’m actually typing this (slightly drunk) Tuesday night cause I know I won’t have time to do much more than click “post” in the morning. I’ve got meetings galore Wednesday, and several more on Thursday. So don’t y’all be expecting a HNT pic from me, okay? I’m sure you’ll all understand. So, is everyone still watching American Idol? Yeah, I thought so. You know Taylor Hicks is DA MAN, right? I’m sure you saw the perspective Idol’s performances last night and you’ll agree with me that he was the best. Chris who? Yeah, after last nights show I’m convinced that Chris Daughtry can’t sing anything but hard rock shit. Check out the new Taylor game link thing I have (added by Julie) on my side bar. It’s all kinds of fun! Click on it and watch him dance. Okay, so obviously I don’t have much to say today... Oh, yeah....There was something exciting that happened last night. I was outside having a cig and watching my dog take a dump and I heard some loud music coming for the hot young chick’s house (purchased for her by her rich Dad) next door. My curiosity got the best of me and I walked over to the house and found myself getting all wrapped up in the drunken festivities. Luckily I had my camera and took this picture. ;) I don't know about you, but there is something kinda hot about this picture. Maybe it's the chicks kissing, or the hand in the pants, or the bra covered boobage....nah, it's definitely the cigarette betwixt her fingers! LOL Thanks Shumpeh! Y’all have a great Wednesday and Thursday. I’ll be back with more on Friday. Happy Hump Day! I'll be humping me some tonight!! P.S. I finally got a chance to respond to your comments from the last post. Thanks for taking the time to holla!

A Little Bit of Nothing...

2006-03-27T08:37:00.000-06:00

I’m embarking on what will be a week from hell. I’ve got a ton of work related crap to do this week; meetings to attend, people to see and places to go. Don’t expect much from me until at least Friday. I’m not saying I won’t “pound one out” later for the old blog, but at this point it’s highly unlikely. My kids went with their Mother over the past week to visit family in Florida. Susan and I have enjoyed a week as childless parents, it’s been nice but I’m ready to see them again. They’ll be home sometime today. Not much excitement happened here over the weekend. We watched a lot of television; movies, basketball and shit on Tivo. Yesterday we went out to lunch and then to see Inside Man at the movies. It was very good! If you’re a Denzel, Clive Owen or Jodie Foster fan then this is the movie to see. I highly recommend it to everyone. Is anyone else as happy as I was to see Tony Soprano finally come out of that coma? Man, I was ready to stop watching, after last night’s episode, if he hadn’t. They better start kick starting some action soon! I’ve waited a long time for this show to start back up...I want to be entertained! Well folks, it’s back to the salt mines for me. My five minute break is over. I hope you all have a good and productive week. I’m ready for Friday already! Later...

Let's Talk About......?

2006-03-24T06:58:00.000-06:00

For those of you who often find yourself wondering exactly what it is that Julie and I talk about everyday on the phone, I thought I’d enlighten you. The following list includes actual points of discussion we had throughout the day of March 23, 2006.

What if you farted out of your mouth and burped from your butt?

If you could have any career in the world what would it be? (I chose being a famous actor, she chose being a flip flop shop owner...figures)

The upcoming Larry The Cable Guy Movie...should we be start camping out in line for tickets now?

Circumcised versus uncircumcised...which is better? Benefits and features of both.

Albinos, why is it they’re always featured as villains in the movies?

Polygamy - How I’d like to have four wives, maybe five.

How the nation would be better if the Confederacy had won the War of Northern Aggression.

The benefits of being a woman and having a blast of hot cum in your face.

Natalee Holloway - saint or sinner?

Y2K, did we do anything to prepare?

Bo Snagley’s fowl sex.

So there you go. Just a small portion of one day’s discussion. Y’all feel free to pick any one of the topics and give me your thoughts in the comments. Have a GREAT WEEKEND! TGIF Baby!

Where Everybody Knows Your Name...

2006-03-23T07:00:00.000-06:00

Okay, so based on your responses I rectum Fecal Friday is a no go. Oh well, I thought it was a great idea, but I don’t want to disgust people any more than I usually do. I suppose I’ll just have to delete all the poop pics off my digital cam....what a waste. So, in other news I’ve returned from three days in Mobile, Alabama. Other than having to actually work, I had a great time. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a very sociable person. I love to meet new people and make new friends. There was a time in my past when I used to frequent bars and just strike up conversations with whoever was sitting near me. Those conversations, combined with the alcohol, would often cause me to get into a bit of trouble. And by trouble I mean wild sex with strangers. Of course those “one night stand” days are in the*cough* past, but I still like to drink it up with random people. I did this frequently over the past three nights. There was a restaurant near the hotel I was staying at, and I took a good friend/customer there for dinner Sunday night. We sat in the bar area and I quickly realized that the crowd around the bar were mostly regulars and all pretty friendly with each other. My kind of place, I thought. I got friendly with the waitress/bartender, Ida, as well as a couple of the patrons sitting closest to our table. Monday night I again chose the same joint, deciding against driving too far and risking a possible DUI. This time I sat at the bar smack dab in between a busty blond 30 something and an attractive black lady with some serious junk in the trunk. Ida remembered me from the night before and soon I had my beer and was working on my first shot. I used one of my time tested ice breakers by ordering a redheaded slut shot, and that instantly got the attention of the ladies next to me. They of course wanted to try my favorite shot concoction and three drinks later I had the blond’s hand on my knee, the hot black chicks arm around the back of my stool and I realized at that point that Old Chuckie was back! God it felt good. We continued on for another hour talking, joking, drinking and flirting. Ms. Big Tits asked me if I’d like to accompany her to Biloxi to party a little more, but I declined. I may like to flirt, but something told me that if I went with her I’d probably be tempted to end up balls deep in this chick, and that might go against a few of the vows I took about two and a half years ago. Yeah, I bet you didn't know I could withstand temptation. Tuesday night, once work was done, I showered and headed back to the restaurant. This time when I walked into the bar area Ida called out my name and began pouring me a Ultra draft. She introduced me to a couple fellas sitting at one end of the bar and I joined them and began making friends. I had a great time getting to know those guys. We talked about all kinds of stuff and I really felt accepted and part of the crowd. We ended up doing two rounds of sluts, a shot of Rumplemintz and a shot of Goldschlager. Combined with all the beer, I was gradually feeling no pain! As the evening wound down I realized I should probably cut the booze and head back to the hotel. My bar buds asked me to come back the next time I was in town, and assured me they’d probably be sitting here at the bar whenever I get back. I think I will stay in that hotel, in that part of the city, the next time I’m there. I really had a great time each night I was there. Those folks certainly made me feel at home. I wish I had friends like these here...Can you tell I’m lonely? Yeah, I'm pathetic. I hope y’all are having a good week!

I know you like to think your s**t don't stink....

2006-03-20T08:00:00.000-06:00

Howdy folks! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I had a pretty good one, if I may say so. Don’t have much to report today, other than I’m working out of town again. This time I’m in Mobile, Alabama, and I’m here for another food show...what fun! I’ll be here through Wednesday so I’m not sure if I’ll get another chance to post again for a couple days, although I’ll try to if I have the time. I know I promised to write about the last day of the “Chuck and Julie” experience from last weekend, but I’m afraid it’ll have to wait. Actually Julie is going to write about it today and post some more pictures as well. If you’re wanting to read about our night in the tent you might want to click on over to her blog and check it out. Plus you'll get to see me urinating. I’m sure you’ll be entertained! Before I close this up there’s something I want to run past you all. I’ve been thinking about a new weekly feature for my blog. As everyone knows, Half-Nekkid Thursday is an enormous hit in the blogosphere, but I think we can take it a step further. Check it out...I’m envisioning something I’d like to call “Fecal Fridays”. You all know, as well as I do, that sometimes when you get up from the toilet you’re pretty impressed with what you see in the bowl. How many times have you called out to your significant other and said, “Hey (insert name here), you gotta come see this!” Well imagine if you were to take a picture of it and then post it on your blog? I’m sure it would be a big hit! We could even have a button made up for it, just like for HNT. Y’all let me know what you think. I’m expecting the response to be positive and over the top! Think of the comments we could all get. Each one would end with “Happy Fecal Friday!”, or “HFF!” for short! Seriously, think about it and let me know. Osbasso created a hit, why can't I? ;) Talk at y’all later!

More About The Trip (Day 1 & 2)

2006-03-17T07:48:00.000-06:00

I thought I’d take today and write a little about the wonderful three days I had with Julie and Paul, and share a few more pictures while I’m at it. We met Saturday night at a Hampton Inn in Jackson, Ms. I actually arrived a few hours before they did, so I had to wait anxiously for their arrival and the first meeting. I was okay till Julie called and told me they were about thirty minutes from getting there. The nerves started up then. Luckily I had already had a couple cocktails (I always bring my mini bar with me whenever I travel) so the nerves weren’t too intense. Soon I received another call and it was Julie saying they were turning into the hotel parking lot. I knew that was my cue to come on out, greet them and then help them carry their shit up to the room next to mine on the fourth floor. Down the elevator I went, out into the corridor and over to the side door. Then I froze; I couldn’t bring myself to open that door and walk out to find their car. I stood there for a minute, hand on the door slowing my breathing and thinking. I couldn’t believe that finally after more than a year I was going to be coming face to face with those two. This was a momentous occasion. I’m sure you can gather, from what you’ve read in the past, that we have a special bond; an unusually formed friendship that in most cases wouldn’t have developed as it did. Everyday people “meet” through blogs or in other ways on the Internet, and I’d imagine in most cases those meetings don’t amount to much at all. It’s been different with us, from the very beginning. So, there I stood…waiting to step through that door and meet my friends. After a few moments more I did just that. It was AWESOME!! Now for some highlights: Saturday Night:

Kicked things off by having cocktails in the room

Got in the car and drove to Hooters (Julie’s first time)

Drank three pitchers of beer then drove to a sports bar

Find out that the titty bars in Jackson had recently been closed by the mayor (son of a bitch!)

Julie and I played Darts while Paul took random pictures, and the Beverly Hillbillies played on the tv above our heads

Had a few redheaded slut shots (Julie’s first time - see in pic on the table)

Back to the hotel around 1am, Paul passed out and Julie and I stay up and talk

Sunday Day

Up early and went out for some shopping

Lunch at Red Lobster…hello? Can you say Lobster Fest?

Went to The Bass Pro Shop, took pictures of Julie kissing an alligator (see pic)

Back to the hotel to watch the redneck festival, er I mean, NASCAR

Sunday Night

Started drinking again around 4pm

Walked next door to Chili’s for more drinking and dinner

Had a shit load of Purple Hooter shots (Julies first time)

Paul is the only one to eat, Julie and I drink heavily (2 for 1 Margaritas)

Leave there and go to yet another sports bar

Have more redheaded sluts and pitchers of beer

Julie and Paul play pool (see pic) and I play songs on the jukebox and flirt with two chicks at the bar, Julie flashes patrons and shows cleavage (see pic)

Bet them I can get the girls to invite me to join them, but Julie declines to make the bet

Take a pictures of Julie making out with a stuffed animal head hanging on the wall (see pic)

Back to the hotel, Paul and I jack off to see who can cum the fastest and Julie takes pics and dances like a stripper, Paul wins

Julie’s so drunk she slips in spilled cum and hits her head on the edge of the desk

We call 911 and she’s kept overnight with a slight concussion

And now for some pictures...

I'll write about the day and night (oh what a night it was) of camping next time!! Oh yeah, Happy St. Patrick's Day! There sure were some great S.P.D. pics yesterday for HNT! Thanks for all the comments on mine. Tonight I shall party with the wife, eat wings and drink green beer....Hooters anyone? Have a good Friday!!

HNT - Chuck O'Leary and his Pot O'Gold....

2006-03-16T00:05:00.000-06:00

Happy (a day early) St. Patrick's Day, and Half-Nekkid Thursday, to you all!!! I thought I'd go risque one more time for HNT. It seems to be a trend lately with me. Just in case you're wondering, this picture isn't one of those Julie and I took this past weekend..but it would have been hella cool if it had! I must give my good buddy Southern Sweetheart a shout out, and thank you, for employing her Photoshop skills! Just think....she got to see the unedited pic! lol I'll continue tomorrow with more tales from the exciting weekend I've recently returned from...and more pictures!! I'm sure y'all are dying to read/see it all!! It's not Irish, but you can kiss it if you want!! HHNT!!!! Edit: For a more NSFW version of this pic click here! Come on, you know you wanna...

I'm Back!!

2006-03-15T09:19:00.000-06:00

Well folks, we’re back at our respective homes safe and sound. Unfortunately as soon as I returned home I had to leave once again for a food show in Eastern Alabama and won’t be back home till late tonight. I expect there will be several posts from both Julie and I attempting to detail all the excitement of the past three days….and let me just tell you folks, there was a shit load of excitement! We all had more fun than three people should be allowed to have. For me personally, meeting Julie and her husband was one of the highlights of my life. Until I have the time to go into all the detail, and rest assured I will, I’ll have to satisfy your thirst with a couple pictures. The first one here is the three of us; drinking, dining and posing for pics at Hooters. Here I am…drunk off my ass, starting to get nekkid…and looking a bit on the bloated side! Y’all have a good one, and I’ll write more later… and if you want to read more today, check out Julie's blog... Sorry I didn't have more, but I'm a little busy right now, you know.... working for a living.

Yet Another Update from the FAMED Weekend!

2006-03-14T10:20:00.000-06:00

This is Southern Sweetheart again -- currently on the phone with Chuck as he's dictating this post to you people. Sheez, the things I do for him...... I'm such a good "secretary". Wonder what the pay will be this week? I want to thank my sexy secretary, Southern Sweetheart, for helping me out in my time of no internet connection. QoP, Shrek and I tried 3 times to post an audio post last night and all 3 said they completed and posted but they never showed up. They were all kinds of funny - sorry you missed them. I'm on my way home and will be reporting all the action over the next few days - complete with pictures. You have posts to come with details of wild crazy strippers, nude dancing around the fire mixed with intervenous drug use, along with a "book" of funny shit we were saying all day everyday - stupid stuff - like hey, let me stick that in there - so we got around a picnic table and wrote it all down - duh - thus the "book." I'm sure we'll share it all in the near future. I'm on my way home from Mississippi - haven't showered in 2 days and my balls stink from slapping my ass so much! I feel like I need to stop and go to the bathroom, I'm hungry & want to stop and eat but I spent all my money paying the nudies. It will be probably Thursday morning before I can share all the shit that happened. Julie may get to it before I do. Until then, ya'll have a good one. Whew! Glad that was over - this dictating shit is for the birds! This is SS again signing off...... (gosh that sounds like I should be on the SS Minnow!)

Audio Post Update #1.....or ALMOST!

2006-03-13T19:02:00.000-06:00

Hi Everyone - This is Southern Sweetheart -- Chuck called & asked me to help him out with an update to you guys. He asked me to tell you that he and the Queen are sorry for their slackness with letting you know how their spectacular meeting has been going. They had hoped to update before now but are currently out in the woods camping & don't have any access to the internet. They were planning on doing an audio post tonight and I was to add this little blurb you're now reading to the beginning of it but I'm guessing he's too damn drunk to remember the code to audio blog. Anyway, they are partying it up and having a "hella good time" and I've talked to them myself, so I can confirm it!!!! If I hear from them again and there's any pertinant, life altering news I'll be sure to update you -- and you may just want to stayed tuned anyway - I'm sure if he comes out of his drunken slumber and remembers his code there will be an audio post here at some point tonight!! This is Chuck's secretary, SS, back lata........

Folks, I am All Kinds of EXCITED!!

2006-03-10T09:44:00.000-06:00

Well y'all the time is nigh. Tomorrow around noonish I’ll be heading west to meet up with you know WHO!! As I mentioned the other day, it didn’t work out for The Queen of Pink and her husband Shrek to come all the way here, so instead we’re going to meet half way in Jackson Mississippi. And just let me tell you....we’re going to tear that town up! We’re going to have a helluva good time and I can’t wait. For nearly thirteen months now Julie and I have formed and nurtured an excellent friendship. We talk pretty much everyday, we share in the ups and downs of our respective family lives. Really we’re the best of friends, and our meeting tomorrow will be the icing on the cake. It amazes me that a friendship like this can develop over such a long period of time, and be so close, without ever having actually met. Well, that’ll be rectified come 6pm tomorrow! Do any of you have any similar situations where you have friendships like ours? In other news I’ve spent the morning at the automotive repair shop trying to get the a/c on my wife’s car fixed. That will set me back about $250. Also we had some hella bad storms around here last night and didn’t have power for about three and a half hours. Yeah that was fun, but at least the power outage didn’t interfere with American Idol....Go Taylor! Man, he’s awesome... Well, I guess this will be about it for me today. I’ve got a shit load of work to get done before the end of the day. Y’all check in sometime over the weekend. Who knows, there may be a drunken audio post or two from me, Julie and her husband. We’ll definitely be posting pictures and stories from the weekend come Tuesday. Have a great weekend, I know I sure will!!

HNT - Tappin' Dat Azz....

2006-03-09T00:03:00.000-06:00

Porn Edition... Warning - Today's Half-Nekkid Thursday is VERY Not Safe For Work. Because it involves explicit male and female (my wife and I) nudity I have posted it on my rarely used Chuck's Picture Blog. You can find today's picture by clicking here. But don't check it out if you can't look at nudity at work! If you want to comment, feel free to do so either here or on the other blog. Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!!

My T-shirt....

2006-03-08T09:46:00.000-06:00

Y'all remember all the hoopla over the cartoon drawings of Muhammad over the past month or so? Well I, like most normal Americans, feel like they were stupid reations by a bunch of idiots. I was so moved in fact I went to T-shirt Hell and ordered this t-shirt. That is actually me wearing the shirt, in case you were wondering. I still can't believe those crazy muslims reacted the way they did. Anyway, I thought y'all might get a kick out of the shirt. I've worn it around town a couple three times now. I've only gotten positive responses from people, except my wife. Yeah, she was a bit embarassed Saturday when a lady at Publix stopped us so she could read both sides. Oh well... Hey now!! Only three more days till I'm partying with Julie and her old man! I'm extremely excited! Can you tell? We're going to be meeting in Jackson, Mississippi (which happens to be exactly half way). My wife isn't going to be able to go....so I guess it'll just be the three of us, "laughing and drinking and having a party." (Nude Chuck pic to whoever can first guess the name of the song that the above quoted phrase comes from!) We'll be partying in our hotel rooms and at bars all over the city. Can you say...."possible threesome?" ;)

You Found My Blog How?

2006-03-07T07:00:00.000-06:00

I didn’t think I would have anything to write about today. I racked my mind trying to think about recent events in my life that I could share with you folks. I mentally listed everything post worthy that’s happened lately; sex with three prostitutes in a crappy hotel on the Southside of Birmingham, six car pile up (caused by me) on I-65 south, penile reduction surgery, talking Julie down from yet another attempt to jump off her town’s tallest (2 story) building and taking a second job as a cowboy then falling in love with my range riding partner. None of it seems quite interesting enough. Then it hit me...why not share eighteen of my most recent “key word searches”. You know that’ll be all kinds of exciting! So here you go, actual ways people have searched for and come to my blog, along with my thoughts on each one...

Facial (Google) I can do it for you, just hold still...

suck my pussy (MSN) I’d be happy, just wash it first...

super nanny jo frost sexy (Google) You got that right, she’s hella sexy!

how to sneak alcohol onto cruise ship (Google) I did it, and got away with it.

tappin dat (Google) Tappin dat what? Could it be, um...azz?

tennis bent over panties "skirt rode up (Google) Yeah, I’d love to see that...

I sit her on my lap and run my hand up her thighs (MSN) Oh yes I do...so smooth...

"sat on my desk" and "spread her legs" (Yahoo) First let me clear some of these papers and files out of the way...

The barber's massage caused me an erection (Google) Been there, done that...twice

50 things bad about Tobacco (Google) What? Are you saying there is actually anything bad about tobacco?

up chuck deep throat (MSN) Yes, please do...

views up her skirt (Google) My favorite view of all.

we want pussy (MSN) Chant it with me...."We Want Pussy!"

lap sitting hard panties (Google) Hard panties? What are they made of...metal? Ouch...

Well Chuck, the date started out ok, but as soon as we got to the door, she seemed to tense up (Google) Yeah, been there dude...tell me more...

mom lifted up her skirt and sat on my lap (Google) I hate when Mom does that...unless it's your Mom.

copenhagen snuff studs cock gay (Google) I dip Copenhagen Snuff, but I certainly DO NOT dip gay stud cock...not that there's anything wrong with it.

what's worse coke or lemonade? (Google) Mix the coke with bourbon and the lemondade with vodka and they're both good!

The crazy part is that these are just a small portion of the weird hits I get daily. On average I get six or seven of these zany key word searches everyday. I know all you bloggers get them too, but I’ve never (until now) taken the time to point them out. Y’all have a great Tuesday!!

Weird Dreams and the Tooth Fairy...

2006-03-06T07:02:00.000-06:00

I certainly had an interesting weekend. It all started Friday with the wife and I being completely alone. My daughter was spending the night with a friend and my son was staying with his Mother. I didn’t get finished with work till around 6pm and then Susan got home around 6:30. We watched a movie, Lord of War, and then retired to the bedroom. She was eager for some good love making so I went at it full force. Once we were finally done she was quite satisfied and I was as well. I toweled off the load of nut gravy from her stomach and tits and we went to bed. Early Saturday morning, as I was sleeping, I had some weird ass dreams. The dreams came in segments and I’ll paraphrase the three I remember: 1. I’m fucking this chick. She’s hot as hell from the waist up, but her ass is as wide as the back end of a Ford Taurus. I’m between her meaty legs and tapping it as good as I can. She makes a comment about not being able to feel my dick in her and I say, “If you weren’t so enormously fat, and if your pussy wasn’t so gaping and huge maybe you’d feel something.” 2. I’m in bed with Oprah. I reach out to pull her naked body close to mine. I place my hands between her ample bosom. I can feel the warmth and smoothness of her chocolate skin. Suddenly I wake up and I find my hands between my wife’s boobs. 3. I’m sitting in a dark classroom, in a corner, and I notice a black panther walk into the room. The cat was huge, three times the normal size. As it walks down the center isle, between the rows of desks, it moves it’s head from side to side...sniffing out human flesh. I close my eyes and hold my breath, hoping it won’t notice me hiding in the corner. Suddenly my wife walks into the room, turning on the light, and the big cat turns to her...pounces, takes her up into it’s jaws and carries her off. I feel a sudden appreciation that I was spared, then wake up. So, what do you think these dreams mean? Feel free to give me your interpretation. Saturday afternoon I went out and bought some steaks and crab cakes. I’ve become a beef snob. I’m so used to Prime Beef, the Choice stuff just doesn’t do anything for me anymore. Of course you can’t get the Prime meat at the grocery store. I go to a butcher shop to buy it and the filet mignon cost $20 a pound, but it’s worth it! I bought two pounds and headed home. This prime shit is very good, but it pales in comparison to the Alberta Beef I had back in December while we were in Canada. Anyway, I fired up the grill and cooked some succulent fillets, while frying some tasty crab cakes and sauteing some mushrooms and onions. The meal was excellent. On Sunday my son lost his first tooth. Unfortunately my ex wife was the one who had the privilege of pulling this first loose tooth. When I picked him up from her apartment he was all kinds of proud to show me his “missing tooth smile” and the tooth he had stored away in a small envelope. We talked about the Tooth Fairy and how she would leave him some money for his trouble. That evening, as I was putting him to bed, he revealed to me the decision he’d spent the better part of the day thinking about. After brushing his remaining teeth and going to the bathroom he looked up at me and said, “Dad I don’t want to leave my tooth under the pillow.” “Why’s that?” I asked. “Well it’s because I want to keep the tooth. I don’t want her to take it away.” I quickly came up with an alternative idea, the same one my Mother had suggested a million years ago when I said the same thing to her. “Let’s write a note on the envelope and ask the Tooth Fairy if she’d be willing to leave the tooth, but still leave some money.” I took the little envelope and wrote, “Please don’t take my tooth. I’m sure you have plenty already. Thank you, L.” He was satisfied and put the envelope under his pillow. I went back forty five minutes later, once he was asleep, and slipped a crisp dollar bill under his pillow. I’m so proud of my boy. He’s so much like his old man! Y’all have a great Monday!

HNT - Get me out of these jeans...

2006-03-02T00:01:00.000-06:00

I wasn’t able to come through with the Mardi Gras themed picture I mentioned in yesterday’s post so this was the best I could come up with. Here I am, removing my jeans. As they come down they begin to take my boxer shorts with them. The jeans are down around mid hip and my boxers are pulled down to within an inch of where the shaft begins. Yeah, I’m a wee bit harry, but hopefully you can tell that I keep things trimmed down there. ;) Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday everyone!

Little Ditty About Chuck and Julie....

2006-03-01T07:15:00.000-06:00

Okay folks have you noticed the little ticker thing up there? Know what that means?? Yep, you guessed it...There is only eleven days left until H.R.H. The Queen of Pink comes to visit me here in my humble home. Can you tell that I’m all kinds of excited? Yeah, I sho ‘nuf is! She and her husband, Skrek, will be pulling in here sometime Sunday evening March 12th. Of course we’ve talked about a lot of stuff she wants to do while she’s here in civilization. She, of course, hopes to see me naked (accidently of course), go out and eat some good sushi and other Japanese food, drink plenty of booze, take a trip to the top of Vulcan, pet Trooper, hang out around the house, give me a bj, etc. Besides the thrill of getting to meet her in person, there is only one other thing I’m dying to do; I’ve already warned her that I intend to dip my finger into her honey pot! LOL No seriously, we’re going to have a hella good time. By the way, have you noticed I’ve used the word “hella” in the past three or four of my posts? Yeah, it’s my new favorite word, and yes I know I’m about two years behind in using it. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Julie’s visit...I know we’re going to have more fun than George Michael in a public restroom. But I have one question for you guys. Can you suggest something you’d love to see the two of us do? If you have a suggestion we like, then we’ll do it, take pics of ourselves doing said suggestion, and post em on our blogs afterwards. Come on and give us some ideas. You know you’re dying to. By the way, y'all like our childhood picture up there? Didn't know we've been friends that long did ya? So, what else? Well, my business trip to Mississippi was cancelled yesterday and rescheduled for Thursday. So it looks like I’ll not be around for all the Half-Nekkid Thursday hoopla till later in the day. But never fear, I’ll still come up with a picture and post it late on Wednesday night. With it being Mardi Gras week and all I wish I had some beads. If I did I’d wrap em around my dick and take a pic of that. But then again I’d need a hella lot of beads! :) Guess I’ll have to come up with something else. Ive got a few ideas...tune in tomorrow to see what I come up with. Well that’s about it for today. Got a crap load of work to do so I better get cracking. I hope you all have a great Hump Day and be sure to get you in some humpin if you can. You better believe I’ll be getting some porn quality action this evening! ;) Don't forget tonight to VOTE FOR TAYLOR! Check out my button on the sidebar and my Taylor Hicks links in my blogroll.

The One Where Chuck Gives A Facial....

2006-02-28T07:48:00.000-06:00

I mentioned in my post yesterday about the accidental facial I gave my wife the other day. I think the exact words I used were, “busted three days worth of pent up man juice all over wives face (accident of course, really)” Well I got some comments about it and even a few e-mails. Nosouthernbelle even referenced my blow job post from a while back. I think there may have been a few of you who actually thought I did that on purpose. Au contraire! Allow me to give you a little more detail concerning the event... It had been since Thursday that I had enjoyed the marital privileges with my wife. By the time she and the kids got home Sunday we were both pretty horny. Somehow we managed to make it till the evening before we locked ourselves away to bump some uglies. I was rock hard and leaking by the time I positioned myself between her legs, pulled those legs over my shoulders and began slamming that wet love tunnel. My lord how wonderful it felt, for both of us. We went at it for a good fifteen minutes, hitting it hard and only pausing once for a moment so I wouldn’t finish too quickly. Once Susan had got her O on I knew it was my time and I pulled out and got ready. Before I continue I think I should explain something. We don’t use birth control very often. I know we’re asking for a possible pregnancy, but if it’s going to happen we’re ready for it. We’ve talked about having a child of our own, and will probably take that step sometime in the next year. So if it happens anytime soon we’ll be okay with it. So with that said, let me explain how we usually finish up. 90% of the time I pull out and jack off onto her body. Sometimes she will do the jacking, especially when we’re in the “me on top” position. This is what happened Sunday night. So I pull out and lean in and she takes hold of my wet and throbbing little friend. After the third stoke I begin to come. As I was coming I began to feel something building up inside me. It was actually like I was having a second orgasm. I was actually having a second one, something that’s only ever happened to me once before. But this second nut bust was totally different from all the others. When it finally hit me, it hit me like a bolt of lightning! I shot four good bursts and all four of them hit her square in the face. Keep in mind now, I'm on my knees down between her legs. She's 5'10" so that's a good three feet away. First one on her forehead, second her left cheek, third her nostrils and the fourth in her left eye. She stopped jacking it after the first volley, but I begged her to continue...and she did. What a good woman. It was the most beautiful thing ever and I was hella proud of my performance, but just let me say how NOT impressed she was. She freaked out, yelled and immediately demanded a towel. I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor and helped her use it to clean up. Trust me, we both laughed about it later. So yeah, it was an accident. Impressive, but an accident none the less. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I'll be gone all day today to Mississippi so I won't be able to see your comments till tonight. Please don't bash me too much!! You don't want me to cry do ya? ;)

I bet your weekend wasn't as fun as mine....

2006-02-27T07:14:00.000-06:00

Ah, the sights you can see at the Wal-Mart parking lot! Well folks, my weekend of freedom didn’t turn out quite as good as I had hoped. I played bachelor for 48 hours and I didn’t get into one bit of trouble, including when I went for drinks with a friend. I guess I’m just losing my ability. There was a time where I’d go to a bar and end up with at least one or two women flirting with me. These days? Not so much. Maybe it’s just a mental attitude thing. Now that I’m happily married perhaps I’m not putting the vibes out there. Hmmm, must be...because God knows I’m just as hot now as I was the last time I was fighting off the honeys down at the watering hole. Let’s see...let me recount my weekend without the wife and kids: Friday night: Sat at home - laptop in lap - drinking heavily - talked to Blog friends and ex wife (fun) on phone - in bed with my dog Trooper by 1am, read my new book till 2. Saturday: Sat at home - laptop in lap - went to Wal-Mart and wondered aimlessly looking at crap and buying nothing - went to Hooters - sat by myself eating wings, drinking beer and watching basketball on tv - considered giving blood, but changed mind cause I smelled like Hooters - watched it rain all day - sat again with laptop in lap - drank heavily - went for drinks with friend - in bed by 2 with Trooper, read till 4 Sunday: Wife calls at 9am wakes me up - can’t go back to sleep - sit with laptop again - go to grocery store and McDonalds - try to take nap, read instead - clean entire downstairs of house in the last hour before family return - prepare wonderful and healthy meal - watch tv with family - drink heavily - screw the crap out of wife - bust three days worth of pent up man juice all over wives face (accident of course, really) - bed by 11 See how hella exciting my weekend was? Don’t you wish now you’d taken me up on my offer and come for a visit? Y’all sure missed out on some memorable times.

Taylor Hicks and Home Alone....

2006-02-24T07:26:00.000-06:00

Some of you may not know this, but I’m an American Idol fan. Yes, tis true. I was/am heavily into the show during the second season, last season and this current season. Why only three out of the five? Well, there was a local guy featured in each of those seasons. We had Ruben Studdard, then Bo Bice last year, and this year we have Taylor Hicks (pictured above). All three are from, or have been long time residents of, the Birmingham, Alabama area. I’ve just got to say, my man Taylor is smokin! He’s got talent - original and pure. He sang an excellent rendition of Levon during Wednesday nights episode. Damn, it was good! If you missed it you can watch his performance by clicking here. I called to vote for him about 200 times, but only got through once. That was obviously a good sign, and last night we saw he's made it on through to the next round. Yeah I’ll be routing him all the way to the finals, just like I did for Bo last year. Oh, and speaking of Bo Bice, he showed up where my wife works a few weeks ago and she had her picture made with him. She said he was tiny, much smaller than he looks on television. I questioned why he had his pants off around her, but she didn’t think my joke was funny. Anyway... I’m glad it’s Friday. This week has been a rough one. It looks like my wife and kids will be gone this weekend. It’s turning out that ole Chuck might be completely alone for two nights and two days. Hmmm, I’m wondering what kinds of trouble I can get into? Anyone wanna come over for a party? Come on ladies....I promise you a good time. ;) We could play strip poker, truth or dare and spin the bottle. Y’all swing on over, and remember to BYOB! Also go check out my new friend from down the road in Atlanta, Becca at Dandelion Wishes. She's having some hard times, but she's real sweet and a hell of a writer. Go tell her howdy! Have a good weekend!

The Nanny, The Conclusion

2006-02-23T07:21:00.000-06:00

And now for the conclusion. If you missed the other installments you can get part one here and part two here. In this episode Dave and Ann finally get the release they've been looking for. I know this is all pretty cheesy and dumb, but it's my first attempt at writing fiction (especially erotic fiction) and as weak a read as it might be, I still kinda like it. The Nanny Taking my hands from her ass I reached around in front of her and unbuttoned three buttons of the shirt. Once I had access I reached in and cupped her tits, pulling them free from the shirt and kissing the nipples. She moaned and leaned back, giving me better access, and I began to suck and nibble on them. Her nipples were already hard, but they stiffened more with the attention I was giving them. “That feels so good Dave, bite them.” She said and I did, gently at first, then harder. I took one at a time between my teeth, alternating between biting and sucking. The entire time she continued to dry hump my lap and I began to worry that I would shoot my load in my underwear. She must have sensed my concern, because after a moment she stopped her movement and kept her eyes locked on mine as she got up from my lap settling on her knees between my legs. She put both her hands in my lap and ran her fingers along the shaft of my cock, through the material of my shorts. After a moment she moved her fingers up to the button at the waist band and unhooked it and lowered my zipper. With one hand she reached in and for the first time in two years I had another woman holding my cock in her bare hand. “You have a beautiful cock Dave. I assumed it was big, but didn’t expect this.” She said as she stroked my shaft. Not knowing exactly what to say in response I muttered a simple thank you. She giggled at that and then leaned forward and placed the head into her mouth. I leaned back in my chair determined to enjoy every minute of this blow job. It had been so long, and Ann seemed an expert. She cupped my balls in one hand and jacked my cock with the other. All while she ran her tongue around the head. Then she would take her tongue and run it from my balls all the way up my shaft and back again. “Feel good?” She asked. “Oh yeah, it feels damn good.” “How about this?” She had me spread my legs as wide as they could go, then lifted my cock and balls up against my stomach and plunged her tongue as far as she could towards my ass. Suddenly I was glad I had showered earlier after my workout. She licked from my asshole up to my balls then took them into her mouth, sucking, one by one. What a feeling! She again turned her attention to my cock, sucking with reckless abandon and using both hands to jack my shaft. Within minutes I felt myself getting closer and closer to the point of no return. “God that is incredible.” I said. “Baby I am getting close to coming.” She paused for a moment and said, “I want you to cum in my mouth. I want to taste you.” That was all I needed to hear. I leaned back, closing my eyes and she grabbed my balls in one hand, kept jacking with the other and sucked hard on the top three inches of my dick. My breathing got faster as I got closer and soon my whole body stiffened and I let loose my first volley. With that first blast of hot cum her eyes opened wide, but she kept on taking it. I had wave after wave of pleasure and assumed I must be shooting quite a load. After my orgasm was done she continued to suck till I could take it no more and began to squirm in the chair. “How was it?” She asked. “That was the best. My God, you are good.” I panted. She smiled, licked her lips and said, “Yep, I have heard that before.” I stood up, pulling her to her feet and said, “Now, it’s your turn.” I went ahead and released the last two buttons on my dress shirt she was wearing, and helped her out of it. It dropped to the floor and she stood there in all her naked beauty. She was perfect. Obviously her tits were awesome, but the rest of her was tops as well. Being no stranger to the gym her body was tight all over, and she had just enough bubble to her perfectly round ass. I bent down and began kissing her again, working my way from her mouth, down her neck onto her tits. Placing both hands under her arms I lifted her from where she stood, back onto the edge of the desk. I reached behind her and moved a book and some papers and said, “Lean back and enjoy.” She did as I commanded and I went back to kissing. I kissed, sucked and nibbled my way from her breasts to her stomach. Using my hands I lifted her legs up till they were bent at the knee, her feet resting on the desk’s edge. Her pussy was wet, her lips slightly opened, and it was completely shaved except for a tuft of red hair at the top. As I continued to kiss my way closer I inserted one finger into her and she gasped then moaned. This girl was tight. I know it had been a while, and my wife’s pussy was the only one I had ever touched, but I did not remember it ever being this tight. As I fingered her I found her clit with my lips and began to suck. I sucked on her clit then alternated doing that with just running my tongue in circles around it. She continued to moan and I assumed I was doing something right. I removed my finger and inserted my tongue instead. She tasted incredible. Eating pussy had always been one of my favorite things and I was enjoying it again now. I hungrily lapped at her pussy then slipped a finger in her again. Using my pointer finger, and making a “come here” motion, I soon located her g-spot and stroked it firmly. As I did I went back to sucking on her clit. Within moments her breathing intensified and she began to moan louder than before. “Oh my God Dave, I am gonna cum!” She yelled and then the screaming really began. She was certainly more vocal than my wife had ever been. At first I thought it was an act, but then I noticed the splotchy redness that had spread across her tits and I knew it was for real. “Oh yeah baby, suck my clit harder. That’s right. Suck it and fuck my pussy with your finger!” She demanded. I did as she requested and then it hit. She came with a vengeance. I felt her pussy constrict around my finger and she screamed, “Yeah, yeah”, over and over. “Don’t stop! Keep going. Oh yeah….GOD!” Her orgasm seemed to last forever, her moaning and yelling continued. She was enjoying the pleasure and I was very happy to provide it for her. After a few more minutes she finally began to come back down to earth. “Dave, that was fucking awesome! Sorry to cuss like that, but MAN! You have a way with your tongue, that’s for sure!” “I enjoyed it too. You taste great and are so tight.” I looked down at my hardening cock and said, “You think you can take this?” “You’re bigger than anyone I’ve ever had, but I sure as hell want to try.” She said, reaching for it. “Somehow I think it will work.” I replied. “I want to fuck you in the worst way. I’ve wanted to since the night I met you.” “I want to fuck you too Dave, should we go to your room?” She asked. “Nah, turn around and bend over the desk. I want it right here.” I pulled my t-shirt over my head and let it join the other clothes on the floor at our feet. “Mmmm, have I been a bad employee? Does the boss man need to punish me?” She said with a giggle. I laughed, “Just get your ass in the air and get ready for this.” I gripped my hard cock with one hand and turned her around with the other. She bent at the waist over my desk and pressed her tits onto the glossy finish of the mahogany. I stuck two fingers in my mouth to wet them and then rubbed them down the crack of her ass and into her pussy. She was still wet and I could tell that she could indeed take more than one finger. “Mmmm” she moaned. Still holding my cock I guided it between her ass cheeks down to the folds of her sweet pussy. I nudged the head in gently and then slipped another inch and another after that. I stopped when I was half way in. “Feel okay?” I asked. “Yeah, oh yeah it feels damn good. You all the way in?” “Nope, another four inches or so and I will be.” “God, you are so fucking thick!” she said, then proceeded to back herself up onto the rest of my cock. “That’s it baby, now fuck me!” I gripped her waist with both hands and began to slide in and out of her. Slowly at first, but I picked up steam. Her moaning was all the encouragement I needed. Soon I was fucking her hard, my balls slapping at her clit and she was really getting into it. With each thrust in she would be lifted slightly off her feet, and then back again on the out stroke. I reached over and under her and took me a handful of tit. I pinched at her nipple as I did and she loved it. “Yeah pinch my nipples while you fuck me.” She said. “Oh baby, fuck me with that big cock. Oh God, you are fucking me so GOOD! Oh, oh….” Her dirty talk and her moans and sharp screams were enough to get me close so I slowed down a little, not wanting to cum too soon. It had been a while after all. Instead of pounding her I stood still and worked my cock side to side inside of her. She seemed to like that too. Soon she put her hand beneath her and began to play with her clit. I could feel her fingers touching my balls as she played with it and I liked how it felt. After a couple of minutes she said, “Do it hard again lover. I am so close.” I accepted her offer and got back to pounding it hard. I fucked her harder and harder with each thrust and once again the noise started again. “Oh, yeah! Harder! Harder! I’m…gonna….CUM!!!” I took ten or twelve more thrusts then pulled out and shot another big load all over her beautiful back and up to her shoulders. As we both came down from our second orgasms I leaned over her and she turned her head to meet me for a kiss. “That was incredible. Just want I needed.” I said. “I thought you would be a good lay from the night we met, but I never imagined this.” She replied. I picked up my t-shirt from the floor and used it to wipe my cum from her back and shoulders. She stood up and folded herself into my arms. We kissed. “So, where does this leave us? How does this effect things here around the house?” I asked. “Well, as far as I’m concerned the heath insurance you provide isn’t the only benefit to the job.” She said, and we both laughed and started kissing again.

The Nanny, Part 2

2006-02-22T07:19:00.000-06:00

If you missed part one, here is the link. Thanks to all of you for your comments on the first edition. Maybe I'll write more fiction in the future. Here is part two... The Nanny “So tell me what it is exactly that you’re looking for in a nanny.” Big tits and a tight pussy, I thought, but said instead, “Well obviously someone with experience with kids and as well as someone dedicated, who loves their job.” “I am the oldest of three kids and I was thirteen when my sisters were born, so I have practically raised them for years. Also I am a month away from graduation with a degree in early childhood education. I have been babysitting and watching children non stop since I was sixteen. I love kids Dave, and they usually love me.” I watched her as she continued to speak telling me her qualifications and experiences she has had with children but could hardly hear what she was saying. Instead I sat there smiling and nodding at all the right moments, but in my mind I was day dreaming of what she must look like without those clothes. The brief flashes I had been fortunate enough so far to see was just enough to get my fantasy juices flowing. ”So Dave, what do you think? I may only be twenty three, but I do have experience.” I watched as a drop of condensation from the bottom of her beer bottle dropped onto her breasts as she took another swig. Gravity pulled the small drop between the swell of her cleavage and below, beneath her blouse. “Yeah Ann, I would say you do. How about I show you the room I have for the nanny.” “Sounds great!” “Okay, after you.” I said standing and motioning in the direction of the foyer and stairs. I had recently had the fifth bedroom remodeled and decorated for the future nanny. It was tastefully done in pastels and I had added a whirlpool tub in the connecting private bath. Ann’s eyes widened when she saw the room and she crossed her arms tightly beneath her tits. “Oh wow, this is just beautiful!” She said. “I have never had a room so awesome. We never had much money growing up, and my dorm room at school is decorated circa 1970.” “Well, great. I am glad you love it. As you can smell the paint is fresh and I have had the bathroom remodeled too.” “What? I would have my own bathroom?” I pointed towards the closed door and she practically ran across the room to see it. “Oh my God! What a tub!” She giggled like a child and added, “It is big enough for two.” “Yes it is, but you should see the one in my bathroom downstairs, it’s twice this size.” She went back into the bedroom and turned her back to the bed then threw herself down across it. At first I was surprised at her forwardness at making herself so at home, but then all I could concentrate on was her body. She had her arms lifted above her head, stretched to the other side of the bed. Her huge bosom heaved with excitement. Her legs were slightly opened and her skirt had ridden up to within an inch of her crotch. I decided then and there that I was definitely hiring this young and beautiful girl and she would be able to name her price. I fought against my inhibitions and took a seat on the bed next to her out stretched legs. I suddenly had a tremendous urge to run either my hand or tongue, or both, up her leg from her ankle to her pussy. I wondered if all the excitement of the beautiful room had made her wet. God, how I wanted to find out. She sat up next to me on the bed and said. “Dave if you decide to hire me I promise you will not be making a mistake. I will do the best job possible for the boys and,” her eyes drifted down to my bulging crotch, “you.” She shifted herself closer to me on the bed and rested her hand on my thigh, halfway between my knee and package. “I really need this job and I really want to be a part of your family here.” I looked down at her hand laying gently on my leg and felt my cock continue to swell in my jeans. It was obvious to both of us that I was terribly turned on at that moment. There was no mistaking the outline of my hardened dick lying against my thigh, very close to her hand. She continued to look down at my cock for another moment, then looked up into my eyes and smiled. I cleared my throat and stood then said, “Ann, the job is yours. When can you start?” She jumped up from the bed, her tits bouncing and practically leaped into my arms giving me a hug. “Oh, thank you! I can start tomorrow if you’d like. I am so happy, I could just die!” She wrapped her arms further around me and rested her head on my shoulder. Wow, how good she felt. With those enormous boobs pressed into me I took my arms and wrapped them around her as well, placing one hand at her shoulders and the other at the small of her back. We stood like that for nearly a minute, just holding one another and celebrating both our good fortunes. In the weeks that followed everyone in the Martin household settled into routine. The boys simply loved Ann and she them. She took them to school, to their practices, and shopping and I was free to focus on work with very little interruption. Even though she wasn’t required to stay past six o’clock, unless I was out of town, she usually did. She loved her bedroom far too much to sleep anywhere else. We also got to know each other pretty well too. In the evenings, once the boys were in bed, we found that we enjoyed one another’s company and had much in common. To my dismay there were never any more sexual innuendos, but that was okay. She was my employee after all. I had to constantly remind myself, when ever I would see her walk around the house in her short shorts or just a long t-shirt, that I was paying her salary. It surely was hard, I can tell you. Everything was pretty much your typical “boss – employee” relationship till the night of June third. For the past two years the third of June has been a particularly hard day for me. It was my late wife and my anniversary date. In years past I usually found myself closed up in my office, with a bottle of wine and our wedding album. This year was no different. Without saying anything more than good night to my boys, I left them in Ann's care at the dinner table and took my newly opened bottle of wine and closed myself up in my office. I miss my wife very much. Time has made her death easier to deal with, but still there are moments when I have to struggle from breaking down. Special occasions like Mother’s Day, Christmas, her birth date, our anniversary and the anniversary of her death are very hard on me. I try to keep it together for my sons, but when I can’t I typically find myself in the privacy of my office. As I drank my wine I clicked through the many folders of digital pictures I have stored on my computer. Mary was such a beautiful woman, and did so much to make me happy in all aspects of my life. Especially when it came to matters of intimacy. It had been over two years now since I had last made love to a woman, and I missed it in the worse way. Sure I had had ample opportunities to quench my needs and desires, but I never could bring myself to do it. All the approaches made to me by women over the years have done nothing but remind me of what I could have had, if not for the tragic car accident. I suddenly noticed that an hour had passed and my bottle of wine was empty. This is silly, I thought. I am a grown man; I do not need to be sitting here crying like a four year old. Sometimes life sucks and you’re dealt a shitty hand. That’s what has happened to me and I just need to deal with it and get over it. I kept trying to mentally push away my sadness when there was a knock at the door. “Come in” I said, hurriedly wiping away my tears. Ann opened the door and walked in wearing, what appeared to be, nothing but one of my silk dress shirts and carrying a bottle of my favorite pinot grigio. “I thought you might need some more,” She said holding the bottle out to me. I tried to force a smile, but couldn’t help but notice her attire. She looked down at what she was wearing and let out a nervous laugh and said, “Oh, sorry. I was getting your things ready for the cleaners and couldn’t resist putting on one of your shirts. I love the way it feels and smells. You have some killer cologne. I’ll change out of it soon.” “No Ann, that’s quite alright. It looks good on you. My wife used to do the same thing.” That sudden memory hit me hard and I found myself again pushing back tears. Ann noticed and walked over next to me and took a seat on the edge of my desk. “Dave I am so sorry. John mentioned earlier that today would have been you guy’s anniversary. That’s why I thought you could use some more wine. Is there anything else I can do?” She reached out and put her hand on my shoulder as I sat there in my office chair, my back to her and my head in my hands. I couldn’t stop the inevitable, and the tears soon came. For a moment I sat there and silently cried while she continued to rub my shoulder and back. Once I felt like I had composed myself enough I turned my chair around to face her but was not expected to see the terrible look of sadness on her beautiful face. As I watched a single tear poured forth from her eye and traveled down her cheek. “I am acting like a baby. What an idiot.” I said. “No, you have every right to cry and be upset.” She reached out and put her hands over mine and pulled me in towards her. My office chair rolled easily across the hard wood floor and within a second I was sitting before her as she sat on my desk. Her bare knees there right in front of me. She never said a word and never took her sad eyes off of mine as she opened her legs and pulled me between them and closer to her. I leaned into her and she held me as I sat there between her legs with my face, wet with tears, pressed against her perfect breasts. “I just feel so alone.” I said turning my face from the valley of her cleavage. “It can be so hard on me.” “I can’t imagine what you must have gone through Dave, or what you continue to have to deal with. Memories can be so hard to bare. Tonight, if you’d like, you do not have to be alone. I am here for you in anyway you want.” I continued to sit there squeezed between her thighs and resting my head between her breasts with my arms around her waist. It took me a moment to realize what it was she had just said. Once I had, I lifted my head and looked into her eyes. “I want to kiss you.” I said, and she leaned down taking my head in both her hands and gently pressed her lips to mine. As she broke away I grabbed her and pulled her back in for more. I was hungry for her kisses and I soon had her pulled down off my desk, straddling my lap, sitting on me in my chair. Our kisses were passionate and our tongues were eager to explore the other’s mouth. I pulled her into me even tighter and could feel her firm tits pressing against my chest. My cock had hardened and was throbbing in my shorts and I couldn’t help but wonder if she had panties on under my dress shirt. Panties or no, I was sure she could feel me since she was sitting right on top of it. As we continued to kiss I moved my hands down her back and cupped her tight ass with both hands. She lifted herself up a little so I could pull the shirt tail free from where she sat upon it, and I reached under and quickly had bare flesh in my hands. Yep, no panties. As I kneaded her ass she moved her hips front to back in my lap riding the full length of my hard dick, with only the fabric of my tennis shorts and boxers between our two parts. God, it felt so good, but I wanted more. To be continued...

The Nanny, Part 1

2006-02-21T07:36:00.000-06:00

I wrote this story of erotic fiction about eight months ago for Julie to post on the sex blog she used to have. There may be a few of you who've read it before, but it should be new to the majority of you all. I'm going to post it in three parts, so you'll get to read it all this week. I hope you enjoy my first attempt at writing fiction. I know it's not great, but I had fun with it. The Nanny Things have been tough in the years since my wife died. She was my best friend and soul mate. She is the only woman I have ever loved or had sex with. We had been a couple since high school and planned to be together forever. Forever ended on a rainy April morning when she wrecked on her way to work two years ago. She was killed instantly when the car she was driving plunged over an embankment and into a lake below. In one moment I became a widower and single parent. In the time that has passed since, I have learned to deal with my grief and pain, but have struggled with finding care for my two children. My work is such that I get to spend a lot of time working from my home office, but I also have the occasional business trip out of town. Up till recently I relied on the help of my sister-in-law with watching the kids, but that can’t happen any more. Her husband, my brother, has been promoted and they are being transferred out of state. My only hope has been to turn to the Yellow Pages and find myself a full time nanny. Soon I had interviews set up with three different agencies. I scheduled the meetings over the course of two days here at my home. I was encouraged by the quality of women who came seeking employment. There were some highly qualified applicants with very good references. By the middle of the second day I had narrowed the choices down to two that I felt I could welcome into my home and trust with the care of my children. Both were very motherly as well as nearing retirement age. Of course they weren’t much in the beauty department, but it wasn’t their looks I was concerned about. That is until I met Ann. Ann was my last scheduled interview. I almost called and cancelled since I felt I had already found two good choices. In retrospect I certainly am glad I didn’t. Ann couldn’t meet with me till the evening, due to a class she was taking, so I busied myself with getting dinner for the boys then later preparing for their bedtimes. I was upstairs overseeing the teeth brushing detail when I heard the doorbell. I wasn’t expecting the next interview for another half hour, so I immediately thought it must be a neighbor or sales person. I left the kids in the bathroom and jogged downstairs to the front door. I was not prepared for what I found when the door was opened. Standing at my front door was a vision of loveliness. I immediately assumed it was some college student selling magazines or something. My first thought was, I am buying whatever she is selling. I was so stunned I couldn’t speak. Thank God she spoke first and knocked me out of my trance, because I am sure my starring was bordering on being a bit creepy. “Hello you must be Mr. Martin?” “Uh yes, yes I am. Hi.” “I am Ann from the nanny agency. Sorry I’m a little early.” She said, taking her gaze from my eyes down to my midsection. Suddenly it occurred to me that I was standing there at my front door in nothing but a t-shirt and boxer shorts. I looked down and my face flushed with embarrassment. “Oh yeah, I wasn’t expecting you for another half hour. Uh, I was just getting the boys ready for bed. I did plan on wearing pants for the interview.” I said with a nervous laugh. “Why don’t you let me help your sons and you can go get dressed.” She replied while smiling then added, “Of course you could just stay dressed the way you are. I do like a man with nice legs!” She winked at me and looked down again and I realized that not only was I standing there in my underwear, but I was beginning to get an erection as well. This is not good, I thought. This woman is going to think I am definitely a pervert. I put my hand over my crotch, trying to hide my hardening cock, and stepped aside so she could come into the foyer. “Sure, they are in the hall bathroom upstairs. Take a left and it is the first door on the right.” I said pointing up the winding staircase as I closed the front door. “You have a beautiful home Mr. Martin. What are your son’s names?” “John is the older one and Mark is the blonde, and you can call me Dave.” “Well Dave, let me go help the boys and then you and I can get down to business.” She said then began ascending the stairs. I stood there for a second watching her ass sway in her mini skirt and my cock grew even harder. Ann has a beautiful body. At first glance I estimated she was about 5’5” with curves in all the right places. She was wearing a denim mini skirt and low cut top. Her enormous tits were straining against the fabric. Her red hair was shoulder length and framed her beautiful face perfectly. I was amazed that she was working as a nanny. Surely someone this hot could make a ton of money as a stripper. As I walked back to the master suite to get dressed I could hear her talking with the boys. She must have said something funny because they were giggling uncontrollably. Good sign, I thought. I had planned on showering and wearing something nice, but since she was already here I settled for a short sleeve Polo shirt and jeans. As I dressed I thought how awesome it would be to have a chance with a girl like Ann. Surely she would never think of me as anything more than a guy who was closer to middle age than the college years. As I finished dressing I paused a minute to check my appearance in the dresser mirror. Well, I thought, I wasn’t all that bad. For a guy in his mid thirties I had kept myself up fairly well. My frequent workouts had my body in good shape, and I did indeed have nicely built legs as she had pointed out. I ran the brush through my hair and left to join her upstairs with the boys. By the time I got there she had them brushed and in the room they shared reading them their favorite book. They looked up when I entered and said in unison, “Hey Dad.” “We got our teeth brushed.” John said. “I like Ann.” Mark said with a yawn. “Me too!” John added. I smiled and looked down at Ann sitting Indian style on the floor in front of the bunk beds with the book in her hands. I walked around to kiss John on the top bunk then bent down to give Mark one as well. When I did I couldn’t help but notice the partial view up Ann’s short skirt. I wasn’t exactly sure, and it was only a very brief glance, but I could swear she wasn’t wearing any panties. Suddenly I felt myself getting stiff once again. My God, I thought, this isn’t some random booty call. I had to remind myself that this was a business meeting, but another part of me had a mind of its own. “Dave I have things in hand here. If you want I can meet you down stairs in a few minutes.” “Yeah Dad, we want Ann to finish the story!” Mark said. “She sure is pretty.” John added. I noticed Ann blushing and I smiled and said, “Okay guys. Sleep tight!” To Ann I added, “I will be down stairs in the living room when you are done.” She smiled then nodded and went back to reading to my sons. I left their room and headed downstairs, the whole time thinking about how incredibly beautiful this woman was. If I were to hire her how would I ever think of her as a nanny? I was comforted with the fact that, so far, she seemed to be pretty good at the job. Maybe there wasn’t anything wrong with having a nanny that was smoking hot. At least the boys seemed to be taken by her. I know I sure as hell was. I sat down in my recliner to wait for her to join me. Five minutes later I heard her heals on the stairs. She entered the living room and I stood to greet her. “Ann, could I offer you something to drink? I have bottled water, diet Coke or lemonade.” Then I added, “I also have wine and a few bottles of Miller Lite.” I immediately regretted offering her alcohol. What kind of jerk would she think I am? “Mmmm, a beer sounds great, if you don’t mind. I am off duty now, after all.” She said with a grin.” “Sounds good. I think I’ll have one too.” I left her sitting, once again crossed legged, on the couch and walked towards the kitchen. The whole time I was thinking about how incredible it is to have this sexy woman in my home. And to think, she could be living here 24/7! The thought sent my head spinning. I reached into the cabinet and took out two beer glasses. I took a moment and stared out the window over the sink, into the darkness of my back deck and pool, and continued to think about the interview with this lovely girl. I went over the facts in my head. Number one, she seemed to mesh well with the kids. She took control of the situation and got the boys to bed without the slightest complaint from them. Number two; she was probably the best looking woman I had seen in a long time. I did not have delusions that I would be able to seduce her and have her in my bed. After all, things like that only happen in porn. But I could spend day after day enjoying her company and ever so often glancing at her hot trim body. Oh yeah, her hot trim body and those huge firm tits. I could have some fun with those tits. “Dave, you need some help with those beers?” Her words shocked me back into reality. It startled me so that I almost dropped the glasses I was holding. I turned from the window and said, “Oh, sorry Ann. I thought I saw something in the back yard.” Way to lie man, “And I was just trying to see if anything was out there. Would you like a glass or is the bottle okay?” How lame did that sound? “The bottle would be fine. Are they in the fridge?” She walked in the direction of the refrigerator and I said, “Yeah, they should be on the bottom shelf.” I watched as she opened the door and bent over to take two bottles from deep within my over sized fridge. Her short skirt rode up her thighs as she was bent over, and I could almost see the bottom of her ass cheeks. Just another half inch, I thought, and it would be in perfect view. Almost as if she was reading my mind she bent over even more and there it was. As she rummaged around in the bottom of my stainless steel Whirlpool refrigerator her skirt inched its way a little higher and there, in all it’s glory, was the lower part of her ass (definitely with out panties) and as she slightly spread her legs I could see the shaven lips of her pussy. I stood there, mouth ajar, and couldn’t help but stare. Here I was, a man who had lived the life of a monk for the past two years, looking at heaven not four paces away from me. As she reached for the six pack I was rewarded with one last view of her lower lips and ass, and she stood up with beer in hand. “Here they are.” She said while setting the pack on the counter. She removed a bottle, twisted off the cap and then took a drink. I watched as she drank; her throat moving as she swallowed, her hand wrapped around the bottle, her eyes closed. It was practically erotic in the way she consumed the beer. She removed the bottle from her lips with an audible “pop” and let out a long sigh. I immediately thought about the bottle being my cock in her mouth and I was suddenly aware of my hard dick straining against the material of my jeans. “God, I needed that. It’s been one of those days.” She said. “Well, I am glad I could provide you some relief.” I said while trying to shift my hardened member from obvious view. I noticed her watching and immediately changed the subject by saying, “I guess we should go take a seat and talk a little about the job.” “Yes, let’s do that.” She replied. We took our beers and walked back into the living room. Me two steps behind her, watching her ass the whole time. I waited till she was seated on the couch and then I took a seat across from her in my recliner. After a second she shifted her legs and sat Indian style once again. The lighting in the room was perfect and I could not help but take several long glances at her bared pussy. I set the cold beer bottle down between my legs, in hopes it would take some of the swelling away, and prepared to speak. Before I could she spoke up and said, “So tell me what it is exactly that you’re looking for in a nanny.” To be continued…

My Weekend...

2006-02-20T07:26:00.000-06:00

My ex wife is a worthless, good for nothing, dead beat piece of crap. It amazes me that a woman who has given birth to two children could care so much more for herself than she does for her kids. I know there are a lot of y’all who are reading now who may not have been reading this blog over the past year and a half. So it’s a good bet you’re possibly not up to date on the whole crazy situation that is my ex wife. (There is plenty to read in the archives if you’re interested.) She does, on occasion, things that upset me big time. To be honest, just about everything she does is upsetting....I just haven’t written about it in a long while. In the past eight months this woman has had unnecessary surgery twice. A boob job and lap band. She’s even had surgery for her cat; she had it declawed so it wouldn’t tear up her new sofa and piano. She can have this shit done, and buy crap like this...while getting her hair and nails done, and maintain her membership at the gym...but she can’t offer a dollar in child support. Oh, I must be sure to note that she doesn’t work at all. She’s a student. Her Mother supports her financially. She is in nursing school one and a half days a week. What does she do the other five and a half days each week? Well lets see; she goes to therapy, she goes to church (what a joke), she works out and she sleeps. And that’s only the things I know she’s doing. There’s no telling what she’s doing that I don’t know about. All along Susan and I are totally supporting my children with no help from the ex. Put yourself in Susan’s place. Three years ago she didn’t even know my kids existed. Now she’s putting things she likes on the back burner...like pedicures and haircuts, so our combined salaries can pay for things like braces, school lunches, clothes and day care. Meanwhile the ex lives in hog heaven. I thank God I have primary custody of my kids. I would rather be dead that have it be the opposite. I’d just love to wake up one morning and find that my ex was ready to financially begin supporting the children she gave birth to, without me having to take her ass to court. Cause seriously, that’s totally the next step. I just doubt she’ll ever come to the conclusion on her own, and without a judge’s intervention. We’ll just have to see what the future brings... In other news... Susan and I had a nice vacation down to the beach this past weekend. It was pretty much paid for by one of my customers. We had the opportunity to get away to a nice resort in Destin, Florida and live it up for a few days. We had excellent accommodations, good food and drink, entertainment and alone time. I even got to TDA again on Friday night. (It you’re not sure what TDA is, check out this post.) It did turn cold in the Florida panhandle on Saturday morning, but we found ways to stay warm. In other words we did some hella shopping. I got myself the Clark Wallabees I’ve been wanting, and we bought some Crocs for Susan and my daughter T, among other things. It was an all around great weekend. I’ve already made reservations at the resort so we can bring the kids down in April. They’ll love it I’m sure. I’ve stayed there many times. Well that’s about it for this Monday. I’ve got a lot of work to do this week, in addition to heading back out of town. I need to go work in both Huntsville and Mobile, Alabama. I wonder which will get my attention this week? I really should plan this stuff in advance... Have a great Monday!

Queen of Pink here....

2006-02-17T09:00:00.000-06:00

Chuckums asked me to hijack his blog to let all of his legions of admirers know that he is out of town and won't be returning until Sunday night. I'm sure that all of you are thoroughly disappointed that it's just me and not him, but he'll be back soon enough! Y'all have a great day & weekend! QoP

HNT - Truly A Mystery....

2006-02-16T00:06:00.000-06:00

I was shocked and pleasantly surprised yesterday to find in my e-mail inbox a collection of pictures from what appears to be a very lovely lady. It seems she gained inspiration from the terribly scary picture I posted a few Half-Nekkid Thursday’s ago and wanted to bring her impressive assets, and my ugly mug, together for some photographic magic. I must say I was completely flattered! Don’t ask me who she is, I’m just as puzzled as you are. The email address was random and there was nothing to indicate who the beautiful boobage belongs to. There was just a quick message, along with the pictures, giving me permission to use them anyway I’d like. I may use the other pictures she sent in a future HNT post, but they’re completely NSFW so I need to figure out how to go about posting them. Anyway....I hope you all have a wonderful Half-Nekkid Thursday! Oh, and by the way...whoever you are...thanks a bunch! If anyone else would like to join Ms. Anonymous and send me pics, feel free!

Tappin' Dat Azz.....

2006-02-14T17:27:00.000-06:00

As many of you know I have had my fair share of sexual experiences. I’ve done a lot and had a decent amount of partners in my life. I’ve busted my nut in many orifices and on countless boobs, but there is one place I’ve never had the pleasure of ejaculating. That one place my friends would be in the anus, also known as the booty hole (in case you’re not familiar with fancy words). Notice I said “in” and not “on”. I’ve shot a load or two onto a nice booty, just never in......until this past Saturday night.... Before I get into the meat of the story, so to speak, I must provide you with a little background info. I’ve never been with a woman who was interested in allowing me to park my “beef bus” in her “brown garage”. For some reason I could never strike up enough interest in any of my previous partners. Susan has been the same way. We’ve talked and joked about it, but it’s never come to fruition. There was one time, back around Thanksgiving of ‘04, that we tried. We had been partying with Susan’s sister, and her now ex husband, and they mentioned that they occasionally enjoyed a little anal lovin. We had been drinking that night so when we retired to the bedroom we thought we’d give it a try. We relaxed and got nice and lubed and I gently began to insert lil’Chuckie. I got only the head in and Susan freaked the fuck out! She said it was too painful and she just couldn’t go through with it. Over the next year and a half I kinda got used to the idea I’d never be getting any anal. I’d even kinda convinced myself I wasn’t really all that into it. About two weeks Susan again brought up the subject, but when I’d press she’d say something about me being too big, or it hurting too much and the subject would be dropped. Fast forward to last Saturday. I’m standing in the kitchen talking to Julie on the phone. As usual we were just conversing about all you other bloggers out there, and how wonderful you all are....Suddenly I hear Susan say, “Is that Julie? Let me talk to her.” Shocked, I take the phone to my spouse so she could talk to my other wife. Having no idea what Susan wanted to talk to her about I hesitantly handed the phone over. I was shocked and dumbfounded when I heard Susan ask, “So do you like butt sex?” I obviously could only hear one side of the conversation, but it went a little something like this.... “Really? You’re kidding? Hmmm...I see....Does it hurt? You don’t say....okay, thanks...” I took the phone back and continued the conversation feeling just a wee bit on the weird side. After I was done I went back into the living room and Susan informed me that since Julie likes it okay, she’d be willing to give it a try later that night. I must say I was terribly encouraged, but still doubted it would happen. I told her she’d probably want to get her drink on so she’d be really relaxed and she informed me she’ll need more than booze....she was planning on taking a Valium as well. And then, ladies and gentlemen, it happened. Last Saturday night, sometime around eleven, Yours truly lost his anal virginity. At first, when we discovered we were out of lube, I thought the festivities would be called off. Luckily she suggested we try Vaseline. The vaseline worked, but let me just say it cuts down on the sensitivity factor big time. I’m surprised I was even able to come with such a thick layer of that shit spread all over my cock. We started out with her laying on her side and me loosening her up a bit with my fingers. I had one finger in there and she seemed pretty comfy till she said, “Well that ain’t too bad, but of course your dick is bigger than your finger.” I added another finger and continued to loosen her up. Meanwhile I was growing rock hard. It really surprised me that I was getting such a reaction from just fingering her ass. After a while she got up on all fours and I re-lubed us up and slowing began to slip it in. One inch, two, four, six...I continued on slipping it in till I was balls deep. Like I said before, I couldn’t really feel too much thanks to the petroleum jelly wrap enveloping me, but I was able to relish in the tightness. It felt great! She, on the other hand, wasn’t all that sold on it. She was bracing herself with her arms so firmly she really couldn’t get into it much. She did try to rub her clit at one point. Julie had said the orgasms had during anal were the best ever. But she couldn’t focus on rubbin’ her nub when she was so tense. After a good fifteen minutes or so I was able to get up enough rhythm going to get off. It was pretty damn good. I really enjoyed it and I think she might have too. We’ve talked about it again since, and she said it could definitely be something we’d do on special occasions. Well lets see, today is Valentine’s Day....so I’m thinking tonight just might be special enough to get it again!! Maybe she’ll be more relaxed this time... I do hope this wasn’t too TMI for y’all, but if it was I’m sure you’ll get over it! That's just the way I am. ;-) Oh, by the way, I guess I’m back to blogging. I reckon I just needed a little break after all. I hope I haven’t lost too many of you in my absence. Talk to y’all again soon! I hope your Valentine’s Day was ever so romantic!

Ok, all you Chuck fans.......

2006-02-09T11:00:00.000-06:00

I'm sure that most of you are jonesin' for some Chucky lovin', so I thought I would let you know that he hijacked my blog last night in a drunken stupor to post about a lovely little adventure he had yesterday afternoon. I figured it would make all of your days, so click here. Enjoy! QoP

So long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu....

2006-02-06T08:02:00.000-06:00

Well, it’s been a good ride. I’ve been at the blogging thing now for a little over a year and a half, but I have to bring it to an end. I’ve been contemplating this since right after the first of the year and finally I’ve decided to take the step and do what I know needs to be done. My blog has become a dangerous addiction to me. So dangerous that I find it hard to focus on anything else during the day. I’m constantly thinking of ideas to post, writing posts, checking comments, reading other blogs and leaving my thoughts on many of your sites. This takes away from the important things I need to be doing during the hours of 9-5. When I started back in July of ‘04 I never dreamed it would become such a domination of my time. I’m averaging somewhere between 500 and 600 hits a day and knowing I’m being read so much makes it hard for me to turn my attention away. I’m constantly trying to maintain the blog and think of how to create more excitement to keep the readers happy. This has got to end. So I bid you farewell, and it’s very difficult for me. You can’t imagine how difficult. This blog has become, in a weird way, like a child to me. Giving it up is going to be hard. Without it I wouldn’t have made the friends I have. Knowing, and having a relationship with many of you has made my life so much better. But I’m not giving up the friends, only the blog. I’ll still visit and read your blogs, and I hope to have to opportunity to keep in touch with you all via email and instant messenger, when I can. Thank you all for reading and thanks for making the past year and a half of my life something special.

I've Got Nothing Today.....

2006-02-03T07:36:00.000-06:00

It's gonna be a busy day for me so I've got nothing new for you today. Feel free to browse my archives or check out the links on my Blogroll. Thanks for the great comments yesterday! Have a great weekend!

HNT - In Your Face....

2006-02-02T00:18:00.000-06:00

In keeping with last weeks revealing HNT post I thought I'd follow it up with yet another side of me that most of you haven't seen so close up before. Here I am: early in the morning, hung over, blood shot eyes, no shower, unshaven, without my contacts....and not too happy. Pretty scary, huh? Yeah, I thought so. But hey, that's me most mornings! Y'all have a Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!!

The Blow Job - How to make it a work of art....

2006-02-01T07:14:00.000-06:00

There were a couple of posts recently, written by some broad about her feelings and thoughts on the subject of fellatio. You’ve all probably already read the two posts I’m mentioning, but to sum it up she had given what she termed a BBJ (Birthday Blow Job) to her husband, and she pointed out five points she felt were important for both the person giving and the man receiving. She then came back a little later and wrote a follow up post where she lists even more things. I personally thought they were all very educational, but I thought I would expound on them from a man’s point of view. For the men who may be reading I hope this will help you discover some concepts that just might bring you a brighter future with having your knob slobbed. For the ladies, may my words here strengthen your resolve and give you the sudden burst of energy you need to hurry out and lick the pole of the guy nearest you (or closest to your heart...whichever). So, if you’ll indulge me I’ll begin...Sit back, enjoy and feel free to add your thoughts in the comments. By no means is this a comprehensive list. Let me begin by saying I’ve received my fair share of oral sex in my life. I’ve been thinking about it and if I had to put a number to it I’d have to say there have probably been at least sixty-five people, er uh, females who’ve had the honor of having their tonsils tickled by my rod over the past twenty-two years. Some were great and mind blowing, many were just so-so. All in all I cherish each and every experience. I’ll take the good and the bad, because really?....if you’re lucky enough to get one, can it actually be that bad? But there are a few things you can do to make the experience much more memorable. For the Blower:

Worship the cock...and eye contact with it's owner is crucial.

Have a good amount of spit worked up, but mucus is okay if you’ve got a cold.

Humble yourself before the penis....being on your knees is good, or prostrate yourself and let the penis come to you, while you anxiously await it.

Remember there is more than just the mightly beef bayonet; spend some time focusing on the balls and the taint, if the guy is okay with it. I personally love some stimulation of the taintal area.

Use your hands to jack whilst you suck...if there’s enough meat to work with.

Tell him how big Mr. Winkie is, even if it’s not all that impressive.

Sometimes no hands and just bobbing the head is a turn on.

Take it out ever so often and rub it against your lips and cheeks, or between your boobage.

Let him know where you want him to finish up. If you’re willing to swallow I promise he’ll be extra happy.

For the Blowee:

Respect the blower and allow her to set the pace, unless she's wanting to be treated like a dirty whore.

Place your hands on her head, but don’t force your chubby down her throat...she may gag. Caress her face some too, and slip a thumb or finger into her mouth. This satisfies her desire to suck on two things at once.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. No one likes a stinky sweaty knob. Be sure the balls and taint are fresh too. If you’ve taken a dump since your last shower these areas most likely smell like ass.

One word...Manscape. The tree looks bigger when you trim the grass around the trunk. Short trimmed pubes are a plus, she’ll like it better. Also, and I can’t express enough, shave the boys. A nicely shorn scrotum is a turn on. She’ll like it, and after a while you will too. If you need more info on this subject you can check out the first paragraph of this post.
Tell her how beautiful she is, and how hot she looks sucking your tool.

Wait for her to tell you where and how to bust your nut. She may not like surprises. It’s best to check with her first.

And finally....thank her.

My Weekend: Beer, new cell phones, dumb movies and wild sex...

2006-01-31T07:33:00.000-06:00

I did some beer drinking this past weekend. I like to think of myself as a beer snob but really I’m not. I’m more of the Miller Lite kind of beer drinker, but I did treat myself to a bit of a tour of American Micro Brewers on Saturday. We went to World Market to look around a bit. I was hoping to find some of that yummy (did I just write yummy?) Kokanee beer I enjoyed so much of when I was up in Canadia, but alas it was not to be found. Instead I found a 10 pack of different beers from all around the U.S. I bought it, took em home and let em chill. Later that evening I took my “beer tour” and got a bit on the tipsy side. Usually I can drink an eighteen pack without getting a buzz, but some of those babies had a little more alcohol content than my usual brand. Plus, with the diet, I’m not eating as much these days. Woooo eeee did I get my drink on!! I enjoyed all of them except the chili beer. It actually had a chili pepper in it. Yeah, it was a little on the hot side. I started with these... And finished up with the rest. In my inebriated state I must have thrown out the last bottle, even though I’d intended on saving it for the picture. I also developed an extreme case of jealousy this weekend. Susan had been needing a new cell phone and to convert over from the old AT&T cell service to Cingular, where she gets a corporate discount thanks to her job. We bought her the black Razr phone. That baby is tough. She also got a better bluetooth cordless ear thingy than I have. Mine’s only got two hours of talk time and her’s has eight. I am giving myself two weeks tops till I get a Razr phone for myself. Yeah, I’ll have one....you doubt me? We also got my daughter a cell phone, they threw it in free with the rest of the purchase. I'm not a real believer in a twelve year old having a cell phone, but since it was free and the plan only went up $10 a month...what the hell. It sure made her day. The total highlight of my weekend had to have been Sunday night. Susan made us all, as a family, watch Auntie Mame. Boy howdy, it sure was exciting let me tell you. I was counting the minutes till the damn thing was over. I’m sure it was a hit in 1958, but now a days? Not so much. I did get me some hot kinky monkey sex Friday night. Susan saw my HNT pic from last week, and the comments (surely not the picture itself) must have turned her on. She practically raped my ass. (For the record, when I say “raped my ass” I don’t mean she actually inserted anything in there. Okay?) Yeah, something about other people's appreciation of her man really got her juices flowing. Hell, if I can get more comments like that I just may have to get even more daring in my future picture posts! It sure paid off for me this time. I may be heading up to Chattanooga for work later today, so if I’m not around much over the next couple days you’ll know why. Later!

Slipped the Surly Bonds of Earth...

2006-01-28T08:00:00.000-06:00

Brad, one of my best friends, called me the night before. “Hey man, my parents are out of town the next couple days. I’m staying home “sick” tomorrow, why don’t you skip school and come hang out with me and Rick.” It was a tempting offer, but I wasn’t in the habit of skipping school. As a matter of fact it wasn’t my habit of doing any real delinquent activities. I had a scholarship to work towards and I was one more year from graduation. “Brad I’m not sure. I don’t want to get my ass caught again.” “Man don’t worry about it. Nobody will know.” I thought about it for a few seconds and said, “I think I’m gonna go to school. How about I come over right after school and hang out with you guys?” “I have a better idea” he said, “why don’t you call Tricia and get her to skip too and both of y’all come on over here and hang out. We’ve got seven beers and four wine coolers.” He was certainly tempting. A chance to hang out all day with my new girlfriend, and drink some booze....I couldn’t imagine it getting any better than that. “I’ll have some condoms laying out where you can find them, and you can use my room for as long as you want.” He said, sweetening the offer. Condoms...obviously that meant full blown sex. Something Brad had already done with his ex girlfriend and something I had yet to have taken part in, though I hadn’t exactly confessed to. It was exciting and tempting... “Okay, I’ll give her a call. Listen, my Dad needs to use the phone, so I doubt I’ll be able to call you again. If I’m gonna be there I’ll show up around eight or so. If not, I’ll see you after school.” The next morning I picked up Tricia in the Senior/Junior parking lot at our High School and together we drove to Brad’s house. In no time we were drinking beer and wine coolers and watching The Price Is Right. We were laying together on the couch while Brad and his step brother Rick were sitting in the two recliners on the other side of the room. We began to kiss while we lay there, and soon the heavy petting began. Brad cleared his throat to get my attention. “Chuck, why don’t you take Tricia and show her some of my cassette tape collection in my room.” He said with a grin. We got up from the couch, still kissing, and walked out of the living room, down the hall to the last door on the left. Tricia sat down on Brad’s bed and said, “Lock the door, okay?” I turned to push the lock button in and turned back to see her holding up one of the condoms he had laying on his night stand. “Come here.” I followed her advice and joined her on the bed. We kissed and our hands wandered. Within minutes I had her skirt up around her waist and her panties down. I removed my shirt, jeans and underwear and began rubbing my rock hard cock through her abundant pubic hair and against her flat stomach. She removed her hands from around my neck and again presented the condom to me. I fumbled with the wrapper, but eventually figured it out. She helped me roll it down my dick and I unceremoniously plunged it into her. My GOD what a feeling! I was having sex! I was actually screwing for the first time. We kissed as we fucked. We began to get a rhythm going. It felt so good. I began to feel like I was getting that same feeling I got when I masturbated. I knew what was going to happen next.....then, we heard the doorbell ring. Oh shit! Brad’s parents were home early! It never occurred to me that his Dad and Step-Mom wouldn’t worry about ringing the doorbell. Tricia and I scrambled to get our clothes back on. I left her in the room and walked back down the hall to the living room, zipping my pants as I went. “Really? You’re kidding me.” I heard Brad say as I entered the living room. He was standing at the front door talking to the mail man who was delivering a package, too big to fit in the mail box. “It’s all over the t.v. It happened a little while ago.” The mail man said. “What’s going on?” I asked. Brad shut the door just as his step-brother was turning the television back on. “The mail man just said that the Space Shuttle blew up.” “You’re kidding me.” Was my response. We spend a good part of the rest of the school day, glued to the events on the television....Me, Brad, Rick and Tricia. Twenty years ago today I lost my virginity and our country suffered a terrible loss. Do you remember where you were when you heard the news? "The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for the journey and waved goodbye and "slipped the surly bonds of earth" to "touch the face of God." President Reagan, January 28, 1986

You did what?

2006-01-27T19:38:00.000-06:00

Can I just say how much I’m hating this show Dancing With The Stars? Susan’s got herself hooked on it and we’ve been watching it every week. Of course it’s not on just one night, but two. There is the hour long dancing show on Thursday nights, then the lame ass “kick off” episode on Friday. What joy.....If she decides she wants us to take ball room dancing lessons I’m divorcing her. Anyway, now that I have that off my chest, let me get on with this post. First let me just say I had intended on not posting much this week. I’ve been real busy with work, and y’all know I’m trying to spend less time in the Blogosphere. Well the whole queef episode happened Monday night and it’s been all down hill from there. Then there was Half-Nekkid Thursday yesterday and I just had to put my two cents worth in. Thanks for all the comments, by the way. Remember, the Internet adds 15 pounds...and objects appear larger than in real life. Okay, to round out this week of posting I require some input from you all. Thanks to the queefing incident I’ve been wondering about embarrassing sexual experiences. I know it’s been asked before on countless blogs, but I’ve never asked.....so, tell me about your most embarrassing happening betwixt the sheets, or in the backseat, or on the dining room table, etc. We’ve all got one, so come on and entertain us!! I hope you all have an awesome weekend!

HNT - My Goodies...

2006-01-26T00:05:00.000-06:00

How much wood could a wood Chuck chuck? Well it's been a few weeks since I last participated in Half-Nekkid Thursday, so I thought I'd come back with a bang. Okay, well maybe not a bang exactly, but a never before seen side of The Chuckster, to say the least. That's got to count for something, right? I took this pic a couple days ago. I was a little on the "happy" side...I'd just been imformed I was gonna get me some more good loving. It turned out to be a great night. Believe it or not, I was able to rise, even more, to the occassion! Happy HNT to you all!

To Queef or not to Queef....

2006-01-25T07:23:00.000-06:00

Wow thanks to all your comments yesterday, I've learned quite a bit about Queefing over the past 24 hours. I can't thank you enough. I especially appreciated the link Ed left in my comments. Click on it and check out number three. It's so fitting and informative, especially for those queefers down here in the deep South. His help here just intensifies the importance of the UK/USA alliance. I'm thinking George and Tony could grow even closer, and crush terrorism, if only they understood the importance of queefing...Do you think Laura and Cherie ever experience such vaginal melody? Knowing the importance of their husbands, I sure hope they do. For the record, and to answer several of your comments, I've f**ked my way through my fair share of queefing in the past....it's just been a while. Therefore it took me a bit by surprise. It should also be noted I hold both national leaders, and their wives, in the highest of regards. No need to send out the Secret Service! Y'all have a wonderful Wednesday!!

The Vagina Monologues....

2006-01-24T07:31:00.000-06:00

I have a question for you ladies. Men feel free to put your two cents worth in as well.... Last night the wife and I had sex. It wasn’t average sex, it was GREAT sex. We started out with me laying back and her hands and mouth doing their magic. Exploring the freshly shaved wonder that is my genitalia. Once things had hardened properly she climbed on top and did the “rodeo bull ride” for a good ten minutes. Then she slowed down, came to a stop, and asked me if I’d take her from behind. I told her I’d be happy to oblige and she climbed off and got on all fours; positioning herself, and ready for a spearing. I quickly got down to business. She was so wet and I was hella hard. It was pure poetry in motion. After six or seven minutes I decided I wanted to put on a condom so I could get the feeling of depositing my payload in the hanger. I pulled out, rolled down the rain coat, then went back to the business at hand. I pounded her for a good time. I did stop once and pull out, just long enough to let the motor idle for just a second or two. I dove back in with a vengeance. A few minutes later found the both of us coming just like the US Mail. Wow, it was awesome! Once the waves of pleasure had passed I pulled out and began taking off the rubber. As I was doing so she got up out of bed, to go pee, and that’s when it happened. She ripped a big one. Even though it was pitch black in our room she must have sensed my shock and dismay. The shock was because it was like a record breaking fart. The dismay was due to my embarrassment that she did it at all. When I gasped she heard me and said, “That wasn’t a fart. That was air from my vagina. (Yeah, she actually used the word “vagina”...how weird is that?) Sorry baby, all that pounding must’ve done it. But it sure was good though, right?” “Right...” What my wife had was a “cooter pooter.” There is a proper word for it, and it begins with a Q or K, I think, but I can’t figure out how to spell it now. Anyway, her coochie was making some serious noise for couple of seconds. So now for my question....Is this normal? Do other women have this happen when they’re getting it hard from behind? I know all the displaced air has to release itself some way, but is this the norm? Yeah, she’ll kick my ass when/if she reads this. Edit: Yeah, the word I was looking for was Queef. Thanks Julie! I have experienced it before, it had just been a while.

Excitement From My Weekend and a Year and a Half of Blogging....

2006-01-23T07:21:00.000-06:00

I took care of some business this weekend that I’ve needed to do for a while now. I manscaped. It had been a month or so, and just let me say the bush was woolly. The yard had been needing trimming and it was starting to sprout some weeds. The grass was totally growing up the tree trunk. I replaced the batteries in my Micro Touch shaver, locked myself in the bathroom and went to town. Good lord, with fresh batteries that little thing was humming like a weed eater! If you don’t already have one I highly recommend it. They’re perfect for other things besides pubes...check out the link...ten bucks at Wal-Mart. Anyway, I stood before the mirror in our bathroom and within five minutes or so I had a decent sized pile of hair in the sink. A couple minutes later I was done....with the trimming. I still had the boys to take care of. Like many men these days, I prefer a fully shorn nut hammock. My wife happen’s to like it as well. I lathered those babies up and pulled out my Gillette M3 Power Nitro. This is like the best razor ever. It works great on the face and just as good on the boys. Well worth the meager investment, in my opinion. Later that day my wife and I both enjoyed all the effort I put forth, but I shan’t go into all that now. Surely you’ve heard enough. My kids were with their Mother this weekend so on Sunday I picked up my daughter around noonish and took her on one of our “Father and Daughter Movie Dates.” We went to see The New World, the recent Colin Farrell flick, and let me just say now....save your money and wait for it on DVD. Actually it might not even be worth paying to see it when it comes out on DVD. This movie was one of the most boring flicks I have ever seen. I’d rather sit through a movie on the Lifetime Network than have wasted those two and a half hours. I’m a huge history nut, especially pre-Colonial American history, and I was convinced I would really get into this move. Unfortunately I was totally wrong! Colin Farrell should stick to homemade porn movies. He definitely put more into screwing his ex girlfriend than he did to this movie. Yeah in case you were wondering, I was one of the lucky few who was able to download the homemade porn movie before Colin's attorneys put a stop to the websites who had it listed. Ain’t I a fortunate one? Over all my weekend was pretty good. Yesterday I made a pot of collard greens and grilled some chicken. I was even surprised when my son ate four or five bites of his greens. It’s exciting to see him eating more vegetables. Especially ones who aid in this digestive/pooping. We watched The March of the Penguins last night while we ate and enjoyed another FFD. Check out last Tuesday’s post if FFD doesn’t ring a bell. Today, a year and a half ago, I took my first step into the blogosphere. I honestly can't believe I've been at it this long. Some things are truly amazing. Well, I suppose this is about it for today. I have a busy week with work, but I’ll try to get another post in soon. It may be a day or two till you hear from me, so try to keep your tears to a minimum. Meanwhile have a super week!!

A Hard-On at the Hair Salon....

2006-01-19T17:29:00.000-06:00

I went and got a haircut today. You may remember the last time I got one, I wrote about it here on my blog. I go to a place called Sport Clips. In case you aren’t familiar with the chain I’ll fill you in on the layout of the place. The entire salon looks somewhat like a athletic locker room. There is a big screen television out front to watch while you wait, and there are also smaller t.v.s built into the lockers at each hair cutting station. You can watch whatever is on ESPN the whole time you’re there. The place is also decorated with athletic paraphernalia. Here the main decor is Alabama and Auburn, but there is some other SEC school stuff as well. For $20 bucks you get a cut, then a head massage while your hair’s being washed. After the wash a hot towel is wrapped around your face and you’re given a face massage. It’s all topped off with a neck and back massage given once you return to the chair. They then add gel, brush or comb your hair, and you’re done. I had the same stylist today as last time, and again it was an arousing experience. How ‘bout I share it with you, m’kay? The women that work there are all fairly attractive. They wear some kind of referee uniform outfit, and they’re all super friendly. My girl today actually remembered me from the last time, and we made small talk while she cut my hair. As she was finishing up she asked if I wanted the “special treatment” and I assured her I did indeed. She led me to the back, or the “showers” as the sign says, but unlike during my last visit she removed the smock thing I had on during the cut. I sat down and leaned my head back into the sink and got comfy. Once the water was warm enough she began wetting my hair, applying the shampoo and started rubbing. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the massage. Several times during the massage she would let out a low kind of moan, almost sexual, like she was really getting into her job. As before, half way through, she asked, “Feel good baby?” Why yes ma’am it sho nuf do! It was at some point during all this I came to realize I was getting a massive erection. Again, it surprised me. Seriously folks, I’m not sixteen anymore, nor am I twenty-one even. I don’t sprout wood every time the wind blows like I did in my younger days. So getting a hard on, especially one this stout was a bit of a shocker. But I didn’t let it bother me. I continued to lay back and get my massage. Once that was done she placed the hot towel over my face and then bent down and began firmly rubbing my entire face. Because she had to lean over further, her breasts found themselves rubbing against the back of my head, and even touching my forehead on occasion. Knowing this was happening caused me to get even harder, if you can believe it. That’s when it hit me....I wasn’t wearing the damn smock thing and my erection was most likely quite visible. Since my face was covered with the towel, and it wasn’t possible to look down and check, I let my fingers be my eyes and moved my hands from where they were crossed across my chest and onto my lap. There snaking down the inside of my left thigh was lil’Chuck, straining against the material of my black jeans. It was a good thing they were a looser thanks to the weight loss, but still they weren’t loose enough. For the remainder of the massage I kept my hand over my bulge and tried to think of something else. When we were done, and she was leading me back to the chair, she smiled and asked, “Did you enjoy that? I, blushing, assured her I had, then she added, “Yep, I sure could tell!” Oh God, how embarrassing! Yeah, maybe I should start going back to the barbershop I used to go to with the old man barber. When I got home I was happy to see Susan’s car parked in the garage. Perhaps my intense horniness would get some relief in the form of a little afternoon delight. When I walked in and hugged and kissed her, squeezing her ass a little in the process, she said those four words that ruined the mood. “I got my period.” Great........

Mein Kampf....

2006-01-17T07:22:00.000-06:00

I’ve been struggling lately, and I had to take a few days hiatus from the blogosphere. I guess I owe you all an explanation. So, let me begin... I have a very addictive personality. Throughout my life I’ve put my all into whatever was of interest to me. When I was a kid I would live and breath whatever the interest du jour was at any particular time. Whether it was Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica or Little House on the Prairie I didn’t know how to turn my interest off. I could never be into more than one at a time, I had to devote all my attention to the subject at hand. Things haven’t changed too much as an adult. Next Monday I will have been maintaining a blog for a year and a half. During the past eighteen months my blog has ruled much of my waking time. There have been occasions where I’ve put other things in my life on hold, just so I could write here, or read other blogs. When I get up in the morning the first thing I do is check my blog, post and read comments. Throughout the day I check back regularly to see what all is going on around this neighborhood of blogs of which I am a part of. It is almost like the blog rules me instead of the other way around. I’m tired of it. No, not just tired but sick....I can’t continue to go on like this. This blog should be a good ways down on the list of what’s important in my life. It doesn’t give me the kind of joy spending time with my kids can bring. It certainly doesn’t pay me a salary, and that is necessary to function in life. Equally important, it doesn’t provide the kind of sexual release spending time with my wife can give. So why keep it? I don’t know, but it’s a question I need to find an answer to. (By the way, wives are good for other stuff besides sex. I just wanted to check and see if I had your attention....yeah, right...) So what to do....As of last Thursday I had intended to write a heartfelt goodbye post, but now I’m not so sure. While this blog shouldn’t hold the amount of importance as it does, it’s still like a kid of mine. It would be hard to let it go completely. I’m reminded, around this time of MLK, Jr. Day, of that scene from Roots where the children are being torn from the arms of their slave Mother to be taken away and sold to another owner. While ending my blog is certainly not as dramatic as that, it’s still hard. To be honest I do get a fair amount of enjoyment from maintaining a blog. I’ve made great friends and learned a lot. I’ve grown as a person too, with semi talents I never thought I could have. Writing is one of these. Looking back at earlier posts I think it’s somewhat evident that I’ve grown in skill. Yeah, I’m sure there are many of you now who would dispute that last statement! Still, this blog has brought me pleasure. Then again, the drug addict may say the same thing about their next shot of heroin. So I guess I’ll keep it for now. Sometime over the past weekend I decided that I wasn’t quite ready to give it up. Instead of giving it up I’m going to give myself some time and see if I can’t train myself not to focus so much effort into it, as well as other blogs. If I’m successful then you’ll be able to continue to see the usual four or five posts a week. If not, then I guess you’ll see that goodbye post in the future. One way or the other I’ll succeed in strengthening my focus in those areas that are more important. It’s a win-win situation for sure. I hope you’ll all agree. In other news I’ve lost thirteen pounds over the past eight days. My diet is going well with only the rare moment of cheating over the weekend. On Sunday we had what I like to call a Family Fun Day, of FFD for short. This particular FFD found the four of us having a nice lunch out then going bowling. My five year old son was particularly excited about it saying, “I’ve never bowled in my whole life.” Then somewhere during the seventh frame everyone was bored but me. The boy was whining about his bowling shoes hurting his feet, my daughter was mad because she kept getting gutter balls and Susan was pissed over the Indy/Pittsburg game. Seeing as the FFD was not so fun, my feelings became hurt and I got all grumpy. I ended up getting them all dipped cones from Dairy Queen on the way home, and everyone’s mood brightened after that. When we got home Susan asked if I’d mind if she took a little nap, and I said no just as long as I could get a blow job later. She promised she’d give me one, but never followed through. So much for my FFD. Well, I hope you’re all having a good week. I’ll stick around and I’ll be talking to you all again soon.

2006-01-12T09:40:00.000-06:00

I'm going on...

for a while.

Be back soon....

Reporting Live from the Food Show...

2006-01-11T13:28:00.000-06:00

Modern technology is wonderful. Thanks to this wireless internet connection here where the Food Show is being held I can take time between customers to work on this post, check my gmail and read some blogs. I’m glad of that, let me tell you…this has been a LONG day and there is still three and a half hours to go. I’ve been standing here in this booth since 8 o’clock this morning. Yeah, my dogs are barking big time. Food Shows can be fun though. If you haven’t been to one, allow me to paint you a picture. Imagine a large convention center sized room filled with every kind of foodservice product imaginable. Most booths have their perspective company’s food cooked, displayed and ready to sample. Within fifty steps of me there is a virtual smorgasbord of tasty temptations. There is prime rib, ham and turkey sitting on cutting boards, under lights, sliced and ready to eat. There is seafood, every type…fried, grilled, you name it. To my right there’s a table with steam table pans full of ten kinds of hearty soups. There are biscuits, gravy, sausage and bacon. Down on the left is the desert section…my God at the choices there; cakes, cookies, pies, exotic looking concoctions, ice cream…it’s a little slice of heaven, right here in Alabama. Unfortunately for those of us on the low carb diet there are few choices, but rest assured I haven’t gone hungry. I’ve torn into my share of the prime rib and naked chicken wings! Oh yeah, I don’t think I’ve mentioned until now that the Chuckster’s finally gotten his ass in gear and resolved to drop the fourth quarter weight gain. I’ve been terribly lazy over the past four months or so and sucked down one too many pizzas. The diet is working though, since Monday I’ve lost ten pounds. Now I need to get back into some kind of workout routine. Over all this Show has been pretty good. It’s been fairly busy, which certainly helps the time fly. I’ve been working on this post for a little over an hour now, between talking with customers and checking voice mail. But I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t ready to go. Yeah, it’s great talking to people, and selling them my products is a rush, but standing on my feet for ten hours….nah, not so fun. Three more hours to go….

2006-01-10T07:50:00.000-06:00

Work is kicking my ass, and I'm fixing to go out of town, but I wanted to leave you with a special video. This clip magically appeared in my inbox today from someone who knows me so well. Seriously, I could have written this....or at the least I could have starred in it. It's almost like it's been taken from certain events in my life.

Click here for the video. (possibly not safe for work)

Okay, that's it....have a nice Tuesday.

Big Bag of Blah...

2006-01-09T07:55:00.000-06:00

Howdy folks....it’s Monday, how about that? I feel like a big bowl of steaming brontosaurus crap today. It’s not that I’m under the weather or anything. I guess it’s a mental thing. I came to a sudden revelation this morning and it’s kinda slapped me across the face. I have much to do to remedy this condition I find myself in, but I’ll do it. It just won’t be easy, but nothing worth while really is. Sorry I’m being so vague, but maybe I’ll fill you all in sometime soon. Anyway, how was your weekend? Mine was so-so. I drove home from Tennessee Saturday morning and proceeded to catch up on all the tivod television I had missed over the previous few days. Yesterday I had a pretty nice time doing all kinds of fun stuff with my kids. I’ve only seen them like two or three days since Christmas day. It was nice having a whole day to catch up and hang out with them. I’m glad to have them back home, and into their normal routine again. They’ve spent entirely too much time under the careless thumb of their Mother. I’ve got another busy week of work ahead of me. Tuesday and Wednesday I’ll be out of town again slaving at one of those food shows I just love so much, (yeah, that’s sarcasm...), so I might be a bit absent here on my site and around the blogosphere for the next few days. I promise to get back into the “blogging swing of things” soon. I just hope I’ll have something worth while to write about when I do. In the mean time go spend some time reading the, not always pithy but frequently entertaining, posts of many of my friends from my sidebar. I found this particular post to be very informative. Talk to you soon...

A Post From The Road...

2006-01-06T10:11:00.000-06:00

HNT - Sleeping Beauty...

2006-01-05T06:19:00.000-06:00

I've been more busy than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest all week. This afternoon I head out of town to Knoxville, Tennessee on business. I haven't had a chance to take a new Half-Nekkid Thursday picture, so I thought I'd use this pic I took of my wife in bed when we were at The Banff Springs Hotel up yonder there in Canadia. I of course received her permission to post it. You may remember this is the same hotel bed where I had the ghostly experience while we were having sex. I probably won't be back around here till Monday, so y'all have a wonderful weekend and a HHNT!! At least one UT kicked some ass this season....What a Rose Bowl!! Way to go Texas!!! National Champs!

This I Swear...

2006-01-04T19:36:00.000-06:00

I have mentioned several times that since Christmas Day I've been having some really weird ass dreams. Folks, they've continued...I just haven’t mentioned them in the last couple posts. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Two nights ago I had a dream where I was being chased by John Malkovich who wanted to murder me. Night before last I was the general manager of The Overlook Hotel (you know, from The Shining). I had a crew of hot sexy maids working for me who would leave me comments via a hand written message box system every night after their shifts were over. They were hot! You should have seen their uniforms. Anyway...enough about that dream. Last night was certainly the most over the top and realistic dream I’ve had in a while. The subjects of the dream were a couple I’ve never met, but feel like I know all too well. Due in part mostly because of their MTV reality show. In my dream my good friend, Nick Lachey, enlisted my help in getting he and his estranged wife Jessica Simpson back together. Yes, it’s true... Take a moment and click here on this video link. It’s such a moving and beautiful love song sung by my good friend Nick. Go ahead, I’ll wait... Nick Lachey - This I Swear See, isn't it great? Never a more perfect anthem celebrating love and commitment has ever been written or performed. So, in the dream I’m hanging out with Nick at his house watching an Ohio State football game and drinking Miller Lite. During each commercial I’m trying to get him to forget his failed marriage and go with me to a strip club where he can spend his money on me having a few lap dances. Unfortunately all he can talk about is Jessica. He refuses to listen to reason. Then somewhere early in the fourth quarter he finally seems to understand what it is I’m saying; simply put...lap dances are important. We go to this real swanky gentleman’s club somewhere in L.A. and sit near the stage, while continuing to drink Miller Lite. At one point Nick gets up to go take a piss, and get more money from the ATM, and I happen to notice a sexy blond working her way through the crowd of men. As she gets closer I realize that it’s Jessica Simpson. I remember being amazed that I was seeing the Jessica Simpson Lachey walking through the collection of men, wearing only a lace bra, thong and "boots made for walking". She comes over to where I’m sitting and takes the seat Nick had left a few moments before. She looks me over and says, “Hey Stud, would you like a private dance?” I look her up and down and say something like, “Personally I would like nothing better, but I have a good friend who’d like one much more.” The next thing I can remember was the two of them connecting eye to eye across the room and then disappearing into the “private dance” area of the club. I recall sitting there, knowing they were re-hooking up, and watching Melissa Gilbert (yeah, I know...totally weird) dance on stage. At this point I woke up and went to take a piss myself. Once finished I quickly got back under the sheet and comforter and rejoined my dream, already in progress. The last thing I dreamt, before I awoke for the day, was me singing at their rededication ceremony. What did I belt forth with the gusto of 20 Grammy winners? This I Swear, by Nick Lachey. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place. I’m so ready for these freaky dreams to be over!

Good Luck for a New Year....

2006-01-03T07:28:00.000-06:00

I thought I’d get a first post of the new year up and in the books, then get my butt to work. As many of you know I’ve been off for quite a few days now and I need to get busy catching up, but that can wait a few more minutes. On New Years Day I made, for the first time, a traditional Southern meal. I’m not sure about those of you outside of the South, but down here you’re supposed to eat black eye peas on the first day of the year (the food, not the band). I’d always known they were supposed to bring you good luck, but while talking to Snagley on Saturday I learned something else. According to Snag you’ll get a dollar of income for every pea you eat. Well if that’s truly the case then I should end up making a little over $500,000 this year! It’s true...my gut and toilet can confirm. Seriously though, I went all out. Not being a big fan of the black eye pea I resolved to make them a little different. I won’t go into details, but needless to say they were quite good. I made more of a soup with ham, tomato and onion. Of course I had to make collard greens, and let me tell you....holy crap they were good. Then there was the corn bread. I should really consider opening a Soul Food restaurant somewhere. I think I could have people lining up outside the door if I did! But enough bragging.... The past few days have been pretty uneventful around here. Susan has been under the weather, so we’ve pretty much just sat around watching televison and movies. Yesterday we took down the Christmas tree and stashed everything back up in the attic. I have never kept a tree up this long in all my adult life. It had been a fixture in our livingroom since like November 20th, and it was time for it to go. Now I’ll have to get used to that empty spot in the corner. Trooper has already reclaimed it for the spot where his big doggie pillow goes, so it won’t take too long to get used to the emptiness. I know this is usually the time where folks make their resolutions for the new year. I am making some, in case you were wondering, I’m just not going to list them here. That way if I fail I won’t have to worry about the accountability thing! But in all honesty there are several things I intend on changing...things for the better. I’ll fill you all in once the changes have become habits. I promise they’ll make for a better Chuckster! Have a good day!

Hello 2006, Goodbye 2005....

2005-12-31T11:25:00.000-06:00

It’s the last day of 2005 or, depending on when you’re reading this, it’s the first day or so of 2006. A fresh new year. A new beginning...a time to start over, in a way. All the ups and downs of the past twelve months are in the books and now it’s time to strike out and make new things happen. As I look back over the past year I can’t help but think of all the events that have occurred in my life. It’s late on Saturday morning and, as usual, I’m sitting here alone and bored, so I thought I’d take advantage of the time and write about some of my own personal “ups and downs” as well as some that may have effected all of you. Blogging On the ups side, I returned to Blogger from a few months with my own domain. I’ve found it’s much easier for someone of my limited computer knowledge to use. I have also influenced at least one person I know to start up his own blog. In the almost a year he’s been blogging he’s gathered a nice following and turned out some good stuff. I’ve had the opportunity to personally meet with four bloggers, and have gotten to know many others via the phone, chat or e-mail. Another up would have to be Half-Nekkid Thursday (HNT) which I’ve become a big part of over the past six months. Osbasso created a real gem, and it’s created it’s own community of folks linked in yet a different way. There is only one real down I can think of, besides the fact I spend way too much time writing or reading blogs, and that would be the whole “comment word verification” thing. What a pain in the ass! If you can’t deal with an occasional spam comment that can easily be deleted, why not just get Haloscan? It’s free and oh so easy to use. At first I balked at leaving comments where I would have to type in a series of letters in order to post, but eventually I gave in. Still I will really consider whether it’s worth it, especially when it’s HNT. Friends The up side to this area is that this has been a year of great friendships for me. I’ve made friends with many people around the world thanks to this medium we know as the Blogosphere. A nice hand full of these people have become more than friends (and less than lovers...sorry I couldn’t resist), they’ve really become folks I can’t see doing without. Best friends I could say. Who would have thought I’d find my BFF via words on a 17" monitor? Wait a second...I almost forgot, I did find my wife via the Internet.......oh, my bad. The down side here would have to be not getting to hang with and get to know these people in person. I do hope to remedy that soon though. Look forward to an upcoming announcement in the weeks to come... National and World news Obviously this has been a bad year when it comes to disaster. Whether it be man made or acts of nature, it’s been a rough one. Although I could fill several pages on this subject I’ll just stick with one...Hurricanes. This past hurricane season was a bitch, and nothing was worse when it came to damage and loss of life than Katrina. As do many of you, I live within a short driving radius of the effected areas and it effected me (lost business), but no where near as bad as those who were actually along the coast at ground zero. The lives lost and the property damage was unthinkable in itself, but then there was the finger pointing, blame game and playing the racial card. Many folks were blamed, and some even accepted the blame (even though it wasn’t their fought). When in reality those who should have been most ashamed got away with hardly a slap on the wrist. There was a lot of ugliness during this time, the destruction aside, and a lot of stupid things were said (uh, hello...Kanye). I guess the only up side to all of this that I can see would have to be the giving spirit of the American people and our friends around the world. We pitched in, dug into our wallets, and gave more than we though we could. It truly was an amazing thing to see. Hopefully we won’t have to experience anything like it again. My Personal Life A lot of good happened to me this year. It was a good year for me, my wife and my kids. The previous year was one of stress and accusation for my wife and I. In ‘05 we settled into a calmness, although it was cool and lacking passion. After going through one divorce I can never imagine experiencing another. So I am content and happy to go through life in a perpetual state of living like room mates. Yes folks, that is an up as I see it. My daughter has flourished in school during the first half of her seventh grade year making A’s and a few B’s only, on her report cards. Doing tons better than the year before. My son has grown into a sweet and caring young five year old. They teach me daily that being a Dad is the best thing in the world. Even conditions with my exwife were better in 2005. For this I am especially thankful. The first two years of divorcehood were hell. Over all the biggest down I can think of would have to be my personal health and fitness. 2005 was the first year, in five, where I totally blew any ideas of consistent diet and exercise out the window. This is one area I’m very glad to be able to wipe the slate clean and start over. I’m not getting any younger, right? Not only have I lived the year hardly moving off my ass, but my personal bad habits had a chance to really flourish as well. Yes, there will be a lot of slate cleaning indeed! I could go on and on, but I reckon I’ll end here. I’ve never looked forward to the coming of a new year more than I have with this one. I have a feeling that ‘06 is going to be a good one for me and those I care most about. I hope each of you can say the same. There are always ups and downs in everything. Hopefully we can continue to celebrate the ups and learn from the downs. Y’all have a safe and wonderful New Year’s Eve and party it up. Try to have as much fun as these two ladies seem to be having!

HAPPY

P.S. I'm not condoning the activity in that first pic...been there, done that...I just thought it was an interesting picture when I found it.

The Dreams Continue, Dr. Seuss and My Dog Trooper....

2005-12-30T08:16:00.000-06:00

It’s become the custom, in the nearly three years since my divorce, that my kids spend the week after Christmas with their Mother. They’ve been with her non stop now since Monday. They’re only about 20 minutes away, but I probably won’t see them until late this weekend. I miss them something terrible. I do talk with my daughter everyday, and yesterday she sent me this picture in an email. She thought it was pretty funny, and I do as well. You see, we’ve recently discovered that our Cairn Terrier, Trooper, doesn’t ride well in the car. He’s constantly moving about, bothering everyone and trying to see everything he can out the windows. In the weeks since our trip to Canada we’ve made an effort to take him with us occasionally so he can get used to being a car rider. I imagine if he was sitting in the back seat, and there was a sudden acceleration, this could possibly happen to him. You know, it occurred to me last night that I’ve always had issues with the Dr. Seuss book, The Cat in the Hat. When Susan and I got into bed we began watching the HBO documentary, Cat House 8,....(ain’t legal prostitution wonderful?)...then I switched it over to the Mike Meyers Cat in the Hat movie from a couple years ago. That movie is just as disturbing as the book and the original cartoon. There is just something about that Cat, and Thing 1 and Thing 2 that freak me out. I can remember being a child and thinking how terrible, and scary, it would be to have the three of them visit my house. Plus there was that poor goldfish. All it was trying to do was warn the kids of the dangerous cat. But still the rampage continued....How do you control them? They’ll do whatever they want and there’s nothing you can do about it. It was terrifying to me as a child. Just as bad as those flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz! It killed me when they ripped apart the Scarecrow. I sat at the foot of the bed for about thirty minutes watching the live action (although totally computer generated) version of the classic tale, and I realized I was feeling the same old surge of terror I used to feel as a child. No wonder I’ve never really liked or trusted cats! They’re shifty and untrustworthy on a regular day, but hook them up with a couple of Things and they’re a force to be reckoned with. Speaking of forces to be reckoned with, I discovered a blog today from a fellow HNTer, as well as a fellow Alabamian. He recently took a trip to the Biloxi/Gulf Port, Mississippi area and took a few pictures. It’s amazing that, five months later, the destruction is still so visible. Hurricane Katrina was such a bitch! He doesn’t need the publicity, his blog has a good following, but click your way over there and check out his pictures. I’m familiar with several of the land marks he has photographed. I was in that part of the country back in March, and I posted a few pics while I was there. If you want to check them out click here and here. I'm glad I bought a t-shirt what I was at the Biloxi Hooters restaurant. I doubt you can get one now. My week of weird dreams has continued. I’ve documented them in the past few posts and Wednesday night they continued. I dreamt I was aboard a cruise ship, docked at NYC (yeah that’s weird) and I had lost my five year old son. I looked all over for him. On every deck of the ship, as well as the warehouses on the docks. It was scary and oh so freaky. Plus there was some kind of Soprano’s looking characters following me around while I was searching. Folks I tell you, these dreams I’ve been having are totally out there! I’m about ready for them to stop. Last night it was more of the same, only this time I was selling gift certificates online good for sexual services from me. They started at $250! Yeah, I'm that good!!

HNT - 2005 in Review...

2005-12-29T00:02:00.000-06:00

It is Osbasso’s suggestion that those of us who have participated in Half Naked Thursday post our favorite personal picture from 2005. Well, I’ve been a pretty regular HNT poster since the earliest days. In the past six months I’ve posted seventeen entries. Of those seventeen there are four that are my favorites. Since I couldn’t decide I thought I’d post all four and let you decide. These pics vary from me in action behind my wife...to me on the can...to a couple of me posing completely bottomless with props. So......what you think? If you want to see all the others you can check out my HNT links in my sidebar over there on the left. Here's to a the end of one Half-Nekkid year, and the beginning of another!! Happy HNT!!

Curling, Weird Dreams and Sex....

2005-12-28T09:57:00.000-06:00

Curling Who would have actually thought this could be a sport? Especially one deemed worthy of the Olympics? I’ve recently become aware of this game/event/challenge?, and I can honestly say I see nothing about it that excites me in the least. The only way I could find myself the least bit interested would be if it the contestants were completely naked, and they were all young and attractive women. I’ll use one of my Dad’s sayings here, “I wouldn’t walk from here to across the street to see it, even if they paid me.” Curling is a weight training exercise or something chicks do to their hair....not a game played on ice. So, how is everyone’s week going? Good I hope. Mine you ask? Well, since you asked I’ll just have to say it’s going alright. I continue to have some really weird ass dreams every time I go to sleep. It all started with my Christmas Day nap, and has continued non stop since then. I know there are some of you out there who have some very vivid and memorable dreams, but not me. Until now, that is. Last night I dreamt I purchased a mansion with 50 plus rooms. Not only was it a historic home, but it was also a department store, bar and restaurant. For some reason I wasn’t told prior to buying it that the house also served these other purposes. I remember being really pissed off about this, until I found a stash of diamonds under the stairs worth billions. Yeah, see....I told you....weird shit, huh? Again there were bloggers and or frequent commentors present in my dream. Several of you were there; either at the bar, shopping in the restaurant, or in several of the many bedrooms/lovin' rooms of the mansion. I won’t name names here because really, I don’t want you all to know I like you that much! ;-) That’s about it for today. Not much has been going on during my “week of doing nothing”. Well, wait a minute....There was one thing that did happen last night worth mentioning. My sexual dry spell ended. Thankfully I finally got me some after a little more than a week. I know it’s shocking to some of you. You probably think a stud like me is getting it every day, several times a day, but alas....that’s not always true! LOL Talk to you tomorrow!

There'll Be Much Mistletoeing...

2005-12-27T07:47:00.000-06:00

...and hearts will be glowing, when loved ones are near. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Christmas has once again come and gone. I suppose I’m glad it’s over. Now I dread having to de-decorate and put away all the Christmas stuff. I’m not usually one to leave the crap up through New Years. Once the big day is over, I’m ready to put it all behind me for another year. Hell, we’ve had the tree up since November 20th. That’s long enough in my book. My daughter and son had us up at 6:40am Christmas morning. By nine all the present opening was complete. I like to keep the unwrapping of the gifts orderly and organized. Each person opens one gift at a time, then after admiring said gift, the paper/tissue/etc is put into a garbage bag, and the gift is stacked in the opener’s predetermined spot. Sure, call me a Christmas Nazi, but it works. There won’t be any lost or thrown away goodies with my routine. Later I spent some time helping my daughter figure out how to operate her new iPod nano, and download the software onto her lap top. That little thing is pretty sweet. I may see another one being purchased in a couple months for yours truly. I took the kids to their Mother’s around 11ish so they could open presents with her, then came back and took a two hour nap. I don’t usually take naps, believe it or not, but when I do I’m pretty much guaranteed to have some weird and freaky dreams. Sunday was no exception. I won’t go into too many details but I will say that one of my blogger pals made an appearance in my dream. I dreamt this particular buddy of mine interrupted, and put an end to, me doing something that would compromise my marital vows. But then again, it’s not really cheating if you do it whilst dreaming, right? All day, after my nappage, I cooked our Christmas dinner. People, let me tell you something....I just have to come out and say it....I’m like the best cook ever! Seriously, I could be a head chef in some swanky restaurant or have my own cooking show on The Food Network. My cooking kicks ass! I wish I could post for you here my recipe for Holiday Dressing, but I just can’t. It’s just a too special and exquisite thing. Although all you regular readers are worth it, I can’t risk having random people who pop by here having access to it. Who knows what might become of it then? So, if any of you really want it and want to attempt perfection the next time you’re making a holiday meal, send me an email. Maybe I’ll write it down in a word document and make it available to the privileged few. All in all it was a perfect Christmas here in Chucksterville. My daughter even made the statement, “This was the best Christmas ever!” Aside from seeing the happy looks on their faces as they gazed upon their gifts, what else could be better? I hope you all had a great one too. If you’re heading back to work today, good luck with that. I’m off till next Tuesday, so nana nana boo boo!!

Merry Christmas!!

2005-12-24T08:25:00.000-06:00

Twas the day before Christmas and I'm all ready to get this party started! The stockings have been hung and the tree trimmed. All the shopping is complete, gifts wrapped and ready to be ripped open....all is right here at The Chuckster's. I hope each and every one of you have the most wonderful of holidays. How ever you celebrate, I hope it's most memorable!

Vagina Land....

2005-12-22T15:42:00.000-06:00

I’ve just come in from a half day of shopping for Christmas Presents. I am now officially finished with my shopping for this year. Now all I have to do is sit back and see the smiling faces of my loved ones as they open their gifts. My five year old son said the strangest thing to me today in the car. He looked me straight in the eye, via the rear view mirror, and said, “Dad do you want to go to Vagina Land?” After my daughter and I had composed ourselves, and once she’d finished spitting Dr. Pepper onto the dashboard. I asked, “Why would you ask that?” “Just wondering,” he said, “sounds like a cool place!” He then went back to the Christmas carol he was making up and singing to himself. He’s recently gotten a kick out of learning the words for the male and female genitalia. I’m thinking it was a mistake teaching him the words seeing as he’s called all of us various names like penis and vagina face. But he can’t go through life calling his schlong a “tee-tee”. I just totally never expected him to make the vagina land comment. It was completely out there and unexpected, but it did make me think..... What if there was a Vagina Land? What would it be like? In my ever so creative mind I began to ponder on this question as I continued to drive home. In my mind Vagina Land would be like an amusement park. There would be all kinds of exciting rides and attractions. Take the Vagina Tunnel of Love for example. You’d ride in a penis shaped boat and stream through the entrance of the Vagina Canal with your lover in your arms. There could also be a flume ride in this park. Instead of a hollowed out log, there would be large tampons that seated six. The water would be dyed red with food coloring and as the tampon plunged down the slope you would splash into a vaginal entrance, getting soaked. How much fun would that be? There could also be a similar ride to the teacups at Disney, only on this one you’d spin round and round in cup shaped diaphragms. The bumper cars would be shaped like swimming sperm and you’d navigate your “sperm car” around a large uterine shaped arena with the goal being to bump into a large spongy egg positioned in the center. While getting to this goal you’d have to bump all the other sperm cars out of the way. Instead of the Haunted House there would be the Stinky Vagina. You’d ride through this structure in large douche shaped bottles, witnessing the horrors of bad vaginal hygiene. There would be the STD Room, the Tuna Room, the Big Bush Room and Smelly Discharge Room to name but a few. Instead of a Hall Of Presidents there would be a Hall of Famous Vaginas. The vaginas of various well known people, (such as Madonna, Susan Sarandon, Hillary Clinton and Barbara Bush) would be large electronic puppets that would speak to the audience about their beliefs, places in history and sexual preferences. Okay, I could go on and on but I won’t...Y’all get the picture right? What an active imagination I have....don’t you think?

Birthdays, washing the dog and erections.....

2005-12-21T07:02:00.000-06:00

First off I just have to say.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIE!! My little friend, The Queen of Pink, turns 42 today! What an accomplishment! Y'all be sure to stop by her place and wish her the best. She's hoping for a minimum of 50 comments today. I guess I better say, before she kicks my ass, that she's actually only 32. She's such a youngun! Speaking of Julie, I was talking to her yesterday afternoon and happened to mention that on Saturday I bathed my dog Trooper. Actually it wasn't exactly a bath per say...I washed him in the shower...with me in there with him....and I was naked. For some reason she found this not only uproariously funny, but a bit odd as well. What do y'all think? It was actually a wonderful way to accomplish his weekly bath. I was able to hold him up, against my chest, and wet him down completely under the shower head. Our shower has a bench seat in it, so I was able to set him down on the floor, take a comfortable seat (being sure not to sit on my balls....I've done that before and it's so NOT a good thing), and lather him up real well with his shampoo. Then I picked him back up and rinsed him. Susan was there at the door to take him up in a towel and dry him off. The whole thing took about five minutes and I have to say it was a lot more comfortable and easier than bending over the tub and trying to hold him with one hand, while soaping him up with the other. So what, I ask you, is wrong with that? Seems perfectly normal to me. Nothing wrong with a little "Father and Dog bonding." At some point yesterday I got my Christmas Spirit back. I think it was actually around 1pm, when I went to Sport Clips and got a haircut. Have y'all heard about this place? I've been going there off and on for the past six months or so, but I've never had an experience quite like the one. First let me describe to you exactly what their services are. Not only do you get a haircut while watching ESPN on several televisions around the place, you can also get your hair washed, then get your head, face, neck and shoulders massaged. In my opinion it's a great way to spend $20...short of an Oriental Massage Parlor. At one point yesterday when the woman was massaging my hot towel wrapped face, I swear she began to moan. I wasn't sure at first, but then I heard her say..."Oh yeah, you like that don't you? It feels good doesn't it?" I have to admit it was quite erotic. I even sprouted a bit of wood. Who would have thought I'd be walking through a barber shop with a hard on? Certainly not me! That's it for today....Have a great Hump Day!

I feel so un-Christmas like today....

2005-12-20T10:11:00.000-06:00

Today I feel totally lethargic. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Mayhap it’s due to my staying up till 3am watching the Bobby Darin biography on The Biography Channel and then some random Columbo movie from 1991. I just can’t get with it today. A perfect example is this....My son just asked where his other mitten was and I told him that he had left it at his Mother's, so the only thing he could do was chop off one hand since he only had the one glove. See....something ain’t right with me. I have to work through most of Thursday, then I’m off till next Tuesday. I was all into the Christmas Spirit, but alas it seems to have left me now. I need to get it back and get out of this funk. Maybe it would help if I showered and shaved. I haven’t done so since like Friday. Yeah, I’m thinking that could help. I should also shave my face whilst I’m at it. Yesterday I went out and picked up our free honey baked spiral cut ham. Susan won a $40 gift certificate for one as a door prize at her Christmas party last Wednesday night. Other people won $300 gift certificates to a jewelry store, or $250 to a leather/fur store, or $150 to a liquor store. Yeah, we won a ham.....figures. Now my only concern is this. Will it last in the fridge till Christmas? It’s fully cooked and I’m thinking I should have waited till later in the week to pick it up. Speaking of spiral cut hams....have you ever noticed how they look oddly like a vagina? Complete with labia. If you hadn't thought of it before, you might now.... I think I'll take a shower and try to get my act together.

"It was beauty killed the beast."

2005-12-17T16:54:00.000-06:00

Well, as I mentioned in my last post we went and saw King Kong today. Let me just say....WOW!! It was quite a spectacular film. The special effects were amazing. I loved how they kept it true to the original and set it in the Depression stricken 1930's. Jack Black even did a good job. Over all I’d say it was one of the top best movies I’ve ever seen. There was one rather disturbing scene where these uncircumsized penis looking worm things attacked, but other than that it was truly amazing. The action was so realistic that I, being afraid of heights, was moved to nausea as Kong hung from the top of the Empire State Building with the chick in his hand. Yeah, it was really good. It’s an excellent way to spend three plus hours. If you go and find you might need to pee anytime in the near future, be sure to do it during the first hour. Once the action moves to Skull Island you’ll not want to miss a minute of it. And the best part? My wife actually cried at the end! I guess she loves gorillas after all! Hey I want to thank the 28 of you who have flagged yourself on my Frappr! Map. If you haven’t done so yet, please take a minute and do so. If you have a personal gravatar be sure to upload it as well. It would appear that the Ohioans are in the lead with the most readers from a single state. I hope the rest of your weekend is ever so enjoyable! By the way, if you click on the above picture it opens much larger and makes a perfect desktop wallpaper!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like....yadda, yadda, yadda...

2005-12-16T08:08:00.000-06:00

Wow, it’s Friday again!! This week has been especially hectic for me in relation to work. I guess it should be, seeing as I’ve been away from the office pretty much for two weeks, what with the Chicago trip and the vacation to Canada last week. I’ve been making up a lot of lost time. Yesterday, while taking a break from work, I ran into Wal-Mart to get my son’s Santa gifts out of layaway. Uh, hello? The place was a mad house! Yeah, I expect the store to be crazy this close to Christmas, but what I didn’t expect was the LONG line at the layaway department. It took me about thirty minutes, but finally I did get all the loot. Come to find out though, he already has several of the toys we purchased at his Mom’s house. So I guess this will require another trip back to return them, then buy something else. Oh what joy....I’m thinking the kid has got enough! Susan is freakishly excited about the new King Kong movie. I don’t mean she’s got the hots for the ape....I mean, seriously...she’s got all of me and my 6'5" mass of hunky-ness (see pic a few posts below...LOL). She’s just really wanting to see the flick. She even went online Wednesday and bought four tickets so we could all go see it on Saturday. She had a guest on the air with her radio show who said it put Star Wars and the Lord of the Ring movies to shame. I’m not sure about that, (sounds a little far fetched), but I’m willing to give it a try. I’ll let you all know what I think after I see it. Past, and future, trips to WM aside...I’m actually getting kinda excited about Christmas. I can’t believe it’s only like 9 days away. Susan and I don’t really exchange gifts, seeing as we pretty much get whatever we need throughout the year, but there is something I’m really wanting and needing bad. Just in case she decides to read my blog (highly unlikely) I thought I’d just say how I’m really needing a new backpack thingy that holds my laptop. Specifically this one from Swiss Army. When I was walking through O’Hare two weeks ago the strap on my current computer brief case totally ripped in half. I like the idea of having a professional looking back pack since they are so much easier to carry, seeing as I have two shoulders and a back....anyway, we shall see. In conclusion, I thought I’d post a picture of our Christmas Tree. It’s definitely beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here!! Have a great weekend! Oh, I almost forgot. Y'all click on this link here, or you can find it over in my side bar, and show me where you all are from. I added this map thing on Wednesday. I think it's pretty cool. Thanks!!

HNT - Go Tell It On The Mountain....

2005-12-15T00:07:00.000-06:00

Behold...The Mountain calleth forth to me! I took this picture last week at Lake Louise in the Rocky Mountains of Canadia...It was terribly cold, but I removed my glove so I could show some half nekkidness. Aren't you glad? As I've mentioned in earlier posts, it was a glorious vacation (ghostly encounters aside) and I'd go back in a heartbeat. Isn't the mountain beautiful? Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday everyone!!

My Second Audio Post....with a Mystery Guest....

2005-12-14T14:28:00.000-06:00

The Chuckster Speaks....

2005-12-13T11:28:00.000-06:00

Sex and Ghosts in Canada....

2005-12-09T22:43:00.000-06:00

It’s Friday evening and I thought I would take some time and write another random post. This will probably be the only chance I’ll have until Tuesday. My parents and grandmother have come down from Tennessee, as well as my sister from Kentucky. We’re having an early Christmas celebration this weekend since we won’t be able to get together closer to the actual holiday. My Mom brought a turkey breast with her and I’ve already made my famous holiday dressing, all ready for cooking tomorrow. I’ve already bought tickets for my daughter, sister and I to go see the Narnia movie tomorrow. Looks like it’s shaping up to be a nice family weekend. I thought I’d take some time to share some of the happenings from our wonderful trip to Canada…I hope y’all don’t mind. Our room was haunted. The hotel was built in 1888, I believe, and I later found out that it was supposedly full of ghosts. But I found this out after I had my first experience. It was Sunday night, the first night we were there. Susan was in bed already asleep and I was lying next to her, on my stomach, reading my novel. At some point I felt pressure being applied to the end of the mattress. It was as if someone was pushing down with their hands. I didn’t think anything of it at first because we often allow Trooper to sleep with us and I’m used to him walking around at the foot of the bed till he finds a comfortable spot to crash on. It took me a few moments to realize the dog wasn’t with us so I looked down at Susan’s blanket covered legs to see if she was moving around. Her legs seemed to be in the same place they had been earlier. I forgot about it after a while and went back to reading. A little while later I felt it again. I immediately looked over my shoulder to the foot of the bed but nothing was moving. I stretched my right leg out till it was touching Susan’s and then went back to reading. Within seconds I felt the pressure on the mattress, but this time it was in the area between my out stretched legs. It was definitely something pushing on the bed, but it was nothing I could see. I instantly felt as if it was some sort of other worldly presence, but I didn’t feel the least bit threatened or scared. Eventually my Tylenol PM kicked in and I went to sleep. The next night Susan and I had come in from a night of eating and drinking and we, as married couples will often do, decided to have sex. After the usual foreplay, oral sex, kissing, etc we got into our regular position with her on her back and me on my knees between her legs. We were doing it with her lying sideways across the mattress with my ass facing out towards the left side of the bed. We’d been going at it for a good fifteen minutes or so when I again felt the pressure upon the mattress. This time it was behind me on the eight inches or so from where my knees were, to the edge of the mattress. I was aware of the pressure on the bed, but I was intent on completing the task at hand and giving us both the pleasure and release we both needed so bad. Right as I was winding things up and slamming home with as much force to push us both over the edge, it happened. I felt a warm touch running up my inner left thigh. It lingered right behind my swinging balls and then went towards my asshole. Just as I was busting my nut I felt, what seemed like a finger, touch my puckered brown eye and I clinched it as tight as I could. After a second, as soon as my orgasm was done, I mumbled the word "stop". It was barely more than a wisper and the feeling and pressure went away. Now folks I don’t know if this was all in my mind or what, but I know what I felt on the bed the night before and I’ve never felt anything like this during sex before. It occurred to me later that, as Susan and I were taking a shower together right before sex, we had talked about having a little anal play. Maybe some fingering or rimming, but during the course of our play time it never came to pass. I wonder if there was someone else listening in the room and they decided to add their special touch. If so, I sure hope it was the spirit of some long gone dead chick. I did go to the concierge desk the next day and asked if there was anyone who could give me some back ground on any ghosts or unusual past happenings on the third floor. Unfortunately the concierge person who knew all about the history of this sort of thing was off all week on vacation. It’s amazing to me, even now, that I wasn’t in the least bit disturbed by any of this. If any of you ever get to visit the Banff Springs Hotel and stay the night, request room 378 and see if anything similar happens to you. I’d love to know. Here is the actual bed in our hotel room. If anyone sees anything in the picture, like an orb or displaced floating head, let me know! Have a GREAT weekend!!

I'm Back....

2005-12-08T16:17:00.000-06:00

Well folks, we’re back. I just want to thank my dearest friend Julie for exposing, in the last post, the true reason I journeyed to Canada. I’d wrestled with exposing the subject for months now. I had wanted to come clean with you guys here on my blog, but it took Julie’s post to give me the courage. I am now returned from The Canadian Institute of Body Hair Transplants (CIBHT) where I’ve under gone quite a few transplant procedures. I must say I was able to deal with the frigid weather in Calgary much better after the transplants than before. I submit here for you my first post transplant picture. I think I look much better now, don’t you? Seriously though, I want to thank The QoP for the fascinating tale she wove here back on Monday. I literally Laughed Out Loud when I first read it! Also, Dick today provided us with yet another stunning drive-by picture. Thanks ever so much! Susan and I had a wonderful trip. We saw some awesome sights, took lots of pics (even some outside of the hotel room bed!), ate some good food, drank some even better beer and wine and nearly froze our asses off. Banff, Alberta, Canada is a very beautiful place. It was definitely worth the trip. I have decided that Albertan beef is the best in the world and Kokanee Beer is the best beer ever!! My lord, it’s like drinking pure glacier water that will knock you on your butt. In the course of the four days I probably consumed at least two kegs worth. I hear it is not exported, so I’m going to have to find me someone in Alberta who will ship me a case every once in a while. Anyway, I’m glad to be home and back to normal. I’ll post more about the trip and maybe even some pictures soon.

2005-12-08T13:02:00.000-06:00

The anti-HNT post strikes again. Just another reason way cameras should be banned from swimming pools and some folks should cover up a little better. Another drive by posting by Big Dick. Have a nice day kids and don't forget to gouge out your eyes.

2005-12-05T15:30:00.000-06:00

Howdy folks, this is Julie, a.k.a. QoP, guest bloggin' for my buddy Chuck. He asked me to post something special for him this week while he's gone in Canada, on vacation. You all will be happy to know that they made it there safe and sound. The pics are gorgeous. Absolutely stunning and make me so fricken jealous (HA! see Chuck? I told you I wouldn't say fuck on your blog) that I can hardly see straight. I have an affinity for snow, and seeing as I live in Texas where we NEVER get any, I'm green with envy. The main reason for my blogging today is that I needed to fill you all in on something. You see, Chuck is my best friend, and after a long discussion, he came to a decision. He's been wrestling with this a very long time and wasn't really sure how to tell all of you. So I stepped up to the proverbial plate, and will now begin to tell you what Chuck & Susan are really doing in Canada. In case some of you read blogs standing up, now would be a good time to pull up a chair, get comfy, maybe even grab a mug of hot cocoa. But not too hot though, because if you spill it while reading the news, it will burn and hurt. And I can't be responsible for that, mkay? Ready? Ok, here goes. It all started 25 years ago. Chuck (or young Charles, whichever you prefer) began to acknowledge that there was something a little different about him. He wasn't quite like all the other boys. Over the years he'd seen them in locker rooms, backstage at all his numerous musical productions, jail, etc. He knew that they all had something he didn't. And he was consumed with jealousy. Intense burning, raging jealousy. You see, Chuck has no body hair. WAIT JUST A MINUTE QoP!! We've seen pics, I can hear you all shouting at your monitors right now. Folks, the truth must come out. Those are body toupees. Fakes. Phonies. A ruse. And for years they were enough to do the trick. Until one day a friend (who shall remain nameless, *cough cough*) talked our boy Chuck into admitting his problem and striving for his lifelong dream. Going to the Canadian Institute of Body Hair Transplants (CIBHT). Sure he SAYS they are there for vacation, but really? Not so much. The CIBHT is a frontrunner in body hair transplant technology. They have all the good doctors. They are very reputable, and after months of saving up their pennies, Chuck & Susan have gone North to fulfill his lifelong dream. And I applaud him. And wish him luck in his hairy endeavors. God Speed Chuck, may you come home hairy and happy. Maybe the nightmares will finally end. We all love you buddy and wish you a speedy recovery! ;-)

Ready for my Winter Wonderland Vacation....

2005-12-03T12:07:00.000-06:00

Well folks I’m back from one trip and getting ready to leave for another, only this time it will be purely for pleasure. Tomorrow afternoon my wife and I will be relaxing at this beautiful hotel pictured. Awesome looking place, huh? It will be my first time visiting Canada and I’m really looking forward to it. Today we’ve been busy getting things ready to leave. Susan has been shopping for cold weather clothes, and I went to Wal-Mart to get me some long johns. I’m hoping Julie and/or Snagley will grace my blog with their writing talents while I’m gone. Dick sure entertained us all with his Fattie Friday pics last week. Yeah, I was just as surprised as I’m sure many of you were when I clicked on my blog Thursday and that lovely chocolate goddess loaded on the page! Yeah, that’s something else I tell ya! Well you all have a great week, and I’ll be back Thursday. Maybe I’ll even have a special HNT pic to post then. We’ll see....

It's Fattie Friday

2005-12-02T07:02:00.000-06:00

Today is the true day for Fattie Friday. Another Fattie Friday brought to you by Big Dick's Place.

The best of HNT!!

2005-12-01T11:43:00.000-06:00

The official HNT counter-post.

Another hit and run post brought to you by Big Dick

Chuck will never leave me the keys to the car again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HNT - From A Hotel In Chicago...

2005-12-01T00:01:00.000-06:00

Well folks, here I am in Chicago, kicking back in my hotel room, in nothing but my boxer shorts. I remembered at the last minute that this was HNT, so I thought I would submit a pic before I went to bed. I hope you all have a wonderful Half-Nekkid Thursday!

My Birthday, Thanksgiving and Leaving....

2005-11-28T07:55:00.000-06:00

Today’s post could very well be it for me for a while. I’m leaving here tomorrow morning and going to Chicago for a sales meeting that will last until Friday. Then on Sunday Susan and I leave for our vacation in Western Canada. I won’t be home and settled back in till a week from this Thursday, so I hope you all won’t forget about me in my absence! As I mentioned in my last post, my birthday was on Saturday. I am now thirty-seven years old. For some reason that just seems so damn old. When my Father was my age he had a son, me, who was a senior in High School. I can’t imagine having a child that old right now. It amazes me to think of him back then, and how mature he seemed, and to think he was as old then as I am now. My birthday was very nice. The kids had stayed with their Mother the night before, so after sleeping in on Saturday, Susan and I drove up to her place and picked them up. Then the four of us went to one of my favorite restaurants and ate while watching football on the many televisions mounted on the walls. Afterwards we came home and I continued to bask in the loving warmth of my family. (Yeah, I know that sounds lame, but it was my birthday...so deal with it!) We decorated the Christmas tree and house then around eight o’clock we ordered pizza and watched Madagascar on DVD. A little later Susan and I slipped off to the bedroom and I received my first annual “Birthday Blow Job To Completion". A little later Susan, my daughter and I watched Terms of Endearment. Let’s just say, mine were the only dry eyes in the room. Overall it was a wonderful birthday. Thanksgiving was superb. I did 97% of the cooking, as usual, and I just have to say it was de-lish!! Both my sister-in-law and wife claimed it better than what their Mother makes. Of course we continued to eat it in leftover format for a couple days afterwards, other than the pizza. But last night I broke the cycle and made chicken stir fry. Yeah, it was all kinds of good. Well, I guess that’s about it for now. I may have an opportunity to post while I’m in Chicago. If not I may welcome a guest poster or two. Anyone care to offer their writing talents to my humble home on the net?

Say It Ain't So.....

2005-11-25T09:39:00.000-06:00

From the Associated Press: "After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways," they said in a joint statement released by their publicists. "This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other." Is there hope for any marriage after this tragic news? As I sat down to take my morning dump this morning and opened the newspaper I was shocked and sickened to read this news. Seriously, I've been fans of these two for years now. Their show on MTV was one of my favorite reality shows ever. I even once had a dream that Nick and I were buddies and we hung out and watched football and drank Miller Lites together on a regular basis. Oh well, first there has been all these many natural disasters like hurricanes, tornados, flooding and Ashley cought on film drunk at Burger King....and now this....maybe we are facing the end of the times. Well tomorrow is my birthday. I hope I can put all this bad news behind me and have a good day!

Happy Turkey Day!!!

2005-11-24T11:09:00.000-06:00

Sorry this is sorta late, but I hope all you American readers of mine are having a wonderful and filling Thanksgiving Day! I had intended to post more this week, including my "nearly" famous Thanksgiving Dressing recipe, but life got in the way and time got away from me. Fortunately we're not traveling anywhere this holiday, so I've been busy cooking, baking and roasting. Family should be here soon, and we'll all sit down to our festive feast. I hope your's is just as good! Be safe if you're traveling! Happy Thanksgiving!